SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sorry it wound up this way - but it sounds like you are moving on.

He has not moved out. But the A is going on full blown, people in town that see me mention it and ask me about it and if I think she will come to her senses and realize that she is being used. I don't care for it but I live in a small town and have no way to avoid all of these people. A couple of days from court..... I know it won't be over but we will be a little closer.

Seeing my DD during the off weeks is now limited to homework at my house and if somethingcomes up that requires my attention.

She doesn't spend much time with the kids during her week. Yesterday they were with stbxmil and they are back there today. I saw her walking on my way home this afternoon. Strangely, I saw OM at a grocery store next to my house at the same time. She had to walk right by the store on her route. So I'm sure they happened to run into each other.

Yesterday, was a killer. Woke up from a dream about them and just wanted to go over to his house and tell him to grow a pair and do something right by one of the women. Either leave your wife or stop the affair you are making a fool out of everyone around you. I'm sure he is on a power trip about being the most desired man alive, he does have two women who are willing to accept whatever time he allows them. I hate the SOB right now. To that point, I hate her just as much. How does a person think so little of themself that you would accept that as your life? Or even allow your kids to see you in that light?

In life there are people who just can't be alone. It scares them, and they will really do anything to avoid it.

Must be tough to be in a small town like that.

There is someone, though, who will show you I think when the time comes what relationship with a healthy person is like.

I wouldn't see it as a power trip. I'm guessing they are talking behind his back about what a fool he is. Even his friends are talking about him. That is what his legacy will be... the douche cheater.

You will come out the better person in this story.

Can you add right of first refusal. ThT way no more mil, they come to you.

How does a person think so little of themselves that you would accept that as your life? Or even allow your kids to see you in that light?

This is what gets me. In your beginning posts your WW seemed like someone that thought way too much of herself. "I'm the best thing that ever happened to you" type of statements...Not giving you an inch in compromise. So strange that she is readily taking a backseat to his wife.

Sending you mojo for your court date Wednesday.

As PricklePatch suggested...make sure you get "right of 1st refusal" in the final custody agreement.

Even if the ex doesn't abide by it (mine doesn't)...it's one of those things you can document should you look for more custody down the road.

I'll bring up the first refusal deal. I received an email from my attorney today, checking in and advising that she was working on the agreement. I responded that everything was ok and listed several items that I wanted to be on the same page with her on.

I want my stbxw to have to pay a portion of the kids , and her old, phone bill. She left and left a cell phone here that was new. Will cost $400 pls to turn it off. Either help with the bill or pay the remaineder owed on that phone.

I want her to lay one half of my sons tuition and fees for school.

I wanted to be sure the $3000 I had to give her in August was counted towards the final settlement.

Wanted to know when the kids would see their GAL again before the hearing.

She responded positively on all accounts. Asked for each thing and advised that my settlement number..... would be less than we anticipated. Hooray.

Later, she emailed again and told me that the kids would see the GAL today. I was pissed, I didn't know anything about it and felt a little blindsided. She let me know that he informed both sides that he would see the kids today.

DS had a soccer game and to my surprise DD came to the game. She sat with me and had all of her school work, we worked on math and she asked if she could come over tonight after the game to get additional help. Of course. She asked / told her mother and she came home with me. We worked on the math for 45 minutes and talked. She let me know about her meeting with GAL today, he pulled her out of class and spoke to her at school. She informed him of her desire to spend " a little more time here". She also confessed to me that things are stressful there and she doesn't feel settled The GAL Will do the same for my DS tomorrow. She left and then face timed me for additional homework help. We spent an hour forty five going over Math and english. I could tell she didn't want to go. Her mother came into the room and she locked the screen so stbxw could not tell I was there. While I should be happy that she needs me and realizes it..... the whole thing is upsetting. We spent a fair amount of time on the face time Sunday and Monday as well. It seems that she doesn't want to interact with her mother. The face time homework help was a way to just hang out over the phone/ iPad.

I knew they wanted more than 50% time here but the guilt that was put on them kept it from happening. I don't know and didn't ask her what she meant by a little more time here or if she is comfortable to speak her mind. DS will have a say tomorrow and as quitter as he is I don't expect him to say much. Now if it was next week or later and our basketball, season started I know he would have a strong opinion. Court on Thursday. If we settle it will have started and ended in 7 months.

