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Regardless, next thing you know she starts talking about her day the next phone call. Then it's asking if you've been seeing anyone lately. Then it's reminiscing with you about special time between you two in the past, chuckle, giggles. Then a "Hey, do you want to have lunch together sometime?".

Next thing you know she's igniting an EA with you.

That's why I kept it only texting with my XW. Any time she texted me those things above she got crickets.

Good points JDuff. I'm sure you're right on the money. Probably speaks to where I'm at in the process, but right now, the thought of an EA with me behind OMs back sort of cracks me up. I wouldn't want to be invested in it, just play along for a while and wait for him to find out. I know, I know, it's beneath me and not who I really am as a person but thinking about it gives me pleasure. Hoping that like the rest of the feelings, it passes with time. You've done your good deed for the day; consider me convinced. No more interaction with WW that doesn't involve kids or the D.

You will get a new SO someday. How do you think she would feel when she finds out that you and X are couponing? How would you feel if you discovered the same about the new SO? Let that be your guide going forward.

Another good point Devoted, and one that I have mentioned to WW on many occasions. My standing rule from almost day 1 has been that when I get involved with someone else, THAT person is the priority. If I'm doing something with WW that makes her uncomfortable, then it stops immediately. I plan on being completely open about my history and relationship with WW and will not jeapordize a potential good thing with the next person to keep WW happy. On the other hand, I need said person to be accepting that there is going to SOME sort of relationship there and hope they can handle it. I'll probably look for women that are in similar situations so they understand.

You're a level headed guy. As long as you are detaching, the coupons are no big deal. Your WW doesn't seem to have her life well planned.

You're a level headed guy. As long as you are detaching, the coupons are no big deal. Your WW doesn't seem to have her life well planned.

Thanks LW. Nice of you to say. I try to remain level headed most of the time, but has been a struggle past few weeks. No doubt WW hasn't planned very well. I really don't think she thought through the whole moving out issue. During the time she was supposedly living with a girlfriend (was actually with OM), she got pressure from me to come home, pressure from OM to fess up and move out, plus a couple of her friends felt bad for me and wanted her to move out. Everyone but me knew the history and I think wanted her to end things permanently to save any more damage to me and our 4 kids.

So she sort of got talked into it, even though I don't think she was ready. But of course, she was counting on me sticking around as Plan B for as long as she needed to feel safe. And like a schmuck, I went along with it for about a month. I think it was a real shock to her when I mentioned changing locks and told her this wasn't her home anymore and she was not welcome here. She has since tried a couple of times to guilt me into changing my mind, but no dice. I know she's very nervous about her current living arrangements and probably realizes she made an impulsive, risky move which may not end well at all for her. But that's her problem to deal with now, not mine.

Quick status update. Barely heard from WW today at all, other than a couple of texts about the kids. I went with my oldest to work out, took all my kids to a school carnival, made dinner, and watched a movie with my oldest. And through most of it, I barely had a thought about WW. It really is getting easier every day. I'll have initial retainer for my attorney tomorrow and plan to have him get started on the paperwork right away. Should be filing within 2 weeks. Happy to be starting to move past it all.

Yeah bro, she's not your pal or your friend. I think you'll find her communication frequency will rise or dip depending on when OM gets paid.

When money is tight she'll be calling you, when he gets paid, crickets.

Keep it business like and down to the kids and kids alone. She texts chit chat, do not answer. She calls making small talk, cut that off immediately.

You think she's trying to be friendly for your sake but she's doing it for her own motives. You haven't gone atomic on her so she'll keep you as plan B in case OM doesn't work out because the trailer park will get old real fast.

Keep documenting, have a VAR on you and coordinate filling with your lawyer for the most opportune/beneficial moment.

I'm glad to read your latest updates, you seem to be doing very well!

How have you been feeling?

