SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

OW said when I accused her of having sex with my H. " only a couple of times".

It was over 10 times. OW was married as well.

My FWH said the usual just friends, not in love with you for 6 years, he wanted a relationship I didn't control, he didn't think I would care,. Now he says he had a mental illness and was making bad choices.

To all of us in this position , big hugs.

"I say I love you to all my friends". In an act of justifying why the emails I saw weren't really that bad. Do you also tell all your friends you want to cuddle naked under the blankets with them too?

"If you loved me I wouldn't have to have looked elsewhere"

And this was the closest he came to having any sort of admittance or remorse. Filed for divorce, haven't looked back.

"because she grabbed my dick as I tried to leave and said she wanted me, it would have been rude to say no."

After ex, I had a bf who I found out slept naked in the same bed as his best friend (a woman) one night while I was at work. When I got mad, he told me it was no big deal, she was like his sister. That was about the last thing he got to say to me too.

My serial cheating stbx, who was then involved with yet ANOTHER OW:

said that he didn't *want* the divorce that *I* filed.

(yes, dear. the fact that you continue to fuck other women clearly indicates your desire to keep your marriage)

My stbx was living about 10 minutes away. One day on the way back home, my then-12 year old began crying....and cried all the way home. The poor kid cried every single time that he came home. So about 5 minutes after drop-off, I got *this* lovely text:

"I hope you're happy"

(stupid fucker. yes, dear. you continue to fuck other women while i have to have about 20 minutes of chair time with your son after EVERY drop-off because he's devastated that his parents are getting divorced.)

He also dumped 5(!) other OW on me one day about 2.5 yrs after original Dday. I took it pretty well....I had known he had been lying and was finally relieved that he was telling the truth (turns out it was a lie, but whatever. Also, can you say boiled frog?) Anyway...I very calmly asked him "where did you meet them?" (because he travelled a lot). His response was: "Why? So there can be MORE places that we can't go?"

Yep, his empathy gene is underwhelming.

I learned, via MOW, that I was not "The One" for my husband, who I'd been with for over 30 years. I guess the two soulmates arrived at that conclusion because their True Love outshined all others.

In response I asked WH why he married me---he'd had 8 years to ascertain I wasn't "The One," and yet proposed.

He said, "because you loved me and I didn't know if anyone else ever would."

I guess he spent the next 25+ years testing his hypothesis.

[This message edited by solus sto at 8:08 PM, January 4th (Friday)]

Aside from the initial standard denial responses I got:

" I took advantage of a sick friend."

Really? Apparently he wasn't too sick to screw you and carry on an affair!

I also got this gem: "When it was over (the supposed ONS) I got back in my car and cried"

Would have ment a little more to me if you would have cried at any point BEFORE you sexted and sent pictures, made plans to meet him, gave him a BJ and theen screwed him.

Kind of like telling the victims that you cried after you murdered them. And these tears of remorse could fill a thimble since D-day.

[This message edited by Crumbled324 at 5:39 PM, January 5th (Saturday)]

"I never loved her, I only loved you."

"The sex wasn't even good, I didn't like seeing her, just the free phone sex BUT if I didn't keep seeing her she wouldn't talk to me on the phone."

"I didn't want you to get hurt."

"You and I couldn't afford to go away for the week-end." (she bank-rolled the plane flights and hotel stays)

"We only met five times in two years."

After I outed yet another grubby little EA, he got all upset with me saying 'that's finished, thanks to you. You ruin everything'

Yes, I'm just your wife, you idiot.

Wow Weatherly, just... wow. I know WSs say some stupid sh!t but what yours said is right up there.

He obviously didn't think it was "rude" to screw around on you but it would have beed rude to deny the OW sex after she *grabbed his dick*???? Why (and how) did she even get the opportunity to do so? He never thought about that, did he?

On Dday: "It's only been the last 2 months and there have only been 2 and only one time each." So you want a medal for restraint?? ( this was the beginning, then I got tt'd for a while after. Still have no idea of the final tally.).

And when asked why he wanted to talk about plans for 'our' future just the day before he filed and told me about A's, he just stammered and said, "I - I- I don't know. I guess I'm making bad decisions. " Well, no shit!!?

He also told me all the things *I * had lied about and all were things he had gotten crickets in response from me. It was his controlling mind that decided what my answer would be.

Yeah, and he proceeded to list all the things I was always doing for EVERYONE else, "But you've NEVER done ANYTHING for ME!!". The last bit while poking a forefinger toward me for emphasis. Poor, deprived baby.......!

[This message edited by thebighurt at 8:22 AM, January 5th (Saturday)]

How about her first words after I flipped the light-switch (after the initial scream) with OM still on top of her: “It’s not what you think!”

My goodness, Bigger, what could you possibly have thought was going on????

Well, for a moment I thought he was trying to keep her from heaven. When I entered the apartment I hear her screaming “God, I’m coming!”

