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Edie ( member #26133) posted at 5:52 PM on Monday, February 6th, 2012
Coming back to Harlowe: there is always something that is inferior about the OW. Inferior to the WS that is, and chosen by the WS so that he can feel superior. Often it's simply the OW's lack of any real self-esteem and the placement therefore of the WS on a pedestal.
The WS needs to look down, not up. If he wanted to look up, he'd look at you. If you get my drift.
2yrs+recovering ( member #31582) posted at 6:14 PM on Monday, February 6th, 2012
At 3 yr antiversary and this still is what the BS needs to hear. Thank you for keeping this thread alive!!!
BS (me)60 FWH 72
Married 35 years
4 children and 3 grandchildren
5 yrs into R.
Now that he has changed and become the man he should have been all along, why should I start over?
MammaMia ( member #34030) posted at 3:19 AM on Tuesday, February 7th, 2012
Eddie:
Amen!!!! true words. Thanks for telling the truth to the world.
And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
Edie ( member #26133) posted at 8:00 PM on Saturday, February 18th, 2012
Bump
the_goat ( new member #33916) posted at 9:56 PM on Monday, February 20th, 2012
this thread deserves a good bump!
Her--WW, OM a coworker. Both got fired for it
Me--BH
I love my wife, but I don't know if I can continue like this...
Fathful123 ( member #34867) posted at 10:05 PM on Monday, February 20th, 2012
This is so true!!! The OW/AP is quite unattractive. Her husband even said as much. My WS really went to the dog shed for her.
DDay-7/11/2011
Me(51)
WS(54)with ED!!!!
OW- 49, big manly looking, Amazon looking Ho ; works with federal government but in different state
Several EAs and one oovoo recorded masturbation chat!
We have been Married 18 years
3 kids youngest 17
sri624 ( member #33956) posted at 11:16 PM on Monday, February 20th, 2012
BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance
jasonguitarboy ( member #22939) posted at 6:40 PM on Friday, February 24th, 2012
The other man in our situation was a trade up in my opinion. ME-5'9" 230lbs (overweight) him, 6'3" dark skin, very muscular (could bench 401).
Yeah, did wonders for my self image.
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger... right?
Me-BS 35
Her-WS 32 (surviving1979)
standinghere ( member #34689) posted at 10:22 AM on Saturday, February 25th, 2012
Really, they always do.
Superficially it may not look like it. The other person may be ___________ have bigger ________ or more _________ (fill in the blanks with anything you want). But, they are still "the other" not "the one" in all but a few cases.
I think most of us worry that they may be "the one" and we are "the mistake". But almost always they are "the mistake".
My wife had the affair. The OM was in her own words, after she got to know him "dumb" and they had "nothing to talk about".
4 years later, me still not knowing about the affair, I was in a bank one afternoon, to get some paperwork taken care of, and the young woman, attractive physically, very friendly, half my wife's age as well as mine, was very accommodating and made sure to kneel down in front of me in her skirt and low cut blouse to go through the papers (I was sitting in a chair...I doubt she wanted to show me her cleavage...it was probably all just business).
I was sex starved at home, a residual of my wife's affair was an aversion to sex which had been there to some degree before the affair as well, but I knew that I didn't want to hurt my wife and kids...and I knew that the nice young lady at her best couldn't hold a candle to my wife even on her below average days.
My wife asked me why I stayed with her through the years, I told her the truth. I had dated taller women, thinner women, and younger women, but I had been bored with all but one other person till I met her.
I'm not trading down.
FBH - Me - Betrayal in late 30's (now much older)
FWS - Her - Affair in late 30's (now much older )
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled BUT!
Edie ( member #26133) posted at 4:49 PM on Thursday, March 1st, 2012
shattered123 ( member #27843) posted at 4:52 PM on Thursday, March 8th, 2012
BetrayalHurts ( member #34836) posted at 5:03 PM on Thursday, March 8th, 2012
I love this....thank you so much. The only thing my WH's OW had over me was she was 25 years younger..she definitely was not prettier or have a better figure and her personality was awful...and she was lazy to top it all off....this I know from working with her.
To make a long story short...your post has made my day!!!! 
M 25 years
BW Me - 50's
WH Him - 60's
OW 25 years younger
D-Days too numerous to mention last D-day being 12-2-11 *OW went on fishing trip 5-21-13*
"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"
Offhispedestal ( member #32528) posted at 5:12 PM on Thursday, March 8th, 2012
ME-48
WH-49
Married 27
2Beautiful daughters
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)
In R
IrishLass518 ( member #34373) posted at 5:19 PM on Thursday, March 8th, 2012
He ended up with OW cause I stopped letting him cake eat. He is still blaming me and has said he waited 40 years to find her and be with her. I can't help but laugh, she buys it. If she were that important, nothing I said or did would have kept him in our marriage. He would have left and stayed gone. He didn't and he proves his own position every day. He said he couldn't leave me cause I would take the house, I gave him the house in the divorce and now it is in foreclosure cause he hasn't made the payment, guess it wasn't that important after all so why did he stay for 3 plus extra years? Cause he affaired down and he knew it then and he lives with it now!!
Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"
PeaceLove187 ( member #33559) posted at 6:41 PM on Thursday, March 8th, 2012
In a weak moment of obsessing, I Googled the AP's fiance. I still can't find his contact information but did see that his mother passed away in August. That struck home because my H and the AP declared "soulmate" status shortly after his mother's nearly fatal stint in the ICU. So while my H's mother was deathly ill, I was ignoring my work and staying by his side, being as supportive as I could possibly be. While her fiance was mourning the death of his mother, the AP was desperately fighting to keep her A alive.
Yep, I'd say my H affaired down.
BW--Me, 59
FWH--Him, 61
Married 37 years
Empty Nesters
sandy78 ( member #34958) posted at 10:21 PM on Thursday, March 8th, 2012
When I became suspicious of the A I ended up searching for the OW on facebook...when I saw her picture I kind of laughed at myself because she didn't seem very attractive. I told myself I was being silly, he would never go for someone that looked like her. Ugh.
Me: 34
WH: 35
DS: Born 11/2011
D-Day: 2/26/2012
Divorcing...
If someone wants to be with you, there's nothing you can do to make them go. If someone doesn't want to be with you, there's nothing you can do to make them stay.
LivinginLimbo ( member #35004) posted at 12:15 AM on Friday, March 9th, 2012
THANK YOU!
I didn't read all of the replies but the original post is amazing.
BS - 65
WH - 63
Married 37 years
D-Day 2/12/12
D-Day 6/1/16 Caught him back online early enough that no physical contact took place but still devastating. This sucks.
Edie ( member #26133) posted at 8:39 PM on Tuesday, March 13th, 2012
annb ( member #22386) posted at 3:24 PM on Wednesday, March 14th, 2012
bumping to top
Mormegil ( member #34841) posted at 12:28 AM on Thursday, March 15th, 2012
Ugh, for me it sucked to read this...basically the OW described here is my WW. Her self esteem IS really low and in the middle of a MLC =\ She is however very physically attractive, especially for her age.
[This message edited by Mormegil at 6:29 PM, March 14th (Wednesday)]
Me: BH 38
DDay 10.18.2011
Divorced.
DD: 11 yrs old
Dating someone new now.
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