Best wishes

Thanks Hobbes. I'm actually feeling OK most of the time last few days. Once in a while, I'll get that sudden wave of emotion and be on the verge of tears, but it only lasts a minute or two and I'm fine. So getting a lot easier to bounce back from the dips. I'm starting to plan ahead through the summer for weekend trips with family and the kids. I like knowing what my plans are, and really hate having nothing to do on weekends.

I'm actually gonna spend the day with one of WWs sisters in a couple of weeks. We're going to a psychic for a reading about an hour from here. Normally not my sort of thing but it's pretty cheap and should be entertaining if nothing else. My sister-in-law is really into it. Will give us a chance to hang out for a few hours and do some bonding time. I really do love that side of my family, even though we won't be technically related much longer. But they are still family for my kids, and I want us all to be involved with them as much as we can. I keep hearing how WW doesn't communicate with her sisters and they hear from me more than her. Nobody understands her anymore and they are all pulling for me to keep the boys. Guess I should be glad for that at least, since I know a lot of times the family of the WS sides with them no matter what.

Got the loan from my brother today so will be starting the D paperwork next week. My attorney had the day off for extended holiday weekend. Weather looks decent for the weekend and looks like my family may throw a BBQ so should be nice and relaxing. Hope everyone else has some fun plans. Sending strength to those in need.

Good for you man!

Just keep on keepin' on...

Thanks WD. Have to admit, it's still a lot of ups and downs. Last couple days have been a little rough. I try to stay busy, which really helps. But I really do miss WW sometimes. You start thinking about the good times and it's hard to accept those are gone for good. But I keep moving ahead because I know I have to. Keep pulling for me everyone. There's a lot of road in front of me yet.

Awesome update, glad to hear it! Keep talking to us, and try to enjoy yourself as much as possible!

Awesome update, glad to hear it! Keep talking to us, and try to enjoy yourself as much as possible!

You are doing great.

Stay the course.

We are here.

Strength.

Well, I just had an extremely awkward few minutes. I had told WW I was taking the kids out to bowl around 2pm. In the mean time, my mom calls and wants to come up for a visit, so of course I say SURE, come on up. She and my father-in-law are standing with me in the yard visiting, and guess who pulls up? Yup, WW tried to pull a stealth drop by to get some gardening tools out of the garage, just assuming I would be gone.

That was the first time any of my family had seen her since DDay and the news all came out. As you can imagine, pretty awkward silence for a bit. After the initial shock of it all, everyone was civil but you could feel the tension in the air. My mom really hates her at this point and I was surprised she pulled off the courage to have a conversation without blowing up. I was about as warm as the North Pole towards WW, which is strange because just earlier today I was moping around thinking how much I missed her. Something about actually seeing her just pissed me off. I'm pretty sure that WW must assume I hate her guts since I have been extremely cold the last few times we spoke. I'm not going to ever give her the satisfaction again of knowing how much I still care, but the whole situation is so strange, like we're playing mind games with each other. Ugh. I hate my life right now.

I hate my life right now.

This too shall pass. Just a minor bump on the road.

Do you have everything valuable in the house documented? So she doesn't take stuff without your knowledge and thus rips you off in the divorce?

Did you ask your WW if she came over to steal some of your garden tools while she thought you were away ?

(And by the way you really should change ALL the locks).

This too shall pass. Just a minor bump on the road.

Do you have everything valuable in the house documented? So she doesn't take stuff without your knowledge and thus rips you off in the divorce?

Hobbes, I do have all the valuable stuff documented. The tools she took today weren't worth much and I don't even mind that she wanted them. What bothers me is the planned visit when she thought I would be away. Guess I have to be very careful about even telling her when I plan on being gone. I only mentioned it in passing because it involved the kids. Next time she's not getting a time frame. Unbelievable that it's come to this. I'm coming to grips with the biggest emotional trauma of my life and I really think her biggest concerns right now are about money. How can you detach so completely so fast?

(And by the way you really should change ALL the locks).

