During our conversation last night she said she got a text from OMs wife. It basically said stay the fuck away from my family don't ever contact him again or there's going to be trouble. I was shocked to say the least and she immediately thought that I had been responsible for telling her. I said how the fuck was I supposed to do that when I don't even know his fucking full name let alone hers or where they live or any real information that would allow me to find her or her phone number to call her. She said that OMW, probably had access to his phone and that that was in the text as well. Which she deleted because she said she was freaked out. Did I mention she gave me access to the phone records too? Well she did, and later I checked and there was a number from our area that texted. In fact two numbers about 6 hours apart. I called the first one and it said the number has been disconnected. I made her call the second number later and that one was also disconnected. She deleted the texts before I could see them. I told her that she needs to show me those things in the future like if OM were ever to reach out to her again instead of just deleting them. Because it seems sneaky and not open. So this is REALLY FUCKED UP. What went through my mind was... it is possible her friend or WW came up with this scheme... To have me not worry about everything by using an app or burner number to text her something. Have her delete it so that then she can say it was from the wife and that I wouldn't worry anymore. And maybe not even need his name anymore because now it's really done.
This.. right here is the dirty scheme from your WW, remember when you said that you asked your wife to setup a meeting to catch this guy?!
Well now she can say I can't the OMW knows about it and he is exposed already, and he will never agree to meet again!
Buddy... you have been played big time..
You are in your early 50's you have a very good shot at life, don't waste that!
Work on your self, my brother is the same age as you he was married for 23 years and kicked his WW to the curb, he worked on him self for couple of month, and he is fully ripped at the gym, healthy, and he start his life with a new partner and he is very happy and enjoying his life to the fullest..
You will get all sort of blood pressure and heart issues if you continue like this and doing this:
That's honestly, if I step outside of all of this, what I'd be telling myself. This is going to sound ludicrous, but we've been together over 22 years - almost half my life!!!!! And despite how shitty this is and how shitty she is and how her shitty choices have impacted me and the boys, at this moment right now i'm really not sure what to do. I don't say this to get your opinions. I know those will come. And like I said before, i'll listen and consider and do what's right for me at this moment.
You don't have a choice when your WW says:
WW has suggested that if we want to go to mediation we can and if we want to battle it out in court we can and she's not sure if she has it in her for years of work to repair something that was in such disarray for 4 years or more. I honestly feel the same. I can't blame her for saying that and I don't I think that means that she's not willing to R.
She didn't say she wants to R any way because she knows what she wants, YOU DON'T, and the dead bedroom that you didn't do any thing about might have helped here, your WW is craving for a man, but she is not attracted to you hence she suggested to go to mediation!
Dead bedroom = not attracted to you any more.
And now she is calling all the shots, put your foot down and end this charade.
Can I ask you something, what is you goal in life? You seem to be stuck and wasting time, time at your age is very valuable asset that you can't get back, don't wast it, your not in your 20s or 30s any more.
Only YOU can fix this by being decisive!
The only thing that "might" work if you want your WW to snap out of her shitty mindset is to work on your self, but that will take time, so start yesterday, train hard, go on a diet if you are over weight (check youtube for healthy fast diet for your age and stick to it), eat healthy be happy, try to become more attractive, new hair cut (the dead bedroom should have given you a sign from the start you got too comfortable like most of us BS, setting on the sofa and drinking beer), ditch any thing about her affair for now, go out with friends dress good, have fun come back late smiling and being happy, don't tell her any thing if she asks, do the 180 hard, if you have your ring on take it off (fake it until you make it!) stop acting like you're 80 years old, your not, you are still middle aged man, so be one!
Buddy you need to work on your self and show her you don't need her to be happy and you need nothing from her and she's the one at loss!
Maybe then she will snap out of her mindset and work on the marriage, if not, you are already started to work on your self and ready to move on.
Your really don't have much choice, only to work on your self and move forward.
Best of luck..
[This message edited by Kaliber at 12:49 PM, July 15th (Wednesday)]