SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

To summerize my question from 3 posts up...

Do men ever just become completely uninterested in all things sexual??? Really uninterested???

Yeah, about the time they shut the lid, screw it down and lower it into the six foot deep hole In the ground.......".

I find women who wear a lot of makeup are attractive but for some reason don't feel quite as approachable.

I find this answer very interesting. Can you expand on this?

I wasn't particularly interested for a few months before my low testosterone diagnosis. Back up and running properly now, though. :)

You're all being kind to your wives, which is great, but...

What is with looking at EVERY FEMALE WITHIN VIEWING DISTANCE???

I'm not talking about full on staring, but why do men need to look at other women? What's that about? Playboy, porn, the woman at the grocery store - what gives?

Sort of like what Sir Edmund Hilary said about Mount Everest:

Because they're there.

We are wired to look and start looking about the fifth grade. I'm older than that now, and I still look. I look at my wife dressed and undressed, and I've been seeing her for 30 years.

you hold yourself to the same standard?

Well I don't have to exactly. Physical appearence isn't important to FWW. You should see the APs.

But I do maintain the standards of what is important to her. Of which there is much.

That said, I have grown old(er) rather gracefully. She has no complaints. If I had a gut, I would do something about it, though.

I know I sound shallow, but appearence is important to me. It just is right now. When we were younger, she was actually on the soft side and I thought she was smoking hot because I loved her inside and out. After she gets into top shape (while I slave away) and proceeds to sleep with other dudes, I felt different.

Remember, this is a BH answering. If man got in shape, started dressing sharp, slept around, got caught, gets fat, starts wearing stained white T's around the house I would think A BW may feel like she got the short end of the stick.

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Whisky D!ck: It's real folks. No problem with erection but O becomes very difficult. To me, sex is a good idea when drunk but it's actually not even that pleasurable. One of the many reasons I quit.

This might be a depressing question, but knowing the honest answer is important…

Should we just accept that it's impossible for us to be the one and only apple of our husband's eyes when it comes to other attractive women, no matter how much they love us?

It just helps to be realistic.

Do men ever just become completely uninterested in all things sexual??? Really uninterested???

I have had periods in my life where that has been the case. They were temporary but it occured during times that were very stressful and emotionally exhausting. I lost a lot of desire right after Dday. I don't know about being permanently uninterested. I haven't had that experience.

What is with looking at EVERY FEMALE WITHIN VIEWING DISTANCE?

Habit? Not making an excuse, but a lot of us spend a significant amount of time doing this activity prior to being in a relationship and it just becomes a reflex action. One of those things that you do without realizing it. I've been guilty as hell of it. If my wife notices me doing it I've asked her to step in my line of site and kiss me instead of getting angry. In order to stop doing it I have to realize that I'm doing it in the first place. Like someone chewing on their fingernails. I do try and be cognizant and not stare. Not sure if there is any evolutionary trait such as being aware of my surroundings that can get me off the hook, but that would be nice...any anthropologists out there?

What is with looking at EVERY FEMALE WITHIN VIEWING DISTANCE???

Would you go to the Louvre and not look at the paintings? If it hasn't been made painfully clear in the previous answers, we love the way women look. It's nothing more than an appreciation for beauty. I hope that doesn't sound too objectifying, because I know there's a huge difference between an inanimate objext and a woman but both can possess a beauty that is difficult to not appreciate.

Should we just accept that it's impossible for us to be the one and only apple of our husband's eyes when it comes to other attractive women, no matter how much they love us?

There's a huge difference between admiring beauty and wanting to be with a woman. I don't think it's too much to ask for your husband to only want to be with you.

[This message edited by h0peless at 1:53 PM, June 26th (Thursday)]

I find women who wear a lot of makeup are attractive but for some reason don't feel quite as approachable.

I find this answer very interesting. Can you expand on this?

I'm fairly introverted. A woman who is flashier just tends to strike me as someone who draws other outgoing people.

Is mindmonkey an outlier here?

Do menz want/need backup from their women, against potential threats (attractive women)?

I guess i didnt take an active role in protectg our M. I trustd my WH to be able to handle himself esp as a man in a superior work position to several women

You're not to blame in not taking an active role. You trusted. That's what we all do before we get burned.

Maybe I'm an outlier...An un-Dx restrained SA. But I find women most women sexy. (Even those with 20 extra pounds as discussed). Do I need my W help? Probably not. We had a very attractive live in nanny for a year who took as good care of me as she did the kids when the W worked. I managed to white knuckle the temptation and excape with integrity. i will not hire similar help in the future.

But if I've got this woman at work who is obviously attractive and flirty. I think it's my duty to inform the W. What would you have me say? Do I say she's nothing special? What happens at the office christmas party when Jessica Alba's clone walks out?

Like I said, I appreciate the backup. I've done fine without it. Plus it's nice to see FWW protective of the marriage for once when she shat all over it with two EA/PAs.

Edit:

What is with looking at EVERY FEMALE WITHIN VIEWING DISTANCE???

I know for a fact my W looks at every female within viewing distance. People look at people. Some are more intersting so we look longer. It's what we do. Ya know...anthropology and stuff.

[This message edited by MindMonkey at 1:59 PM, June 26th (Thursday)]

Are you wanting the "me caveman, women looka good" defense Tred?

Could you at least limit it to when we aren't standing right next to ya?

Should we just accept that it's impossible for us to be the one and only apple of our husband's eyes when it comes to other attractive women, no matter how much they love us?

No you don't have to accept that. You are more than just your looks for one. I know the generalization is that men go stupid and enter some kind of sexual trance as soon as an attractive woman walks by but that is simply not the case, maybe inconsiderate jerks do. Yes, there are attractive women out there. Some may be better looking than you. There are men that are a lot more attractive than me out there too. But it is the sum of ourselves that makes us attractive to one another. I have met a lot of women who are very physically attractive. After I got to know them I couldn't stand to be around them. Even their physical beauty became turned unattractive because the rest of who they were was not desirable at all.

Having said that I have been around married women who stare at other attractive men, even making comments. I know they love their husbands but they look too. I don't think its a male only type of behavior. We've been conditioned to think that only men do it. Hollywood/media do a good job of that.

I was just wondering how guys would feel if women were staring at attractive men when they were with their H's?

Mine used to do it all the time. Didn't bother me. I was a cocky sonfabitch. Fatal flaw, I guess.

I haven't wanted to touch my wife in a while, but that's not a sexual problem or lack of interest in sex in general. I would guess the medical issues significantly complicate things for your husband.

Why do we look at a beautiful sunset or the reflection of a mountain in a forest lake? Because they are enjoyable to behold. Add in the biological factors and why would you expect us not to notice a beautiful woman. I prefer to keep my viewing in the real world so no porn, magazines, etc. for me. I try not to be disrespectful, but I am very observant of my environment in general and woman like everything else in my field of view are noticed. Does this imply I feel any different about the person I am with? No, because I'm not thinking man she's hot I sure would like to have her! A relationship is so much more than looks.

I have met a lot of women who are very physically attractive. After I got to know them I couldn't stand to be around them. Even their physical beauty became turned unattractive because the rest of who they were was not desirable at all.

Truth is spoken here. In my experience this is often the case. Really pretty people don't tend to develop the right personal qualities because they've gotten by on looks for so long.

If you aren't a 10, that's a GOOD thing. You might not get as many double takes but no one is thinking, she's hot but I bet she's a real @&#$!.

I see your point TG. I'm not defending it - someone asked why. I tried to answer. I'll leave it a that because I don't want to make it a "both sides do it" argument. I try not too as well, just not as good at it as I should be.