SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The feed back has been good. First I have the best attorney around. But the agreement is place for now. My work schedule will make my wife have my daughter way more than me. My attorney said it doesn’t matter who my wife chooses to be with in the long run and she will never lose custody for her choice. I live in a commonwealth. If she is still with this guy when divorce happens, he will be allowed around my daughter. I’m stuck in a crappy situation. The best thing I can do is care for my daughter.

A convicted criminal or drug addict has the right to be around your daughter?

I would fight that to my death. Your daughter may be old enough where she can state SHE doesn’t want to be around HIM!

Whatever it takes. Protect your child at all costs.

I know it sucks to have to bend your life around your WW's sad life choices, but could you put in for a shift change? Or, I hate to say it, change to a different job which would allow you to work when your daughter is at school and be home with her in the evenings? Even if just for the next few years, while she is vulnerable? I know that is salt in the wound, and it isn't fair...but your daughter is worth it.

Do not text or talk with the OM. He's baiting you because you're law enforcement. Next he may file a false complaint against you.

Notify your supervisor and coworkers what's going on.

Save a copy of everything this guy or your wife says to you.

Carry a VAR and record all conversations with the OM and/or your wife.

Get another opinion as to whether there's no basis for you to object to or at least limit your child's contact with a convicted criminal.

If your county has a child protection service of some sort, call and share your concerns and ask for advice.

I live in the country. Not many job opportunities here at all. I am absolutely stuck in the worst situation ever.

You said you're alone in this. I urge you to start talking to a person or two whom you trust. Sometimes a different perspective from someone who knows you irl can help you see things, solutions you cannot when you're in the thick of it. As you said, sometimes it takes all you have just to get through the day. Perhaps even consider a second opinion about custody. If you Google "Family Law Rights, father's rights, help, and advice," you'll find an organization that may be able to point you in a different direction.

I am absolutely stuck in the worst situation ever.

Your wife recently blew up your life, and in record time. I know you've got to be tired from this $*+@ show, but don't give up. You are in a very tough situation, but it's not hopeless. This site is full of people who are putting one foot in front of the other, untangling the mess, having setbacks, growing, getting stronger. Even in the midst of this quarantine. You can learn a lot here.

Yes. She blew up my life in record time. Never heard anything like this before. Now I am on a seriously bad financial situation, I might have to take up a part time job to make my own ends meet. I can’t even go out for a burger now. I’m eating Roman noodles day and night. With this virus going on, my home is going to take forever to sell. She still has to pay half of our mortgage but nothing else. I’m stuck paying bills I can no longer afford and now an expensive attorney. My wife has her parents to give her money with no consequences. It’s frustrating.

Wow. Sounds very sudden indeed. It sounds like, for whatever reason, she is not the person you knew. Which means you can't trust her with anything, including your daughter's well-being. Don't assume she continues to be a good mom.

Is your daughter with you now or with the alien who used to be her mom, or both?

Wow. Sounds very sudden indeed. It sounds like, for whatever reason, she is not the person you knew. Which means you can't trust her with anything, including your daughter's well-being. Don't assume she continues to be a good mom.

Is your daughter with you now or with the alien who used to be her mom, or both?

how old is your daughter?

She is 10 years old. She is an amazing kid and extremely smart for her age.

Definitely consult with your attorney re this guy being around your daughter. In addition to his record and substance abuse, which may influence a family court judge, I hope you saved that text from him. You may be able to use that, as well.

As for your wife, she disgusts me.

She is 10 years old. She is an amazing kid and extremely smart for her age.

Sounds like you’ve already told her mommy has a boyfriend.

Never lie to your kid. You’ll regret it later if you do.

Yes I told my daughter who he was. I don’t lie. She doesn’t like him now, and my ex flipped out on me when she found out I told her.

I’d like to know how you guys have coped in situations like this? Not just the normal “get an attorney, or go work out”. I am a family man that took really good care of my family. I wake up every morning to an empty home and say wtf happened. Currently I’m using booze to forget about it all.

Currently I’m using booze to forget about it all.

Not this. Think of your daughter if nothing else.

-General advice for your own confidence:

-Eat better

-Yes, exercise

-Get new clothes

-Fix up your hair

-Consider cologne

For passing the time/being generally happy:

-Get a game on your phone and play that

-Chat with people you love

-Focus as much on your kid as possible and really take joy in that

-go to the movies, even by yourself

-get out among the people. Literally just take pleasure in chatting with cashiers, baristas, etc.

For moving on:

- do shit just for you that *you* like. Go golfing. Go fishing. Buy the kind of peanut butter that makes you happy. Change the pictures on the wall. Buy new bedding. Leave your dirty socks wherever you want. Etc.

- open an account on a dating site and start to think about your possibilities. Tread lightly here. Not advocating that you upload pics of yourself or start chatting with anyone yet...but just start to open yourself up to the world of women beyond WW. See who's out there and what they're all about. You may be surprised at what you discover.

On that note: I don't know anything about you at all, but *never* discount how attractive a strong, loving, confident father with a job and some integrity is. And dad bods are a thing these days.

[This message edited by Okokok at 8:23 PM, April 6th (Monday)]

Alcohol is a depressant. The absolute worst thing you can do. Lay-off the booze man.

Exercise, walk, jog, workout, etc.

It’ll keep you occupied and help you rest better.

Keep posting. You need all the support you can get including friends and family.

Brother a shit sandwich

Your STBX isn’t a good mum, stop thinking that. She has chosen the felon over you. That is it. You have done all that you can legal wise. I thought you could get some sort or moral clause keeping convicted felons, druggies etc from your daughter but your lawyer know more that me.

Do you have 50/50 custody? I know you stated your roster doesn’t allow this. Can they be spoken to due to compassion grounds?

There is more to WWs actions regarding her new Felon BF, she is just trying to justify her decisions to make you your marriage was a sham.

How can she be shitty that you told your child she has taken up with a felon dug dude. CPS should be spoken to, is she putting your daughter at risk by associating with him?

Exercise, eat better than crappy noodles; talk to your lawyer they work for you! Get them working.

Absolutely no contact unless it is regarding your daughter. Regardless or laws keep a VAR on you stbx will fabricate issues to get control over this. Exspose her actions to all, her family and friends. You are not defaming, but telling the truth.

One day at a time.

Buffer

If I didn’t have a daughter with her, I would have cut her out of my life already. I really don’t want her back for her, but I do want her back to complete my family. I am the kind of man that would work hard on the relationship to work things out no matter what the situation. I hate this feeling I have. I would do anything for my family. How can other people just give up so easily and forget about it? I’m going to deploy the no contact rule. I don’t know if that will change the situation, but it will work either way. For me to get over my x, or for her to wake up and reconcile.

My family is worth fighting for. My daughter had an amazing childhood up until the past 3 months.

Yes. I told her parents about the guy. They are extremely upset at her actions. But they are still her parents and will obviously back her.

I have noticed the past few weeks she has been easing up on our custody arrangements. So she might be starting to realize the damage she caused. I have to believe she made a split second decision and needs time to work it out. Probably regretted it right away, but you know women. They always have to be right. I’m almost positive she had a mental break that night. She became a different person over night. It was weird.