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Why does she just not GTFO of the house? Mom doesn't want her, OM doesn't want her except for special times, you sure don't want her...she has no friend to go to for a while?

At least my xWW had the courtesy and good sense to go to a friend's house.

It is hell for you but I can't imagine it's easy for her to be there.

She told me she'll quit her job and if I want to move forward with the divorce she will not ask for spousal support or anything because she knows this is her fault.

She has told me she wants more time to look over the separation agreement and what we should do with the house.

She's of course just dragging her feet I'm guessing. I wish I could just force her to agree.

As you can see from the above as your story evolved so did your WW, she is and has been full of verbal diarrhea right from D Day and the soonest you can distance and rid yourself of this person or alien being the better, so glad to see you are pushing,just keep on her like a fly on shit until she capitulates.

The WS lie, lie and lie some more, they try to feed you what you want to hear and when that fails and reality has smacked the WS a double dose across the face then much like during their A you don't fucking matter & they will do whatever they can to fuck you over.

Sending strength my man

[This message edited by notanotherchance at 12:05 PM, January 25th (Wednesday)]

I would also like to suggest making things a little uncomfortable around the house.

Reclaim the MB as why should she have the use of the MB at your house and the MB at her FB's house. Put a lock on the MB door when your WW is over with her AP getting her jollies handled. Pack up and move all her stuff into the smallest room you have. Hall linen closet works fine.

Pack up all the pics & mementoes of you & your WW, set them with her stuff and label the box "crap from the house".

I would make her life at home not so enjoyable and maybe wipe that smirk off her face when she returns from her FB and gives you the in your face.

[This message edited by notanotherchance at 2:31 AM, January 25th (Wednesday)]

You stated that when you told her you were definitely going ahead with the divorce, she restarted the affair and that the POSOM is going to be the second pick.

This might not be true. I don't think she really ever stopped the affair and that the POSOM was always going to be her first pick in this scenario. She just wanted to have the luxury of you providing her with support and a place to stay (since the POSOM didn't want to do this) while she got to fvck the POSOM.

So its good that you forced her hand but don't be sure that he is the second pick - don't mean to make you feel bad but just trying to clarify just what kind of low-life she might be!

I agree with Notanotherchance

did you at least take the powerade and dump it in the sink in front of her after she drank out of it ?

The settlement is pretty equal so she's of course just dragging her feet I'm guessing

she wants more time to look over the separation agreement and what we should do with the house

She's fence sitting to see if she can turn any of this to her financial advantage.

You should hope that the OM has made a commitment to her. If he hasn't, she is going to drag her feet more. I don't this this chapter has fully played out yet.

Excellent advice from notachance. I'd add: put a lock on the door of your bedroom.

ManualGTR

If you can try to be as goal-oriented as possible.

As has been pointed out then she’s probably trying to poke you. She’s trying to make you jealous or angry because if you react to her pokes it justifies to her the decision to have her affair.

When you react in a vindictive way she will only get a reaction to her actions. She wins. She uses that action to justify why she “needs” to divorce and therefore having her “friend” is OK. No reaction and detachment on your part… THAT will make her crazy!

That’s why I don’t agree with actions to demean her or punish. I don’t agree with actions that be domestic violence and can/will get YOU evicted like changing locks or trashing her stuff…

This is not saying you should be all nice, meek and loving… Far from it.

Keep the moral upper-hand. Be dignified. Firm but dignified…

Don’t let her get away with everything being nice and friendly. You are perfectly entitled to feel resentment and anger towards her. Like the Poweraid thing: Offer her the rest. If she refuses, then pour it. If she asks why you poured it, you simply state the obvious; “Sharing is too personal. I don’t know where that mouth has been”

Think strategically. If she realizes you want the house, then that will either increase its value or make it more desirable for her. So, if she insists she gets the house… offer it to her. But do so realistically where she outlines how she’s going to compensate you for whatever value is in the house or get your name off all mortgages and loans. Chances are that when she sees the numbers her interest in the house will diminish.

Wether she will be happy or not in the future is of no concern of yours. Yes, infidelity relationships seldom last yet I know a couple that started in infidelity celebrating their 23rd anniversary. Maybe this OM is only for a couple of months, maybe he’s Mr. Perfect. Not your concern.

From my understanding her and the OM are official, hopefully that makes it easier for me and she will be less of a bitch in this divorce. I pity anyone who is going to have her as a partner in the future after all of this.

Sounds crazy - "official." I hope they won't tie the knot until she gets divorced.

Oh man, this "relationship" will crash and burn, mark my words, and she will "see what she lost" and try to weasel back. Your WW is sooo lost Manual. Be thankful (as others have said) that this happened quickly and not 1 year into false R. So sorry man. Better this happen now than later on with Kids, etc.

This was an exit affair for her. She now has her prize. As pathetic as it seems, she chose that path the first time she got physical with him months ago. It just took time to get to this point.

You will soon be officially free of her. You need to be thanking God that you didn't have kids with her. If you think you're in pain now, imagine if she were the mother of your kid(s).