Lamancha, if you've followed the thread, you'll see that changing the locks comes with possible legal implications. Everyone suggests it immediately but it has to be done the proper way to avoid causing yourself trouble. WW is still legally entitled to enter this house. Once I file for D, I'll get a stipulation in place for exclusive use, which will cover me legally. Then it will be time to change all the locks. I could probably do it now, if I took proper precautions but I'm so close to filing at this point, I figure it's easier just to wait a few more days. I'll be watching extra closely until then to make sure things don't start walking out.

One last thing. I heard from my oldest boy today that WW mentioned to him earlier this week how she had been out one night and got hit on by a couple of guys in their 20's. Now I can understand how anyone might be flattered to get hit on, especially a woman in her 40's by 2 much younger men. But under the circumstances, when she's supposedly madly in love with a guy she's only known a few months, does that sound like something that you would be happy enough to brag about? Maybe some of the ladies can chime in here. To me, it seems like a person who desparately needs to be constantly validated. And if so, I'm sure it doesn't bode well for the current OM. How long before one of those 20-year-old guys starts to look awful tempting compare to the mid-40's guy making barely above min wage, with a boat load of his own physical issues?

Telling her SON that she was hit on by guys almost his age?!

She sure does need the validation. So insecure and self centered.

Wow.

If you ever doubt yourself, reread what you just posted. Twice even. Should make life a lot easier.

I am so sorry brother. She's a sick puppy.

If you ever doubt yourself, reread what you just posted. Twice even. Should make life a lot easier.

I am so sorry brother. She's a sick puppy.

Thanks 5454. Knowing stuff like that does help. Unfortunately, no magic switch to just turn off the feelings. You would think that knowing WW has been with at least 3 other men over past several years would be plenty to make me never wanna be in same room with her again. But realizing that right now, in her current state of mind, there isn't a thing that anyone can do to make her satisfied for long, gives me the strength to keep moving forward.

Happy Memorial Day everyone. Wanted to post a quick update. Kept pretty busy last couple of days. Was down at sisters house yesterday with my boys, and my brother was there with his family too. Should have been a great time, but for some reason I was having a REALLY bad day. Don't know why, maybe just being a holiday weekend, but I felt more lonely and depressed than I had in weeks. I sat there in a group, everyone talking and laughing, me not saying a word, just sort of quietly staring into space, thinking how much I missed WW and wish she were there. Eventually had to excuse myself and went into the bathroom and literally busted into tears for 10 minutes. I thought I was way past that kind of breakdown. My family all noticed and felt bad but not really anything they could have done.

I slept decent last night and feeling a little better today, but still sort of bummed. Had texted WW about plans for taking kids tonight and had a short discussion about some outstanding accounts. About an hour later, she texts me again saying she can't take the kids tonight and wants to do tomorrow instead. She didn't ask if it was OK, just sort of stated that was the plan. So that riled me up again, but I didn't argue. Just documented; it's the 4th time she's switched up plans at last minute. I'm sure it's not going to make her look great when we get to court. After final custody is in place, there won't be any of this last minute changing bull shit. I'm sure it's all due to some plans she had with OM.

So the roller coaster still seems to be in full motion. Coming here and reading a few new threads sort of help me get back some perspective. Amazing how many people are in such similar situations. I'm going to go reply with some advice to a few of the new folks, which always helps me feel better. I will be starting on the D paperwork this week and plan to file very soon, probably next week or two. I'm so ready to move on with life and have something occupy my brain besides this tragedy. Sending hugs and strength to anyone out there in need. Please send me back the same. Getting there but very slowly.

Thanks for the update! Yeah, these tough days and crying sessions will re-appear occasionally for the foreseeable future, but as long as you work on moving on, they will become both of shorter duration and of greater period between each of them.

Glad to hear things are moving in the right direction! It's great that you're documenting everything, keep it up. And don't give her any indication that you're displeased with her handling of the kids or that you'll use it against her.

Best wishes