SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well if you’re going to be anywhere near the New Orleans area, let me know and we can have dinner with the family.

I could be WAY off here, but it looks to me like she had deep, strong feelings for POS. She seems to be more affected by him cheating on her than by you finding out about her affair.She was in love with POS. Now she is completely destroyed because SHE was cheated on and he did not love her.

Another thing hit me a few pages back. If her chats and videos showed up on an old iPad, that means SHE was the one making all the videos with her phone.

Please fill every moment with good memories for you and your daughter. Be careful with alcohol do try on something tropical to go with the hot weather...margarita, mai tai, you get my drift. Enjoy the sunshine and the time away from drama.

IMO you are wrong to take your daughter on a trip without notifying her mother. Just wrong.

^^^^ totally agree , TL. Fine to get away and go no contact, but just disappearing is wrong. Isn’t the mantra here always “NC EXCEPT in regard to CHILDREN and finances”? IMO, that should apply both ways. She is still her mother and deserves to know where her DD is.

[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 1:28 PM, April 8th (Sunday)]

I've always disagreed with that. If he wants to take the kids away on vacation and not tell her where, that's on her. She clearly prefers the OM over her kids anyway, as evidenced by this very thread.

Daughter jumped at opportunity. She is racing home to start packing.

Will call son and my brother to let them know where we are, and NO ONE ELSE! And they are to tell no one.

2018MLMM,

Elsewhere you were rightly chastised for wanting to involve your children in your plans to expose your WW. You are doing it again. I strongly recommend you stop using your kids as pawns in the very sad situation with your wife. Taking your DD and telling your DS not to tell your WW is just wrong. You are a dad. That means you put your kids first. Full stop. And you don’t play games with their lives.

On top of that she just had a breakdown and is with her parents for care and you are going to add to that by taking her daughter away and not telling her? Seriously???

If that doesn’t appeal to your sensibilities, then think about this. You are planning on divorcing your wife, right? Well, then all she has to do is show the court documentation that you did this knowing her condition and you’ll be labeled an unfit parent. Say hello to a TRO and no custody with supervised visitation because you’re a risk and unstable. If you’re lucky that is. And if she won’t do it, you can bet her parents will.

As a parent, I can’t even fathom doing something like this...

Keeping the location of her (she is still their mother) child a secret is taking it too far. I don’t agree with what she has done but you need to stop using your children as punishment. Be the bigger person here and show your kids that it is okay for them to still have a relationship with their mom. While they might be mad at her now, hopefully that will pass. There is no need to try to make a bigger gap between them by having your daughter hide or your son cover for where they are at.

I know the very first thought that my WW would have had ifn I'd disappeared of the face of the earth with the kids not long after Dday..........

SUICIDE PACT

She'd have fucking lost it completely.

I know your hurting. We all know how you feel, but mate, you are fucking with someone who has admitted to thinking of hurting herself. How do you think she gonna fucking react??

It often amazes me how quickly some people on here go from "she's the love of my life, my beautiful wife, I love her" to absolute hatred and cruelty within a few short weeks. I know that the pain is so, so intense, everybody does, but I do wonder ifn some BH's on here really did love their WW before DDay.

Taking off with the daughter without contact information or location is just a poor decision that could come back to bite him, and it is so unnecessary. He has filed for divorce, his WW wife has told him she will agree to his terms and not fight him, and he needs to move forward and detach to get out of infidelity.

Obviously OP is enraged at his WW and feels humiliated and wants to inflict maximum pain on her. I get it. I remember having similar feelings. But he risks going way overboard with some of his actions.

Also also it is possible the WW had a meltdown after being shown the OM POS having sex with other women because she had real feelings for the POS, but it is equally plausible that the OP made it crystal clear she had been played and destroyed her marriage and her relationship with her children for a phony, and she melted down from the humiliation.

Hello 2018. I echo the comments by Walloped. I would add also that it is my impression from the limited glimpse we get of you via your posts that you harbor some deep-seated anger toward your WW that feels like it pre-dates the A.

I can understand being angry when discovering a WW's betrayal, but for most of us BH's, the anger was overshadowed by grief and pain, and it was tempered by the love we still felt for our WW's.

IMO you need to pull back on your anger, finalize your D, and get on with your life.

[This message edited by Butforthegrace at 8:11 PM, April 8th (Sunday)]

Yes, what others are saying about the children is a concern of mine as well.

I can understand why you want to wash your hands of her completely and I am not saying that she has done anything that should cause you to feel any differently than you do. I know I've been somewhere between preoccupied with thoughts of, ramping up to completely consumed by rage most of the last week. There have been short bursts of the same with sadness as well but I know that's not something I want my kids to see any more of that they have to. Honestly, it's taken everything I have to remain in a place where I know I am not damaging my kid's relationship with their mother any more than SHE already has but it's really really tough.