As you move full speed to divorce, you need to work on detaching from her. That's done by continuing the 180. Now you must build a life that she is not a part of. There must have been things you wanted to do or places you wanted to visit but didn't because you felt it wouldn't be right. Well now, it is GTR time.

Continue hitting the gym. Get involved in a physical activity that will not only get you out but also interacting with other men. Marriage life softens us. Time to reverse that. Activities that can help: hunting, fishing, MMA training, shooting at range. Basically go find your inner warrior.

There will be plenty of time for women. Work on healing from the backstabbing first. I know it doesn't feel like it now, your future is going to be BRIGHT.

[This message edited by Jsmart at 8:41 PM, January 25th (Wednesday)]

Jsmart is right. Her act is exposed. Move to a better place

Since they are "official", tell her she needs to move out for his sake. Ask, "what does he think when at the end of the day you still come home to me? Doesn't he worry about you fidelity?" Try not to snicker when you ask that.

Manual, you want the house then you will have to pay her the share of the equity. Now, everything in property AND debt is negotiable during the D process until it is all finalized. Juggle some numbers with her on debt and equity. In my D my attorney and I threw out some numbers at my XW and her attorney during mediation. I still took on half the combined debt and offered her a lump sum check for release on her equity in the house in lieu of D finalizing and the house being sold. That lump sum was half of the valuation of the home from the previous years tax valuation, NOT market value. She took it without an argument because she wanted no part of the business of selling the home (open home showings and negotiating with buyers) and that lump sum figure got her thinking all the ways she could spend it. Her lawyer didn't even question it. He was probably thinking too much about his cut of the settlement and how he was going to spend it. In the end, I ended with much more in the equity when the home was sold because it sold in a hot market where average list to sell time was 3 days. Final sell price was about 35% more than the valuation I gave it during mediation.

Bigger is right on not communicating to your STBXW that the home as most important to you. Instead, dangle a settlement check of her share of the equity of the home to get her thinking of her own new beginning. Offer a bit less than 50% and just tell her "that's all I can scrape up at the moment but you can gave it now if you sign a quit claim on the home." Of course, ask your lawyer about this strategy first.

[This message edited by Jduff at 10:35 PM, January 25th (Wednesday)]

keep in mind om has already been through this and advising in his best interest

now where he rents is not big enough for him the kids and your soon to be x but is your house

be prepared for this to gef nasty as she takes care,of her new family

I agree with the others, play it cool, get legal advice and try to get the best settlement you can. Move swiftly, but cautiously. Keep a cool, calm, outer demeanor, even though on the inside you are feeling...

[This message edited by longforgotten at 2:23 AM, January 26th (Thursday)]

She has said she wants the house so I'm not going to fight for it. Don't know how she's gonna come up with the money to buy me out. I suspect the OM will be moving in. I hope when this is over they get evicted

Manual I have read all, and have felt you have made the best of your situation.

Really sorry you're here, but so far you are doing the best you can do under these circumstances.

You need to treat this as an infection, like a cut on your hand that has gotten infected, and until you lance it, and clean it out, the pain of the wound will continue to get worse.

Once you cut ties with WW, you will still have pain of the memories of the M you had and the W you had; in time they will diminish.

That house is poison to you. If you did keep it, it would be a constant memory of the M you HAD. Staying in it may leave you never truly healing.

Don't relay this to your WW, you need to let her believe you are just as happy to get the house as she is, tell her "you know the house was really for her, and to keep to D moving along, blah blah blah....you get the picture"

You will not want to stay in the area, move away, so you don't have to run into her. Don't show or indicate in social media where you live. When you buy a home list the home in a trust, so she can't find you.

Her NEW life will blow up, the stress of a new family will start taking a toll on her, time is not on her side. When the fog lifts she will try to find you, and try to come back. Realizing what big mistake she made.

This will be hard, you're human, you have history; remember she was vindictive when she realized you would not remain a cuckold.

The OM sees the house as an opportunity, especially if he is renting an apartment. Even if they live together, the house will be a step up for him. Not your problem, it will hers now.

Good luck, move at as best pace you can; you may not see it now, but one day you will be thankful. This will truly take at least two years to put behind you, but really you're young, you can rebuild, even remarry to someone that you deserve.

Keep in mind that division of assets isn‘t half the house, half the Ford and half the Dodge. It’s half the total value of all assets minus half the total amount of debt. You can use the house to negotiate that she forfeits part of your pension.

If you fit the norm there is probably a mortgage on the house. I must say that being able to walk away debt-free and even possibly with an extra car to sell for cash, all your pension and savings, some furniture and basics to start a new home doesn’t really sound too bad.

I think it’s great she wants the house and that you are willing to walk away. I would think it would only foster bad memories for you, and she’s going to have a constant reminder and comparison of what she sacrificed. You will have the chance of moving wherever you want and restarting your personal life totally on your grounds.

I do contracts for a living. When someone from the other side says "want" or "need" my eyes light up. That's an emotional tie to take advantage of.