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No more word from WW today after the drama earlier, other than communicating plans to get the kids for dinner. But I did talk to her dad for a few. First time since DDay. He only found out the news a few days ago because WW was scared to tell him, and I wasn't about to do it. Anyway, he's one of these old school show no emotion type of guys, and he basically said I'm better off without her. Told me about his 1st wife did something similar where she basically walked out. Then he met my WWs mother and that lasted 32 years, until she passed from cancer recently. He stressed that I take care of the kids and told me it would get easier with time. Also asked me to stay in touch.

Not sure why but it helped me to hear those words from her own dad. I've never been that close to him, but he's a straight shooter and for him to basically say I'm better off without his own daughter was kind of a wakeup call. He agrees that she's throwing away a good life and probably has a lot of pain coming down the road but reminded me it's not my problem anymore. Wow. So it reinforced my resolve, and I feel pretty good that me and my boys will continue to have a great relationship with entire WWs family. Probably be closer than her, since she has pretty much isolated herself from everyone she used to know and is immersed in the fantasy of the biker friends. Anyway, just wanted to say I'm still on track and feeling pretty good about things.

[This message edited by HurtnAlone at 5:19 PM, May 26th (Tuesday)]

Stay on track.

When your thinking gets to the 50,000 foot view you will realize it is your only course of action.

And if she pulls the suicide stunt again then call 911 so it is officially documented as well as letting the pro's handle it.

Completely agree with the other folks. Keep staying the course. This probably isn't going to end well for your WW. Don't stick around long enough for it to seriously affect you and the kids. Beg for or borrow the money you need for the lawyer. Get yourself out of this situation ASAP imo.

For her father to recognize that you would be better off without WW is a pretty touching admission that he knows his daughter is pretty crazy.

Glad to hear you got the reinforcement from her dad. And I agree, stay in touch with him, he seems like a good person to have in life! Also, this might bring you two closer, which will be good for you, him and the kids.

Anyway, he's one of these old school show no emotion type of guys, and he basically said I'm better off without her. Told me about his 1st wife did something similar where she basically walked out. Then he met my WWs mother and that lasted 32 years, until she passed from cancer recently. He stressed that I take care of the kids and told me it would get easier with time. Also asked me to stay in touch.

That's quite an endorsement from your FIL on your decision going forward. Clearly he knows who has their head on straight and has his grandkids best interest in mind.

My step father also told me about his first M ended with infidelity. His situation was pretty bad compared to mine. He didn't tell me which way to decide at first, R or D, but just that he supported whatever I chose. But, once I chose D he was all on board with advice on what to watch for in the D process. He's provided the most support to me of anyone. He hadn't seen or talked to my XW since. He absolutely refuses to have anything to do with her. He's retired Marine Lt. Col so he has great control over his own emotions, but since my Dday it was like he finally could relate to someone close about his own past. We've bonded quite a bit since.

That's quite an endorsement from your FIL on your decision going forward. Clearly he knows who has their head on straight and has his grandkids best interest in mind.

Yes, he and pretty much my entire family on both sides (me and WW) recognize sane versus insane. I have been talking with FIL on a little more regular basis but mostly regular guy stuff. Like changing a water heater, which I got stuck doing yesterday. He's just not a touchy feely kind of guy, but I appreciate that he told me I and my boys would always be family in his book.

I spoke with WW for a few this morning because we both had to attend a meeting regarding my 10-year-old boy at the school. She seems stressed and not all that happy. I get the distinct impression that the fantasy is already starting to crumble and consequences are hitting her in the face. Specifically the financial realities. Found out the princess had to give up her tanning package. Oh well. I'm actually happy to hear that she's suffering at least on some level. In the mean time, I'll be filing very soon, and the good news is she seems on board with what I've proposed which should save me a few bucks.

Thanks for the update, things seem to be going well for you and the boys. How do they seem to be doing?

Thanks for the update, things seem to be going well for you and the boys. How do they seem to be doing?

