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She says "size matters" because she knows she has to break you down by using verbal abuse. She knows that hurts the most. She knows that making you feel worthless is the only way you'll stay. Don't buy it. She's broken and weak YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE POWER.

Oh man. No offense to you, but your WW is cold, mean, spiteful, etc.

I agree that at one time she was. This was by far the most honest she has ever been with me. I really do not believe that she said it to be mean (not the conversation this week anyway). I think she was trying to be honest. But, I think it would hurt less if it were a lie and she was just trying to be mean.

I guess this is by definition; sweet sorrow. I feel like I have waited all my life for her to be honest with me and when she finally is, its devistating.

I feel like I have waited all my life for her to be honest with me and when she finally is, its devistating.

(((((((((joeboo))))))))

Grace

Joeboo! Go back and read this thread three more times, then print it out and take it to IC with you.

You are not listening.

And this is a perfect example of how her verbal/emotional abuse is so insidious. She was able to strike you in the most hurtful place imaginable, convince you that she's only being honest (and I'm sure she doesn't want to hurt you but this information is for your own good???), and have you defend her for doing so.

I think your fooling yourself here JB.

There is no sane spouse alive who would say such things to their SO and expect a happy M afterward.

She either wants you to file, or to be her whipping boy.

In all honesty, you are in the "average" range of "average". Which means that 80% of the male population packs similar heat.

This is about her, this is who she is...believe her!

In spite of all your pain she has no problem doling out more.

if all she wants is a big dick and a paycheck, then let her go find someone else that'll put up with her.

I'm sorry JB, YOU NEED TO RUN!

and have you defend her for doing so.

I believe she was being honest (which is somehting I don't do much of these days). I also believe the damage is irreparable.

My point was that it is ironic that the first truth was also the death blow.

joeboo, to be honest, I have heard of a few women who size matters. Those are very few and far between. Maybe it really does to your wife. If it does matter, let her find a huge hunk of flesh to make a happy life with. But for 90% of women, it does not matter.

(((((((((joeboo)))))))))))

Trust me... it doesn't make a one bit of difference about size unless SHE has some kind of a problem. (Sounds like she's insensitive in more ways than one!)

Too many men "of size" (meaning they think they're large, and might even be...) figure that's enough and that screwing is the same thing as making love.

It's not.

She's screwed. YOU are just fine, and don't you forget it. She's "picking on you" in the guise of honesty and only made the remarks about the car full of women because she was insecure.

joeboo, you can do MUCH better. Women who worry about size are trophy hunters. Whoop-de-do.

You ARE the one with the power or she wouldn't be so intent on tearing you down. Don't let her!

"hang in there"...

There is no sane spouse alive who would say such things to their SO and expect a happy M afterward.

This whole ride has been a little insane, that's for sure.

"hang in there"...

Thanks. I don't see this story as having a happy ending. It's almost like another d-day, only with no hope. I need to get back on my feet, and I'll be fine. WW is being nice so maybe that will at least get us through the holidays and give me time to get my shit together.

I am still a man even if I don’t need to use both hands to write my name in the snow. But this is embarrassing and very humiliating for me. This is not good. I don’t know if I can stay in this marriage knowing this. And I doubt I could ever be intimate with any woman ever again in my life.

She has really done a number on you and she has beaten you down with years of abuse and cheating! You doubt your own self and there's no reason to, because you're an honorable man and there are a million women out there looking for you.

There is a fine line between honesty and brutal honesty. When a person's 'honesty' causes another person humiliation or distress, it's BAD. It wounds and leaves scars. You deserve so much better Joe. Good luck!

Oh whatthefuckever! She is full of it, JB. She is hitting you where it hurts the worst, and calling it the truth. Making you believe it, too. Man, she's good.

My SO is that average man. In spite of his having been around the block a few times, he didn't quite know what to do with what he had been given.

Like some men, he thought you have foreplay, hope on, hump to it, and the woman magically has an O.

Thankfully he trusted me. We explored ways to make things different. Gentle, loving guidance has him saying he's having the best sex of his life.

His ex did a number on him as well. She did the same thing your WW is doing. She wasn't going to be happy until she insidiously destroyed him from the inside out.

He's one of the nice guys, see..and she couldn't handle that he's just a better person than she is. She couldn't improve on herself so the next best thing was to destroy him.

Don't let anyone ddo that to you, JB. I'm all for trying to save a M, but it's really hard for me to encourage you to stick this one out. I'm afraid there won't be anything left of you by the time she's through. Even for women who prefer the man on the large side can be perfectly satisfied with one who isn't. It takes creativity on BOTH sides to make it happen. She just doesn't care enough to go "exploring" with you.

Sorceress said it best when she said that your WW is a big enough dixk for the both of you.

That makes me very sad. You don't deserve this. You sound like a nice guy, and there are just some women out there who want to beat that kind of man down. I am so sorry that you've seemingly found one of them.

