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She is pleading for a second chance. She cried and begged an hour ago in a way I've never seen before. .... I can't keep going back and forth here. I still love her...

Of course she's doing that. OM rejected her, and she realizes that at her age, she will have to downgrade.

OP, stick to your guns. You will upgrade with the next woman. I guarantee it.

When she tells you that she HATES the other man, she is doing so to manipulate you.

I love you, and I hate him, you are my life and he tricked me, he took advantage of my mental state. He is nothing compared to you, he is lazy, he is a loser, he is a piece of shit, I hate him and love you.

My WW tried to pull this crap on me as well. Trying to convince me she hated her affair partners even though she was sexting with them over a 10 month period.

Don't buy it, she is trying to pull the wool over your eyes, she is trying to manipulate you.

I love you, and I hate him, you are my life and he tricked me, he took advantage of my mental state. He is nothing compared to you, he is lazy, he is a loser, he is a piece of shit, I hate him and love you.

Yeah...that's lame. But it's been proven that she's not good at making the brightest decisions since DDay. So now she's saying what MG wants to hear. She may feel those things, but is it manipulation, feelings, regret, remorse, love, fear, panic, stupidity, lies or a combination of all those.

I'd like to see this one work out but my spidey sense tells me something is going happen once things settle down a bit.

Aren;t there still half done things still hanging around like NC, quit job, living arrangements?

MG has gone quiet for a while (I don't blame him) and that could be good because they are working on things and not doing the SI stuff or things went really south and MG just can't deal.

Hope things a heading in a good direction.

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 5:10 PM, January 22nd (Sunday)]

even though om says she should leave you to be with you, the fact she can not move in with him tells a different story.

i assume you went to the wedding without her, are you sure she did not sneak off to see om.

it is very hard to change and you may be more of a habit than someone she loves

you need to challenge her and what she says. did she not tell you that om may be her soulmate. maybe she now realizes that he is not but then again if you were she,would not thing he waa.

continue with the d and take everything else slow

Still going forward with the divorce here, thanks.

Did you go to the wedding without her?

D seemed like what you were heading for but it's still difficult as hell.

One day this will all be a memory. Hang in there.

Yeah I went without her. It has been decided that she will continue things with him. I'm at home alone... while my wife is currently fucking another man as we speak. She has been accommodating to my agreement because of guilt. I feel so alone. I just want this divorce to be over and done with. She has taken my distance and 180ing to run into her boyfriends arms. Talk about humiliating. Her texts are still coming up on my iMac so she's planning to spend the night with him friday and Saturday cause he won't have his kids. Also telling him how she can't wait to spend the night with him. Divorce is inevitable now.

Going to be so strange to continue my life without her and start dating other people. Ugh living with her for the rest of the divorce is going to be hell.

[This message edited by manualgtr at 12:13 AM, January 23rd (Monday)]

That sucks, and I am sorry to hear her poor choices continue to affect you. Strength and healing to you.

If it is any consolation, between his kids and the deceitful origin of their relationship, I think the karma bus will be running these two over in relatively short order.

Although it may not seem that way now, I suspect there is a bright future at the end of this tunnel for you.

Is there any way for you to separate, get away from her until the divorce?

You can't keep seeing her and knowing when she's fucking OM. Disconnect the iMac from her mail. You know what is happening and don't need a constant reminder.

Her parents should take her back, or she should move in with OM.

Does she know you know about her plans, is it in the open between you two?

The fact is that you will come out of this on solid ground, it may not seem like that for a while but you will.

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 1:12 AM, January 23rd (Monday)]

She can get me in trouble for spousal abandonment. I'm going to talk to her mother tommorrow since me and her are on good terms, she called me today and told me she loves me like her own son and that won't change. Her mom doesn't tolerate BS I'm sure if I ask she'll let her, but don't know if she will go for it. She can't move in with OM because he has two kids, no room for her. Yes she knows I'm aware of what she's doing and what her plans are.

Your lawyer should be able to deal with the abandonment issue, can she sign something agreeing that you two need to be away from each other? It's a toxic stew right now. MOmin law need to step up.

After all, doesn't WS want to separate too?

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 12:49 AM, January 23rd (Monday)]

If you're going to heal and detach then cancel the emails, you know what she's doing and what she's about, sure it will be hard but you won't move forward with your own healing if you're connected and seeing everything she's doing.

She's a douche,it's enough you're living with this and her. Time to focus on yourself.

Going to be so strange to continue my life without her and start dating other people. Ugh living with her for the rest of the divorce is going to be hell.

I promise you this: provided you take care of your health, both mental and physical, and retain a positive attitude to life post-D, you will be just fine. BTDT.....in fact, like me, you will atleast be tempted to come back here to encourage newly devastated BH's that there's light at the end of the tunnel if they choose to D, much quicker than the widely quoted "2-5 yr recovery" period. Ripping off the bandaid will greatly expedite your healing.

She can get me in trouble for spousal abandonment.

Not true, check with your lawyer, he/she will explain the minutae of the law.

You now know all her begging and crying was just an act to manipulate you. You know who she is and you won't be sucked back in. It may not feel like it at the moment, but you've dodged a bullet. Continue to detach from her and move forward.

I know it doesn't feel like it but sticking to your guns the way you did made her show her true colors. Now I honestly doubt things are going to last with this co-worker. I wouldn't be surprised if she comes begging again either, but if she does you'll know better.

Sounds like support is pretty much on your side. Although don't be surprised if your in-laws start moving to support your STBXW, this happens pretty much all the time. She's still their daughter at the end of the day.

But ya getting away from her is probably your best option. There's no way you're going to be able to live with her knowing she's going out to be with some other guy.

Be careful want you say to MiL. I thought the same thing about my in laws. They all rallied around her.

It is a horrible thing but be lucky she showed her true colors as quickly as she did. Below eve it or not there is a worse place to be right now - exactly where you are but with her still lying to you.

I'm sorry it took this ugly turn. But quite a few of us warned that it was highly likely that she was still in touch with him. Your bold action threw her for a loop to cause her to temporarily defog but the affect is not permanent. It takes time to for a disconnected WW to detach from her OM and even more time to reconnect with her BH.

I go back to my theory that for her, this was an exit affair. She's 31 and her biological clock is ticking. With you guys being together for so long and never trying for kids, she may have felt it was not going to the next level.

I'm sure divorce douche is older, with more relationship experience that comes with marrying and starting a family. That must have been a powerful draw for her. Of course she's not thinking through the difficulties of a blended family. I believe at least subconsciously, she's looking to get pregnant.

I think it's most likely that she's just a selfish asshole who thinks that she deserves both. Her entire pleading drama was her childish way of keeping both and the instant manual didn't kow tow to the alter of her holiness, her narcissism invented a backstory but in reality she just moved to easier prey.

She has taken my distance and 180ing to run into her boyfriends arms

Mgtr,

Please don't think for a minute that anything you did caused her to do this. I expect in her mind she has created this narrative to justify what she is doing..."I had to choice but to go to OM, Mgtr would not let me show him that I loved him..."

You gave her every chance and she wasted all of them. The D papers woke her up to the possible consequences of her betrayal. So she got all snot nosed at your feet.

Get passed the D, recover and heal. You are a young, safe, stable, sane man. Put yourself out there when you are ready. Go slow on getting set up on dates by family members.