Hobbes, the boys have all actually adjusted pretty well to the situation overall. It took a few weeks but think they're OK with things right now. My oldest totally understands and even he sees that mom is acting sort of crazy. I don't ever put her down in front of any of my boys but an 18-year-old can recognize behavior that doesn't seem normal. He still loves her but doesn't agree with a lot of her decisions and I think is hoping that mom and dad somehow work things out. I've tried not to give the kids any sort of indication that anything is happening other than divorce but I guess it's natural that they would want mom and dad to be together. Hopefully they can move past it and get used to a new normal.

On the plus side, WW actually has been spending more time and seems to be taking more of an interest in the kids past few days. Not sure what changed but I'm happy about it. I can see an improvement in their moods when they see mom on a regular basis. We're still hammering out details on child custody but think we're pretty close to agreement and hoping to have everything float right through the process uncontested. Just in case, I'm still documenting and doing my best not to unleash some crazy wrath; she's pretty unstable so never know what might set her off.

good FIL. Keep in touch with him and heed his advice

Thanks for the reply, glad to hear things are going relatively well. After things settle a bit, get them into counselling, it will help them tremendously.

Best wishes

Looking for advice. Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary - 18 years. I haven't filed for D yet but will be within next 2 weeks. WW and I have been getting along well for the most part in terms of discussing kids and finances. I know that she plans on spending the day with her sisters out of town tomorrow and I am going to be taking my kids out to the zoo and museum in the afternoon but no plans tomorrow night. So guess I'm trying to figure out whether I say a word about it, or just stick to the usual NC rule? Such a strange situation. I'm hoping it doesn't hit me too hard and ruin my day. I'm sure everyone is going to tell me just stay with lights out as usual, but wanted to get some feedback and support.

I think it's better to stick to NC about it. If possible, ask a friend out for a drink or, if you have to stay indoors with the kids, invite a couple of guys over to watch a game or a show with pizza etc. Try to not be alone in the evening.

Best wishes

Your 18th year is your worst in the period of the M. Not really anything to celebrate, is it? Instead, celebrate it with your kids as a family anniversary. Being there for your kids is worth celebrating and recognizing. They deserve the outing and attention much more than your STBXW. None of them stabbed you in the back and went to another family to be their new kid.

HA

This woman has put you through so much anguish and hurt this past year please don't give her anything. You have worked hard to get to the point you are yet she is still with other man #2. All getting her something is going to do is reinforce for her that you will be waiting when she gets tired of him .

What has she done to deserve anything from you but the divorce papers you are getting prepared????

Concentrate on yourself and he kids . If you are wrong about her not being so enthralled by him any more you will feel terrible if you make a gesture and you are wrong.

Try to stay strong

I would do something along the lines of a wake for the death of your marriage.

Thanks everyone. It's what I expected to hear but nice to get confirmation.

Concentrate on yourself and he kids . If you are wrong about her not being so enthralled by him any more you will feel terrible if you make a gesture and you are wrong.

Regarding her feelings towards OM, there isn't any change there. She had the nerve to ask me yesterday if it would be OK on days where she worked early if the kids still spent the night and had OM take them to school or home. Umm, HELL NO. Explained in no uncertain terms that if she's not there, kids are not there, end of story. She kept saying how great he is with kids and she had no worries, bla bla. I said he's still a stranger to me and you've only known him a few months. She finally backed down but had to end with "well eventually you're going to have to be OK with it". Ugh. Wanted to scream.

So I'm thinking all that stress I noticed is more to do with her money situation and the constant paranoia that I'm going to totally kill her in the divorce, get full custody of all kids, etc. Her "friends" keep telling her how I've got probably got this big plan to totally screw her over so I'm sure that's really helping. Hoping that her spending time with her sisters tomorrow will calm her down and bring a little sanity back to her life.

The best present would have been divorce papers.

the princess had to give up her tanning package.

Tanning package? How long has she been doing that?

Tanning package? How long has she been doing that?

The past 2 months. It's something she typically does from Spring though first month or two of summer. Yes, I paid for it, but the last time was early April, shortly after we had the big "I'm moving out" discussion and I was still in shock and hopeful. It's a month by month thing. I know she planned on going at least another month or two this year. It's only like $40 for a month but guess that's how tight things are for her financially now. She didn't dare ask me again.