SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

One reason I could see to keep digging is if your WW is having multiple affairs. This may be unusual, but in my case, it was a PA with one guy and an EA/PA with another simultaneously. Later, she started an online A with yet another guy. I'd say you should get more information before confronting if you can withstand the pain.

Badhurt, I can endure the pain. You know the saying if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger. I did my self pity thing yesterday. Guess as long as I'm working it keeps my mind clear. Its when I have free time that I think about the situation. Like I said, I thought I could find the information on my own. I know that this is no longer the case and I did need help. When I go to the attorney next week I'll definitely ask about a PI. I'm keeping my head up.

[This message edited by evdawg at 9:13 AM, August 28th (Thursday)]

Badhurt makes good points which I can't gainsay, you have to judge what's right for your sitch.

Here's where I'm coming from. It's not about enduring more pain so you can find out more - you know enough! (with the exception of the AP's W) - it's about lining up your ducks to PROTECT yourself when the reveal finally happens.

Sadly, there are very FEW stories of WS's on here who DON'T go underground when caught (more pain and uncertainty for you), and a host of other damaging behaviors: TT, gaslighting, hating/villainizing you, blameshifting ugh!!!!!

Either way, your "voice" sounds strong and like it's arriving at certainty - your firmness of purpose is admirable, whether you feel like an emotional wreck (totally understandable this early-on) or not.

Stay the course.

Be strong.

We're here for you!

Jjct, I hear you and the blame game let's the WS feel justified on what they are doing. Well I want to feel vindicated when I can expose this OM to his Wife. That's giving me purpose right now. If that makes me feel better instead of being in pity that's what I'm going to make happen.

When she it in the shower walk in and grab the phone.

I have used Spokeo and other sites, sometimes there is no info and it is a company or even a private individual, don't know how they get the "unlisted" number. You can always call the number and see who picks up, I used my work phone that just showed the name of the company in caller ID. There are also sites that you put in the number and they call for you, hoping to get a voice mail with info.

Trustedg can you give me the names of those sites?

[This message edited by evdawg at 10:01 AM, August 28th (Thursday)]

As Trustedg says, pick up the phone when she is in the shower and call that number from her phone. Even if you just say, "Oops, thought this was my phone, but it is my wife's, sorry, by the way who is this?"

Just a thought.

E.

Do you have an idea where this guy works, do they work together?

Has the GPS produced anything? If the guy is married, chances are they will not go there.

Best thing to do would be to follow him from work to home.

County assessor websites have lists of home owners, so if this guy owns a home, you should be able to get his address. If he is renting, and the cell phone is a pay as you go phone, then your best bet is to use a background service with his name and anything you know and get his place of employment.

Voter registration websites for your state might give information, they are public record as well.

Can you check marriage registries online. Some states or possibly your library has marriage records in a genealogy section.

Places like ancestry.com I think it is has marriage records.

Call around some local PIs and get prices, it might be cheaper than you think.

Do you have a friend who can help...maybe watch your wife when she gets off work and see what she does and or where she goes.

Evdawg,

Calm down. There is really no rush.

If there is an affair then it will come out.

No guarantee that one day of monitoring will get you anything. Maybe that was the day she knew he was out-of-state. Maybe she knows he commutes with his wife. You need to monitor for days before you possibly hit paydirt.

When at home does she spend time alone in a different room? You want VAR’s there…

Is her phone on a joint plan? Can you access her usage online?

evdawg

For the snoop sites just google. I stumbled on it when looking for recommendations on the best phone number look up sites.

evdawg: did you try PeopleSmart?

Tried spkoeo, people smart and a few others with no success. I called from a payphone on a college campus and I thought I was going to hit paydirt but he didn't set up voicemail. I was like DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!!!

Isn't this lovely. she's meeting up with the guy right now. GPS yielding results. Right now I just feel like sending her a text message saying don't come home. I can't wait until Wednesday to see if they have a PI so I can get this guys name so I can let his wife know. That's definitely giving me drive. Then she calls and lies saying that she was stuck in traffic. There's a concert going on. If she knew better the Eagles are playing a game at the stadium. Could have said a accident.

[This message edited by evdawg at 8:07 PM, August 28th (Thursday)]

Where did she meet up with the guy and how did she act when she got home. How late was she?

I think it's time to expose now why wait.

evdawg

How are you doing?

HM

Try InstantCheckmate.com and see if you find his name there.

Also try this

PennsylvaniaVoters.info

It works for my state. It should work if he ever registered to vote.

[This message edited by craig2001 at 3:39 PM, August 29th (Friday)]

I want his wife to know what he's doing to her and I want her to get as little as possible from the divorce

Evdawg,

Have you considered that one of the following might also be the case

(1) guy is single

(2) guys wife may not care- just happened on a thread here two weeks ago. She told BH that her husband had already cheated 4 times but she could not afford to leave him with four kids.

You are putting all this effort and absorbing all this hurt hoping that guys wife will break it up. big question is do you want to R after this even if you blow it up.

You are directing some of your anger to OM and want to get back at him, but he is just some guy wanting to get laid.

i would have it out with her over the four day week end. She may tell you who it is or grab her damm phone while she is on it and cant lock it and look at recent calls.

You wrote this on your first post:

I'm torn because I don't think she wants to divorce me, but this guy is telling her what she wants to hear.

That is common. That happens in about 90% of all affairs. It is unusual for the WW to want to ride off into the sunset with the OM, and many times they think the OM is a POS themselves.

Why are you waiting to confront your wife. Do you want to find out exactly if they have had sex, catch them or what.

You are putting way too much energy into the OM and his life. You don't even know for sure if he is married or not.

His facebook page should give a good indication if he is married or not. Does he work with your wife?

But IMO, you are putting a lot of energy into the OM when you should stop the affair now before it gets worse.