SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Bump.

How I wish that this was a sticky thread.

Mods??

The anonymous encounters and prostitute situations us BSs go through seem to be more and more prevalent.

Hugs, strength and knowledge to all of us who find ourselves here.

MOB xxx

What's a "sticky thread." Mad?

I know that the pay for play stuff shares much with the traditional A and that much, if not all of the healing, remedy, R requirements, are much the same. But still the differences. I could be wrong but I think I might find it easier to tell a friend my H had an affair. I'm very hurt and angry but now it's over. But I do not feel at all comfortable saying my H was using prostitutes for twelve years, twice weekly. Romantic movies are made about love affairs. They can be real rear jerkers but maybe something human. Sometimes even something heroic. No romantic movie about this stuff. It's pathetic. So maybe a sticky thread can help?

I hear you Marji,

A sticky thread is stuck to the top of this forum, like the tactical primer.

I had to go back 6 pages to find this.

What with tindr and grndr and NSA sex apps, and CL and all the OLD hook up sites - anonymous encounters are an increasingly common story on S.I.

Prostitutes - yes, I find this part personally repulsive.

Not a "real" person, no love, just an objectification.

Purchasing a vagina (with our money) - and a horrible realisation of how one human being can justify any thought processes that lead to such a derogatory financial transaction.

What a mind f#ck to think that my H is that John.

Strength and hugs,

MOB xxx

So, obviously, I'm here for the same reason everyone else is. My WS has admitted to ONE prostitute and one woman who "came and cleaned his house in her underwear" that "he didn't touch". Right. I know there's more, and as much as I loathe doing it, I'm considering "catfishing" him to find out if it's still going on. Has anyone done this? What about hiring a P.I? Was that useful or pointless? I realize I might never know everything but I need to know if he has stopped and I can't think of another way to figure it out. Any advice?

Also - sorry to be a bother - but has anyone created some kind of primer or checklist for all the places you should be searching for activity? Like a list of all the sites that are out there for these kinds of encounters? I know about a couple but I suspect there's a whole world of this stuff and I have no idea where to even start.

Thanks.

Nor would I.

I found out about the prostitutes from a photo he took, whilst I was downloading pictures we took at my daughter's graduation.

I then found out about it being habitual by closely scrutinising our bank statements. I could see when, where and how many times he'd withdrawn €250 which was the standard price for one hour with youra high class whore.

Nothing but the best for my arsehole.

Yeah, I probably don't want to go down that rabbit hole anyway MOB. Thanks anyway.

Thank you MOB. A year later and I think I get less accepting by the week. And even sadder is that that is really his name.

Now he's sorry. Now he will do anything possible to rebuild our relationship. But really? Twice a week for a third of our life together.? Why would he even want to be with me now? The whole thing makes no sense.m

I agree Marji, I don't understand any of it.

The thought is repulsive.

Have you asked your WH why he "gave himself permission" in his head to pay prostitutes for sex?

Hugs and strength to all of us here,

MOB xxx

Yes, Mad, I have asked that question numerous times but he doesn't know much more than it was an escape from work which I have no doubt it was. Then I explain that many people feel pressure, anxiety, etc from work. Sone get so stressed they go and shoot their supervisor and coworkers. Why did he choose to allow himself to do that? And he draws a blank.

I'm thinking if he had that level of awareness, that kind of brain, etc. to know that then he might not have done it in the first place even if he wanted to which is a whole other question for which no insight.

How stupid, self destructive, pathetic, useless, reckless, etc. just for starters but those are just adjectives, descriptions, labels. Not insight. But this behavior, that double life chosen by someone who never so much had a beer or cigarette, never did anything but the " correct" thing, the " goody two shoes" of the family is astounding in it's coldness, it's indifference. And now he's depressed because of what his hobby, his habit, his choice, his deceitful double life has created. In sone ways, I think he's more unhappy than I am. But in some ways, far luckier because he feels love and affection and I feel neither.

So lots of money now being spent again on therapists. It's crazy. Mad, how does one stay sane with this new reality? It's mind boggling.

Have to just add in ref to your more prevalent comment above, my SANON meetings often have more than 30 attending. H's SA always at least thirty. Huge.

So lots of money now being spent again on therapists. It's crazy. Mad, how does one stay sane with this new reality? It's mind boggling.

Marji.......... I wish I could help you with that, however all this SA stuff has resulted in me turning into a seriously Mad Old Bat.

Prior to prostitutes (2008 - 2014, all abroad so he says) he has indulged in EAs, PAs, ONSs and a 20+ year affair with his (not so) exGF. She called that off when he fell out with her brother, same year H then started paying for sex.

All but one PA in 1997 (4 children under 6 at that time) - completely unknown by me. I kicked him out, but let him back home..... he swore before friends and family that he would never, ever hurt or betray me again.

Then carried straight on.

He is bipolar, ADHD and self-medicated on alcohol and cannabis - which I knew about, but he hid the huge amounts he was consuming.

He's well weird and wrongly wired - and I'm just done with him.

After nearly 32 years, and being really good friends for about 7 years prior to that :-

I don't know who he is (nor does he)

I don't know where he's been ( nor does he)

I don't really know all of what he's done or who with ( and nor does he - genuinely for some of it. Manic episodes can seem like they happened to "another person" once he's slowed or slumped from the 'Twirly-Wirly'.

I feel that I've supported and enabled him for long enough.

Hugs to you and all of us here, MOB xxx

Bump

Bumping for Reece.

I'm so sorry sweetheart - but please know that you are in no way on your own.

There are many of us here who have had to cope with this particular type of infidelity.

Hugs and strength to you.

MOB xx

Bumping for Honestgirl.

So sorry S.I. friend, that you find yourself here.

Hugs to you.

MOB xx

Bump for Linda16

Good grief! I have been on this site for a few years and have missed this post. Granted JFO is not a forum I have spent much time on after the first few months. It was just too triggering. This would have been so helpful to me. I have been lucky enough to find some fantastic counselors who have helped me process this Trauma (not trauma, but Trauma!!) of epic proportions. I am getting healthier every day.

I wonder if we could make this thread an I Can Relate page, if a sticky thread is not appropriate. Mods? Thank you for considering this!

If not, to those who JFO, you WILL get through this! It may seem insurmountable at this point, but take one step at a time, breathe, eat and drink water (no alcohol!), sleep, keep breathing. You will get through this. You can't rush the process, but you can do this!

Bumping for BSs whose WSs are into prostitutes, paid companions, adult dating sites or capitalist encounters.

So sorry that you are here with us. The first pages of this thread provide really valuable info and advice.

Hugs to us.

MOB x

Bumping up for Broken85.

So sorry that you are here friend.

Stay strong.

MOB xxx

Thank you MadOldBat, this is so appreciated.

I'm at work right now so can't read in detail, but a quick glance has given me the idea of checking his bank statements to see if this a regular thing. I will definitely be reading in more detail this evening. Thank you again x

Bumping for Writemenow.

So sorry that you find yourself here sweetie.

It sure is a special kind of mind-f*ck.

Stay strong.

You (we all) deserve so much more than this - as women, as wives, as people who matter.

Please keep reading - and keep posting S.I. friend.

Hugs to you, MOB xx