SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

As you've already seen she's not an irreplaceable snowflake.

Just take your time and stay out of rebounds. You will be amazed at how many good women are looking.

They seem to fall in your lap without you even trying.

In a towel. Classy. Yeah well, I'm glad you aren't wasting any more of your life with that.

Let me ask you a question. Do you think you are ready to date?

For the record I got my stbxw to go tontwo counseling sessions about the kids and she didnt play ball at all or listen and argued with the counselor. I have talked quite a bit about the kids with my IC so its not that I dont want to listen (I will try to be open minded) this is more of a mandated thing by the court. I had been canceled from the sessuon before and moved to this one. There are no more sessions avail within the 60 day time limit (shes going to be outside it but I wont make it a issue.

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 7:25 AM, February 19th (Monday)]

Nope... I think if I am still having bad days it was to early. For a couple weeks I felt really awesome (text the girl quite a bit) as soon as she became less desirable I floated back to not so good. That tells me I am replacing something with another. I dont want to do that.

I think this was to soon. I am waiting till the next time I see her to talk about it openly. Kind of want to take a hiatus and not shut the door completly. She seemed to get it when we talked and she knew I wanted to take it sssslllloooowwww. But I can tell she REALLY likes me.

Before you knew it I had agreed to dinner, she asked and I said yes and then was like holy fuck I think I just made a date. Had three dates all went well, but learned that she was divorced 6 years ago, her WH cheats (plus).

Then she got together with the OBS 6 months later (had all been friends) and dates him for 6 years the last year of which she cheated on him and then at the end they apparently had a open relationship.

Warning bells and huge red flags on this! So this woman you've agreed to go on a date with was a BS, knows all of the pain that goes with it, and admits to you that she cheated on her BF of 6 years???

She admitted to being a cheater, and you're OK with that? How much do you want to bet that she also cheated on her XH, and may not have been the BS at all? Is she still the GF of her OBS and is actually cheating on him with YOU?

Please go into this with eyes wide open.

Married people do not date.

Separated is not divorced.

I would find it hard to date someone that cheated

after they were a BW.

I agree that it was too soon. I think it also says something about your new gal pal that even though she knows you are only separated and probably still emotionally dealing with the A, she is wanting to move quickly.

Just as you have learned to stand up for yourself in your M (and now D), do the same in any relationship.

Don't worry, you are doing fine. Keep being good to yourself and a good person will come your way. I think your kind thoughts about your wife show you to be someone who is caring and has much to offer in a relationship. You can't help her now but you havent become so angry and closed. I think you have a chance for real happiness with someone you can trust after your D. That's great for you and your kids.

All this is so hard. It causes us to look at who we really are. These experiences aren't for nothing. You will come through this and be even stronger and more aware. I'm waiting for the day you come back and say you found someone really great for your kids and you never knew life could be so great. You are transforming into a stronger person now in preparation for that day. Keep being true to yourself.

Rockstar, you are doing really well. Keep up the good work. Take this time to improve your current state. Physically, mentally and emotionally. This has alot of flow on effects. Keep on improving.

It probably is abit early for serious dating. But going out for coffees etc is a good way to start enjoying life again.

And when you are ready to look for a partner in life, remember the quality of fish that you catch is dependant on where you fish.

And where you fish is determined by where you spend the majority of your time.

Use your time wisely, and look at what you can do to improve.

So had a rough week last week. Wasn't sleeping wasn't eating stopped working out. Easy to see looking back that when I stopped doing these things I spiraled down. Sleep needs to be my first attention and then everything else after as I don't function at anything else if I am not sleeping. My drinking went way up to for that period of time...which is dumb. I have to take a sleeping pill and a melatonin and then take another 4 hours later when I wake up. Not a great long term solution but it's working.

I was down and reached out to a old friend that is friends with my WW. This friend and her husband had been the ideal couple before she cheated and them her B'S spiraled out of control and eventually got fired and stopped talking to me. I had been at his side but he never listened to what I said. Miss him, but he changed a lot and we don't talk.

So I reached out and Talked to her on the phone. I was surprised to learn (shouldn't have been) that my WW lied and said that we had broken up because I was

an ahole and treated her like shit. Specifically that I treated her like ahe was below me. The friend was floored to learn of the affair although she knew my WW was dating this guy now and that he had been married. It was a good talk. Basically she agrees that we probably never knew who she really was and that there is some kind of mental issue going on. IDK why but it made me feel a little better being reassured this wasn't my fault. She gives it 18 months tops for them to last, but again although I like thinking this it needs to matter less at some point.

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 3:01 PM, March 2nd (Friday)]

Another trigger was WW not showing up for parent teacher conferences. Them again she only made 2 the entire time I can remember. Had prepped myself to deal with it/her but she never showed up and the teacher said ahe hadn't made her own. I passed on the info (all good) to her via the text app and even had a chance to talk to the school counselor in person.

Unfortunately when I took my kids out to ice cream after he wrote in chalk (tables are set up for this) a heart with mom and dad in it. Whicha going to do. So we talked about it and he cried a little.

I've still been walking into rooms and not knowing why I am there. Started the bathtub and walked away and forgot about it. Flooded from second floor to basement and wrecked the subfloor on the second level. FML So just getting that mostly taken care of.

Had to hit the reset so took off got a hotel room and watched some westerns and passed the f out(not from booze) Feeling better today. Got to keep it going. Got a 10-15 page paper due tomorrow, wish me luck.

Had to vent/somewhere hope you guys/gals don't mind.

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 3:03 PM, March 2nd (Friday)]

Even though you may not feel like it you're doing pretty well.

awwwwww...rockstar. Keep us in the loop so that we can all be there for you. I had thought you had been doing well, and was expecting better news.

Lets get you back up and going again.

Yep your going to need some medication right now to help you sleep and stabilize.

Burn that energy... Exercise...Exercise..Exercise..

Take time out for long walks. They are sooo therapeutic.

Google the process of grieving so that you realize that its all a matter of a process that you are going through.

Better still ask you counsellor.

And keep posting.

How has NC with WW been going? Are you talking at drop off or chatting? How long until your next hearing 50 days?

Saw the counselor last week. He says I am doing good. Little bit of kick in the ass. He really doesn't think I need to come see him on a regular basis... I don't mind talking, kinda like it. Think I am going to find one a little closer and go weekly. Don't like rehashing. Wouldn't mind having someone really break me down and build me up. Thinking full psychiatrist not just a counselor.

If I get the final agreement signed next week then mid April is the state's min 180 days. Lawyer says he can get a date close

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 4:00 PM, March 2nd (Friday)]

NC has been going good. To be honest I thought with the 180 she would have reached out more but no attempts to talk by her at all. From the friend it sounds like she is still 100% in love. Was kinda looking for her to make some kind of move but I haven't made myself avail which is a good thing really. As much as I would like to reject her and feel more in charge this is way past the point of no return and needs to stay that way. Hard to forget the good times, but ya know she either wasn't really that person or isn't now.

She even told the friend that I got rid of her dogs without her consent and never gave her the chance to say goodbye, which is totally a 180. This friend would have been the perfect person for her to safely talk about what's going on since she was a WW herself, albeit a remorseful one that tried reconciling. Her lies are pretty screwed up. I can't imagine trying to keep track of all the different versions...that's her problem not mine.