SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I question out loud - how would she react if you made the same “mistake” (went out and acted like a drunken frat boy on the prowl - table humping some young honey) and then continued to lie about it 🤔

She’s clearly very immature if she “gets mad at you” and has to exact a “revenge” type attitude.

That’s very childish. I feel bad for her children.

Solution is simple she’s just a GF get rid of her. Single mom with 2 kids? Dude you dodged a bullet.

Wait a minute. How did you get the videos from the club? Most places don't share their security videos with the public.

@Joe08

Here is how you investigate and throw out a "surveillance net" - more or less in order.

Only go through this effort if you are not ready to leave her! If what you already know she did and her lying are too much for you then save your energy.

***

1) Get any information you can from her phone.

a) Check her phone bill to see who she has been texting and calling, how much, how often etc. See if there are any numbers she has been calling a lot that are suspicious. Run the number(s) through a reverse lookup like spydialer (dotcom). Find out further information through fastpeoplesearch (dotcom) and/or truepeoplesearch (dotcom)

b) Get her phone in your hand and look through her texts, any other messaging apps, photos and videos.

c) Buy the phone recovery software "Fonelab" and run a recovery on her phone to capture any deleted information such as text messages, photos, videos, cheater app messages, you'll also be able to see her notes, calls made and more.

d) Collect that evidence. and store it away safely. If you run a recovery it will be on your computer. Otherwise do it with screenshots that you send yourself.

BONUS:

e) If you have another apple device, you can add it to her iCloud account and then you will see all her iMessages, and if you do it correctly, her SMS messages as well, in real time as they appear on the device in your possession. Be careful, adding a phone to an iCloud account generates an alert on the main phone.

f) If she is on an iPhone see if you can get into her iCloud account and maybe you can retrieve her iMessages. Be careful, accessing iCloud generates an email to the account holder.

***

2) Simultaneously get a VAR or two (Voice Activated Recorder)

a) Get a couple of VARs (Voice Activated Recorders) the Sony ICD-PX470 is the sweet spot $50 at Amazon, put one in her car and keep another around to record her in the house.

The point ehre is to hear what she says when you are not around, particularly afer you confront her and she is panicking. That is when cheaters run to their car and call their affair partners and partners in crime.

b) Read the manual for a couple of minutes and you will learn how to turn off any kind of beeps or lights.

c) Get a ton of triple a batteries, Amazon brand (about $14 last I checked.)

d) Get a Sandisk 32 Gigabyte MicroSD card for each VAR, about $8 on Amazon and you'll have dozens of hours of recording time.

***

3) Implement phone monitoring

A) Implement some kind of phone monitoring service: mSpy, ikeymonitor, cocospy, Flexispy, webwatcher, there are a ton of them.

These services allow you to monitor all kinds of phone communications in near real-time.

If you go this route you don't have to add a phone to her iCloud account.

****

4) Make her give you a no-bullshit, no lies, no excuses, no blaming you detailed timeline

a) If she wants to stay with you demand a detailed timeline that she will write immediately

b) Tell her you reserve the right to verify it via polygraph.

I would tell her after she writes the initial timeline and then watch her run back and amend the shit out of it.

Others might advise you to tell her prior to writing the timeline.

Joe08, by your description it might be that her actions are merely symptoms of a far worse problem: alcoholism. Run.

I confronted her again with this and she said that simply she forgot about that dancing on the table, because she drank too much that night, and the reason that she danced with him because we had a big fight that day and she just wanted to forget

Ok.

Look, this is classic wayward reasoning.

Thousands of people here have heard this pure bullshit thousands of times.

You are dating an adulterous time-bomb.

At some point down the line, it will detonate.

I strongly suggest a couple things if you so choose to continue a relationship with this person and the knowledge and experience you now possess.

1) Do not, under any circumstances, get this person pregnant.

2) Don’t accept any blame or excuses from her when she ultimately betrays you.

My ultimate advice is to spare yourself the misery of the inevitable and date a real woman of character - not this selfish little girl.

I might ve alone in thinking there is nothing wrong with her dancing intimately with a 21 year old.

I am worried that she told you a guy has hit on her abs she demurred.I worry that the video you saw was the least of it. If truly all that happened was that she danced with a guy, why would she have told you a guy hit on her? This makes no sense.

I think either she lied because she thought you wpuld be jealous, or she lied because a lot more than dancing occurred. I think it was the latter.

@LLXC, i think she told me because it was a public place, and anyone that i know can see her, and in order to cover any story (i.e if someone comes and told me that he saw her dancing with another guy, she will say "yeah I told u that a guy came to me while i was dancing, but i wasn't dancing with him, he talked to me while i was dancing, i refused him and he went away), smthg like that

How long have y’all been dating? Live together?

@toby, 2 years, but we don't live together...yet. It was the plan for this new year

This was the first time something like this happens (as far as i know), therefore it might fall in the "mistake" category.

Emphasis on "as far as I know." Sorry but it is indeed as far as you know, and there's been a lot more. This is the tip of iceberg. Count on it.

Secondly, this is not a "mistake." A mistake is forgetting to pick up eggs at the grocery store. This was a series of deliberate decisions and willful actions in the real world. Not a mistake. Eliminate that from your vocabulary.

So let me get this straight.

This single mom left her kids with you (her boyfriend) so she could prowl around, bar hop and canoodle with younger men. Do I have that right?

She sounds like a real winner.

GET AWAY FROM THIS WOMAN AND HER NARCISSISTIC ENTITLEMENT RIGHT NOW. DO NOT PASS GO.

[This message edited by Thumos at 10:24 AM, December 31st (Tuesday)]

Since you don't live with her, most of the surveillance stuff doesn't apply, I don't know how you would pull it off.

At this point, I think you'll have to decide whether you feel she is worth the risk given her inappropriate behavior followed by dumb lies.

She's shown you who and what she is Joe08. Believe her and run away before you get further emotionally involved. There's a reason she's a single mother and it's not because the father had no reason to run away. Save yourself from a future of pain. Use your head. Believe what you've seen. She's a liar and a cheater. Don't waste any more of your short life with her. I wish the best for you.

How much do you know about her past and past relationships? This may very well be the last red flags that save your butt and cause you to run not walk away.....