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Newest Member: Nicolas

Just Found Out :
Betrayed by my first and only love...what do I do?

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 Candy1986 (original poster new member #71663) posted at 9:43 PM on Wednesday, September 25th, 2019

Oh hell yes! I knew exactly who she was because the pig used to send me pictures of all his escapades and site seeing while in the other country and she was always next to him in pictures.

Also, I found out within 2 days of D Day who her boyfriend was as well as his email address. I told him all the details that I knew at that time (ALOT more was revealed a bit after). I spoke with OWP on what’s app but I must say he seemed to easy to forgive and seemed in denial on what his GF was doing...I even doubted that’s i was talking to him and asked him to send a voice note to verify it was a male...it was....but that’s his problem.

I came to understand just recently from my WH that the BF has some depression and financial issues so maybe it was just too much info for him to process at that time. The OW and her BF were together for 10years and apparently were also having some relationship issues ...that’s why she and my WH “confided in and connected with each other” ...bull shit 🙄....I guess I was too in love and stupid to have done the same thing he did. I don’t think I will put my all into a relationship like this again- this cut too deep- I can’t let myself be so vulnerable to this kind of pain again- I WILL LOSE MY MIND!

posts: 13   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019
id 8442911
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earlydetour ( member #63207) posted at 11:06 PM on Wednesday, September 25th, 2019

He is harassing me to go to couple’s therapy.

Unless the therapist is highly recommended in dealing with infidelity, I'd hold your ground on not doing it anytime soon.

You're right - he needs IC. He's the one that needs to follow thru on this task - he needs to feel that he's the one responsible for his own infidelity behavior and that he wants to work with an IC on himself. You can't be the one to push him to do it or get him setup with an IC. He needs to push himself to do it because he feels the need to change himself.

Vent anytime. And you're stronger than you know. You'll come thru this.

posts: 295   ·   registered: Mar. 28th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8442960
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 11:27 PM on Wednesday, September 25th, 2019

Please go get tested for diseases.

Go consult with more lawyers, cut throats, so they cannot represent your WH

Start putting money away should you need to leave one day.

Don’t accept a hint of responsibility for HIS cheating. His cheating has nothing to do with you, your marriage, only him. It’s something fucked up inside of him.

Limit the amount of bullshit (from him)

BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2199   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8442974
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 Candy1986 (original poster new member #71663) posted at 12:07 AM on Thursday, September 26th, 2019

I have a question BS’s...how did your in laws take the news? Did they reach out to you? How did they react to you after the revelation?

posts: 13   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019
id 8443000
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Questioningall ( member #43959) posted at 4:49 AM on Thursday, September 26th, 2019

I have a question BS’s...how did your in laws take the news? Did they reach out to you? How did they react to you after the revelation?

My MIL never said a word to me about it. My fWH said she told him the A meant there was something wrong in our marriage. He says he corrected her and took full responsibility for it. I suppose that’s how a lot of people that haven’t dealt with infidelity see it. I still love her, but it hurt and I didn’t make as much effort to call her as I used to (we don’t live close to her.)

It should also be noted that my fWH had really bad timing when he told her. We were all traveling with our kids and he told her outside the car at a gas station. Not a good way to do it.

Me-BS 57
Him-WS 57 Sorrowfulmate
Married 30 years, 5 kids
Dday #1 12/12 He made up a ONS
Dday #2. 3/14 EAs, 3 ONS, 2 LTA

Buttercup: We'll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.

posts: 594   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2014
id 8443074
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Endy ( member #71606) posted at 7:35 AM on Thursday, September 26th, 2019

Hello candy!

Your story is quite touching, I am of the opinion that you try to know much about the other woman. Your husband might be lying to her . If you can get a way to reach her, let her know that you are the wife to her supposed lover..If she has some dignity I know she might open up to you.

posts: 53   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019   ·   location: New Jersey USA
id 8443097
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