Stbxw is still in the look at me and how great my life is outward appearance. The comment from me about who could live as a second choice, part time, keep telling me lies, other woman/ man is my take. She still comes off as everything about me and my life is so much better than you can imagine. She has new clothes, new car- which was side swiped in a parking lot today, new house- which is filled with my stuff, new job-same one she couldn't stand a year ago, boyfriend- sleazy OM who hasn't left his wife, etc. the outward appearance is what her mom and family want the world to think.

I hate to say it but I'm glad her dad passed away and isn't witnessing this. I know the difference. Neither kid will tell her that they love her, her house has an insect infestation,- kids complain about it all the time, her new car is a basic hyundai that is dented, she doesn't have good internet service- kids complain about this one also, no printer- they email me stuff to print for school, she doesn't know how to set up the printer her kids won't call her back, she complains to them about how much money I have and how she has none, cats get in her trash every week and she has to clean it up in the yard, she lives on a main highway. Everything there is not Rosey. Not that it is here either but I'm not pretending it is. It sucks I have half my stuff and not as much money as I should have.

But my kids love me and aren't afraid to tell me and they will call me back if they don't answer when I call.

[This message edited by mblink at 10:03 PM, November 1st (Tuesday)]

Id tell the kids if you want diff than 50/50 you'd better be speaking up. Once the papers are signed it's too late then.

You are their father give them some good advice, it's what you are there for.

[This message edited by Marc878 at 11:41 AM, November 2nd (Wednesday)]

I think Marc is right. Have a chat to your kids. You don't have to pressure or guilt them (I know you wouldn't) but just remind them that the current arrangements were temporary and if it isn't working for them they need to speak up now.

I agree with Mark above. In truth how much difference would CS be if you had them 60/40? They shouldn't feel guilty with the money angel. I realize that you don't want to pressure the kids but they need to know this is their last chance to speak up. Have they discussed this with the therapist?

We both know that this is just the tip of the iceberg at her house. They have stopped hiding the affair, OBS is getting more upset...If he does leave her you kids are going to be around him more...and more stress.

Can you add something about no sleepovers with members of the opposite sex while the kids are at the house?

Good luck tomorrow, Blink. Sending positive thoughts your direction!

[This message edited by Ginny at 7:43 PM, November 2nd (Wednesday)]

Good luck tomorrow! Deep breaths!

sending positive thoughts today.

You've got this! Think of all the SI-ers that have your back as you go in there.

Strength, mblink.

Good luck for today. Sending you strength.

Hope you're hanging in there...

Well Thursday was much ado about nothing. Stbxw didn't even show up. Met with the lawyer, went over our settlement offer, added no more than 4 hours without the right of first refusal, ironed out any outstanding money issues. She went into court and I waited. An hour later the lawyers came out and she informed me that they had called my stbxw and she informed them all that she was too sick to attend.

Our offer and her offer are very close, the judge sent us away and said to settle it, send it to her to sign. Custody and overnights stay the same. One change on the exchange day... the parent who took them to sxhool.picks them up and drops them off at the other parents house by 430.

That's it.

Saw her and the OM at a football game last night. They were there but "not together" stbxw was with her mother and sister. OM was alone. Funny they all left just a after halftime. I didn't notice OM until mid way through first half at concession. I was to speaking to one of my basketball parents and players and he was in line. Just made me pissed. He must have saw.me or sensed I was there, stbxw probably texted him, after receiving is order he turned and walked to the complete corner of the end zone away from the stands. The hidden 20-35 year old in me wanted.to go there and lay into him. The respectful 49 year old that I am just looked that way a couple flow times.and tried not to let it ruin my nightnor.my friends and kids night. This will be difficult the town is just so damn small. There is not getting away from it. By the way, his son now wants to play basketball for me.

Anyway, the lawyers expect it to be settlement in a month not so. So I get to keep my cool and wait.

You're doing a great job taking the high road. I don't think anyone has ever regretted taking the high road. It would do no good to make a spectacle of yourself at a fb game in such a small town. It would just drag you down to his level. What a putz he is!

And seriously, she was too sick to show up for the hearing? She just really can't face up to her mistakes, can she? Keep being the Steady Eddie that your children KNOW they can count on. They will look back on it someday and appreciate your strength and stability you've shown in such adversity.