I'm sorry, if she said this in brutal honesty, and not ment to inflict further pain, then I think she would have clarified that. I'm not convinced she did not say this in order to twist the knife, and shove it in deeper. (Sorry pun here).

I'm not sure where you are at, but for me, that would be the nail in the coffin.

It seems like you have the worse of two evils dilemma.

1. Your wife is really that messed up she has to beat down someone who is already beat down to validate her own poor choices.

2. That it is indeed her so-called "truth", something you will never be able to give her (very convient for her).

Both are lousy choices. You can try to rationalize that she was finally being "honest", the truth is that in either situation she has placed "fault" on your doorstep.

Time to focus on you. Really, really think. Is this the kind of relationship you want? Where are the boundaries for yourself? How much "truth" (bullshit) are you willing to tolerate? Are her issues really yours? When do you look after you?

DETACH, DETACH, DETACH. Get some space for yourself.

eta: WH has a massive problem with what I wrote here. I apologize.

[This message edited by TruthorGoodbye at 1:50 AM, November 1st (Tuesday)]

Wow.

There are so many fucked up things about all of this that I don’t even know where to start.

As you can see, I am a WS. I understand you are a BS. What I want to do, right now, is drop the labels, drop the sides, and just say something, man to man, in a way that anyone else reading this (women) can understand. I hope they are reading--I know they will understand.

There is a base, irrational, and silly thing in every man’s head that makes the size of our cocks important. We can pretend it isn’t, but c’mon--admit it--IT IS. Not in a logical, rational way, but some shitty self-esteem way. I can play therapist for a moment and say that it all goes back to us all seeing, at some moment, our father’s penis causes some issues later on--it’s possible. Regardless of the fact, all men “worry” about the size of their cocks, be it 5 inches or 10.

Let me state a fact. All women know this is an issue that all men have.

Let me state another fact. ALL MEN, regardless of size, have this issue, in some form or another.

Let me state a FACT, my friend, and I am sure of this as I am that the sun will rise on the ‘morrow--your wife did NOT say that to be “honest.” She said that to emasculate you. Period.

She said that and you measured your dick, researched average size, and justified she is just “being honest.”

Horseshit.

That statement was designed to hurt you and manipulate you. No woman would ever say that to a man in any other capacity.

At the end of the day, a dick is a dick is a dick. Who cares? Intimacy is what matters. Do you have that with her? Do you have moments when you can see she lives and breathes you? That she is sorry? That she fucking cares? If she is hinging it all on the size of your penis, the answer is probably “no.”

What really bothered me is that she said I was better endowed and better in bed then the men she fucked around with.

bigger + better = not good enough

Now thatll start a complex.

To say this to a man is to exercise the nuclear option. If I were to say this to a man I'd expect him to either walk away forever, verbally cut me to the bone or hit me.

This is up there with "your mama's a c*nt."

All this is doubly true if the above statements are accurate in any way.

This was by far the most honest she has ever been with me. I really do not believe that she said it to be mean

Because she wasn't snarling when she stuck the knife in?

Be very careful here. Just because she's using a pleasant tone of voice doesn't mean she's not dangerous. It's just more manipulation on her part.

joeboo, I've purposefully avoided this thread because I could guess what was on it, and I just didn't want to see the cruelty. Now that I'm here I have to say that your wife is... I just don't have words.

She has created quite a customized hall of mirrors for you. She very effectively keeps the focus off her behavior while you try to wander through the maze guessing what is really in front of you.

Get out now. I wouldn't wait until the holidays. Save yourself while you can.

So how would she feel if you told her she had floppy tits that reminded you of two eggs hanging on a nail?

Come on! MMT is right! She's using what she knows hurts. Even if it's really the truth, that is some mean shit. She needs to be truthful in other areas, like with herself. I'm sorry she's putting you through so much. It's not the size of your dick that is the issue it's the size of her heart.

Listen to these posters! Read and reread the posts. She is manipulative and trying to take the focus off HER and her issues.

My spouse made fun of my body and body parts a LOT. It made me feel very insecure. He also told me in my third pregnancy that a big tummy was a HUGE turnoff and "what is a man suppose to do". THAT hurt. I had 5 kids. It was hard to block it. I was never very big, a size 1-3 and a 7 after 5.

And when I told him how it haunted me and hurt me over the years do you know what he (recently) told me? He felt I was WAY above him in looks and figure, out of his league so he wanted me to feel inadequate so I woud feel to bad about myself to cheat!

My point in telling you is not how ^I^ felt but WHY he said those crushing things. He always commented on every gal that he saw making me feel even worse. He finally stopped that when I said NO more!

So you see it was HIS own insecurities and his way to degrade and "control" me.

Ironically, it slowed our sex life because I never felt "good enough". And he was a twice a day guy most of his life. I wasnt very willing for the most part...

Dont bank of this being brutal honesty.

I cant imagine ANYONE saying cruel things like that.