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Phoenix1 (original poster member #38928) posted at 6:29 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
My precious baby boy is home. The honor guard did him honor at the airport, and his best friend has done him honor as his official escort. His other two escorts, the other BFs, will be coming today. We were thrilled to find out the colonel we have been interacting with waved his official wand to cover travel costs for all three of them (the BF that was away at training was going to have to pay his own and we asked the Army to cover it if possible given his closeness to DS). The airline had all available ground crew come to the plane to pay respect, and they gave us a token coin to honor our fallen soldier.
We got DS to the funeral home where we got to see him, resplendent in his dress uniform with all his ribbons and medals, with his BF standing at honor at his side (I made him break his stiff stance at attention by giving him a hug and kiss on the cheek and told him how proud DS would be of him). I was able stroke DS's hair and kiss him. There is significance in the hair stroking, and why I mentioned it in the poem. Ever since he was a toddler, whenever he was upset or hurting he would lay his head in my lap and I would stroke his hair. He said it was the only thing that truly relaxed and soothed him, even as an adult. Every broken heart from a girl or any other stressful moment and he would turn to me for that stroking and comfort, as recent as last August. That was his Achilles heel, and only me and my DDs knew about it. Thus, the reference in my poem. As I stood at his casket, stroking his hair, I told him and my girls I was sorry that this time it can't fix his hurt and make it better. I so wish it could. There is a flag on his casket, but we were also presented with the flag that was draped on him as he was carried off the mountain. So we will have two when this is all over.
We will be back to visit with him tomorrow for a private viewing for only family and close friends allowed. The funeral will be closed casket with his smiling picture in a wreath with red, white, and blue flowers. I told my family I want everyone to remember him how he was, with his infectious smile, not how he is now.
Today I will be buying something to wear at the funeral that I intend to burn when it is over. I will also be working with DDs on a picture collage to also have at the funeral and reception. DDs are putting together an iPod play list of all his favorite songs to play at the reception.
Also finalizing funeral arrangements with nieces for bro and SIL. That will be in mid May.
Family is flying in today and tomorrow. Just want to get thru the week with my sanity intact.
[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:58 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)]
fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 6:32 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
My heart just aches for you hun. I'm so sorry for your loss. 
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
She11ybeanz ( member #27457) posted at 6:36 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
I was able stroke his hair and kiss him. There is significance in the hair stroking, and why I mentioned it in the poem. Ever since he was a toddler, whenever he was upset or hurting he would lay his head in my lap and I would stroke his hair. He said it was the only thing that truly relaxed and soothed him, even as an adult. Every broken heart from a girl or any other stressful moment and he would turn to me for that stroking and comfort, as recent as last August. That was his Achilles heel, and only me and my DDs knew about it. Thus, the reference in my poem. As I stood at his casket, stroking his hair, I told him and my girls I was sorry that this time it can't fix his hurt and make it better. I so wish it could.
I'm crying for like the billionth time today.....this makes me want to rush down the hill and hold my little daughter as tightly as I can......she loves to lay her head on my chest...and although she doesn't have much hair yet......(poor thing... 
)I love to rub her head.....and kiss her forehead.....and pat her on the butt in her little frog-legged position and just relish in that moment....
Because its times like these that we as parents never are prepared for. The...."I never thought this would happen to me...." becomes you....and its a hard reality to swallow.
I wish you lots of love....support and strength....now and in the many months of healing to come...((BIGHUGZ))
"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"
ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12
ThisHell ( member #37089) posted at 6:53 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
Oh dear Lord, I am balling now too. You are such an inspiration of grace and strength. My heart breaks for you and your family, but I am glad to hear you sound as though you are processing this and handling things so well. I hope you were able to find a small bit of peace having him home and loving on him in such a precious way.
You are all in my prayers
Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 7:00 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
Oh ((((Phoenix))))
What a difficult time it is.
You are being so thoughtful and strong for others, please also take care of yourself. Lean on us here, and please PLEASE don't hesitate to ask if there is anything that any of us can do for you IRL.
You are in my thoughts.
((((Phoenix))))
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 7:02 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
I also stroke my kids hurts away. I don't think I'll ever take that for granted.
Such a lovely tribute to your son.
Prayers, and hugs headed your way. Lean on us, we are here for you.
K
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
still2suspicious ( member #31722) posted at 7:06 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
You have such an amazing way of writing so that I can "see", like I am there. Bless you.
significance in the hair stroking
I know all of my DC, to this day, love to have their stroked. I stroked my DD's hair, at the age of 34, at MIL's memorial recently. It is such a comfort to both people. It's so calming.
I still have no words to take your pain away, wish I did.
I am sending my prayers, hugs and strength to you and DD's. Having your family close will give you strength, too.
PS: Just read the article on your DB's daugthers. Based on YOUR descriptions all's I can say is: 
Your DB and DSIL KNOW who is who, and what is what. They are with DS, and they are all bursting with pride for you.
Me: BSHim: WHDDay: LTEA Every storm runs out of rain - Gary Allen
D final 2/23
GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 7:15 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
There is significance in the hair stroking
I sooo get this.
((( Phoenix1 and Family )))
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
abbycadabby ( member #27428) posted at 7:32 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
As I stood at his casket, stroking his hair, I told him and my girls I was sorry that this time it can't fix his hurt and make it better. I so wish it could.
I started crying there.
I am so SO sorry. I still have no words.
((((Phoenix1 and family))))
gahurts ( member #33699) posted at 8:23 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
This brought tears to my eyes. I so wish that there was a way to take this all away from you.
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie
Rollercoaster ( member #1298) posted at 8:35 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
Dear Phoenix1, I am very sorry for all of your losses, especially for the loss of your precious son. My prayers are with you.
Me BS 59, WS 59
Reconciled
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 8:36 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
^^ This.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 8:45 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
Crying along with you.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
yearsofpain25 ( member #42012) posted at 8:49 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
I'm so sorry for all of your loses. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 8:52 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
Continuing to send you thoughts of strength. My heart sure is breaking for you.
trustagain ( member #16921) posted at 8:53 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
WH - 55
BS (me) - 57
Son - 31
Son - 24
Dday #1 - 10/31/07
Dday #2 - 12/23/07
Dday #1,000,000 - 12/23/09 - found out EA was PA
Dday Again - 13 years later....
yewtree ( member #16671) posted at 9:10 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
Dignity, grace, and so much love. He is with you, and he knows he is loved. You are an amazing Mother.
Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)
Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 - No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.
hexed ( member #19258) posted at 9:13 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
((Phoenix))
Thank you for sharing your update. I saw your DS's pic on the news several times. His smile is beautiful. I always stroked my son's hair so, like others, your words touched me and brought tears to my eys. Your words are so raw and powerful. Your loved ones are lucky to have you. I hope you are surrounded by more love and support than you can imagine.
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
Neverwudaguessed ( member #41884) posted at 9:47 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
(((Phoenix!1))) We are all sending you strength and love. All the mothers here will be there with you in spirit tomorrow. So sorry for you all….
BW: 46 Me
WH:50
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 14 1/2 years ago for 2 or 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 15
DD 13
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 10:16 PM on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
(((Phoenix)))
Your strength amazes me.
You have made me proud to be an American as well. Thank you Army for treating this family with honor respect and compassion.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
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