I'm not trying to judge because I haven't been perfect by any means myself. Perhaps I am just projecting my own situation on to yours but there are some parallels that I find interesting I'm also a stubborn SOB and once I've made my mind up I rarely look back until it's too late for anything to be done about. It really takes some jumping up and down, shouting, and the occasional smack in the mouth to get me turned around when I am on the wrong path. So this is me jumping up and down hoping for you to consider the same. I just want you to be aware how your pain and anger might cloud your judgment.

Looks like you really hate your wife right now. I had a strong sense of anger when I found out about my WW A but it was riddled with pain, grief, a desire to make things work. Some people like you know from the beginning they can’t reconcile and it is fine, but you appear to rejoice in her misfortune.

I have no sympathy for your wife. I think the reason she is destroyed right now is because she was played. When affairs are exposed they stink and all of the excitement goes away. People fall from the cloud and see the filth and shame. On top of that your wife knows she is losing her family for it,...and now she finds out she was played. She deserves it all.

Oh please - the OP is going to take his daughter away for a great vacation. That's not going to hurt his daughter.

Well 2018,

Since you don’t actually answer any posters on your thread, and simply post updates, I do hope you read the above posters from the warm place that you supposedly flew to.

According to you, your wife cheated, came here and plead for help, then you exposed that her boyfriend cheated on her, and she had a meltdown.

Then you took your daughter away without informing her. And, you think that’s peachy behavior.

Get a divorce. Get a custody agreement. Wait til your daughter is an adult. Options you have, but you’ve crossed a line and I hope your cheating wife nails your balls to the wall on this one.

He is not using his children against their mother. The son is in college and the daughter starts college in the fall. He had to sit down with his children and tell them he was filing for divorce and why. When they started asking question, he told them they would have to ask her.

TRO with supervised visits????? Please read the entire thread. The kids are old enough to be on their own. No court is going to tell them when and where and for how long they can visit their father - or mother for that matter. At this time neither want anything to do with Mom. That will most likely change, but 2018 has nothing to do with that relationship.

She only went "mental" when she was told that her dear POS was banging a grad student and her at the same time.

Everybody please take a deep breath. Thank you.

Prior to leaving, I left my travel plans with several people, including my son, brother, and yes, her father and one of her sisters. I included flight #’s, where we are staying, and when we are returning. I did NOT tell her about this because she is in not in a good place right now. How ever I did ask her father to let her know about the trip but to also let her no that I do not wish to coomunicate with her until Friday at the earliest, and possibly not even then.

Just so everyone knows, we are in Disney, staying at Port Orleans, French Quarter. At this moment, we are at Downtown Disney/Disney Springs. My daughter is currently in a store, Basin, and I’m outside relaxing from a long day of travelling, swimming, and now shopping.

I have asked those who I gave my Tavel plans not to contact me unless it is urgent. The obvious exception to this is my son, who I talked to around 2pm today.

Now the purpose of this trip was not to use my daughter as weapon against her. This trip was at the suggestion of my counselor, who I met with yesterday.

I’m sorry if people feel I have not shown the proper gratitude for your assistance here. I’m sorry if you believe that I only use this place to only vent.

Yes, I do vent here, and I find it incredibly helpful to not only get things off my chest, but to also organize my thoughts. I’m sorry if you believe I need to answer all of your questions. Sorry, but I can’t. I will be the first to admit that I have gotten a great of advice from everyone on here, including things that I originally disagreed with and I thought was obvious from my “updates” that I had changed stratigies and/actions because of your comments.

I see daughter at register and we still need to get my son a Mr Potato Head with all the Disney accessories,

Thank you for everything and good night

So your daughter is going into college this fall? Are there exams/finals she should be worried about?

By being complicit in keeping her whereabouts from her mom a secret, and going on vacay with her obviously heartbroken Dad, this child is getting in way over her head. She shouldn't have to at this point in her life.

My counselor said that this mini trip would have two main purposes, First, it would remove me from the chaos for the time being and allow me to focus on something else, namely having fun and supporting my daughter. Second, it would give my daughter a much needed break from seeing her mother’s turmoil.

As an FYI, we’ve already had a nice productive conversation about her relationship with her mother. I think she did a great job verbalizing how she felt about a great number of things, including issues with her mother before her mother decided to become a w/s (I prefer “whore/slut” to “wayward spouse”), things I didn’t know about.

I told her that no matter what she felt towards her right now, she would always be her mother, and there will be times in her life when she wishes she had her mother around. I explained the impact of losing a parent had on me. In the end, I was happy that she would at least stop calling her mother by her first name.

[This message edited by 2018MLMM at 11:20 PM, April 8th (Sunday)]

By being complicit in keeping her whereabouts from her mom a secret, and going on vacay with her obviously heartbroken Dad, this child is getting in way over her head. She shouldn't have to at this point in her life.

I believe son was directed not to tell Mom either. This is so unhealthy for them both.