(Nah, not really, just couldn’t skip posting that joke)

Even at the time I found her comment funny.

I have three men (two exs and my current) full of goodies.

From my past men:

"The only reason I am in trouble is because you came home without calling. You should have called first. Who doesn't call first when they will be home early?"

"I'm not going to lie, you're not hot when you're pregnant."

"She was an ex, and I had sex with her for years before we met. Why should it matter if I have sex with her every now and then now? It's not like she's someone new that I've never been with before."

And from the man now:

"I should just buy you a plunger, because all you do is bring up old $:@&!"

"It's not even really cheating, I didn't sleep with any of them."

"I thought of it as interactive porn."

"We'll obviously I never thought you would find out. I made a mistake, ok?"

I am in a better place now, stil working on my healing and trying to R the M.

So here are som all to common, some repeats, and some I did not see on this thread:

ILYBIANILWY.

"We had been talking about for some time" WW and OM before bring OM into our home to @X@ each other and our M

"I was curious" WW on why she went with OM to sex emporium for their second tryst.

"It had private viewing rooms". WW. See above

"The hotel was nice, it even had statuses in the lobby" WW commenting on the hourly motel she frequented with OM

"Not every time!" WW after letting TT slide out that she would meet OM for "lunch" and give him oral in his suv

"He used his hands on me" WW. see above. Justifying 1) her and OM did not @$@% and 2) OM cared about her enough to give her pleasure

"It was only once" WW telling me why outings with her family trump being attentive to me. Referring to the special family gathering when she chose a "girls night out" to go @%#@ OM

"We became friends the second year" WW commenting on relationship with OM.

"I could not trust him" WW on why she did not intend to leave me for the OM

"We told each other we would be friends forever". WW and OM discussing long term plans.

"I just wanted to be with him" WW describing her feelings, attraction and relationship with OM

"We had sex about 10 times (over two years)." "We went a whole month without having sex because OM was distraught over his son" "I do not recall if I saw OM (before DS Bat Mitzvah) but I would have wanted to see him" WW answering me about the frequency of sex during the affair

"It was just what was said" WW commenting on how she and OM ended their coversations with "I Love Your"

"But he wanted me to" WW after trying to make me feel good by telling me that "I never came while I was with OM" and then adding the "but he wanted me to" in order to 1) make me feel like OM cared for her pleasure 2) convince herself that OM cared for her pleasure 3) convince me that OM was a sensitive, caring, good person, 4) convince herself that OM was a sesnitive, caring, good person or 5) ______________ (add your own)

"I just followed BH's lead" WW telling MC on why she married me.

"I have always been unhappy in our M" WW on why.

"Because you (BH) love me" WW on why she is staying in the M (post DDay)

"I did not think you would find out"

"It was only sex"

"It made me feel good, it was exciting, it was fun! (and with a huge smile)" WW responding to MC request to tell me why she had the A

"I don't know. Where do you go for your excitement. (with a terse, defiant, pissed look). WW. see above. Responding to my upset and vocal reaction "where do I go to get my excitement?"

"I hope not" WW on wheter she would have continued the A if I would not have pursued the evidence that led to DDay2 (when I found evidence that led to DDay 1 3 months prior, WW lied and continued A - the tale is in my profile)

"It is me - W" On DDay2 after hours of conversation giving me the tale and seeing the despondent look of my face, my body. And today, I still wonder who she is

The list could go on and on but alas my tired fingers, mind, and soul say it is time to bid adieu. My best wishes go out to all of those inflicted by this horrible thing called infidelity for a peaceful and joyous 2013. May you get everything you deserve and then some.

h&c

"It was fun, I guess." This was the answer to, "How could you do this?" prior to true remorse setting in.

"No, I didn't have feelings for her, she was just a really good friend."

When I told him that I didn't believe he only carried on a "sexting" relationship with her and was pushing him hard for more detail his response was, "I just don't want to hurt you." Well . . . that said it right there, didn't it???

"I thought fake boobs and piercings were hot and I'd like them but it turns out the fake boobs feel weird. I like real ones better." . . . Well, I'm glad you were able to find out for yourself!

"I forgot." Pretty simple . . . but this was his response when I confronted him with phone records proving the A continued for two months longer than he originally told me it did. What's really sad about this is I found out on Feb 22 and their last communication was on Feb 5. So you forgot that 17 days prior to DDay you and MOW were still texting???? Ya, right!

This one will really tug on your heartstrings, though: When I asked him if they were still sexting after we found out we were successful in conceiving (which we had been trying to do for months) he said yes but out of respect for me they didn't talk about fantasies of the "two of them", instead he would, "tell her stories about you and I . . . like, if we had sex the night before I would tell her about it and what we did and she would tell me about her and her boyfriend," (and no, it was not a typo when I put MARRIED Other Woman).

"I knew you'd be mad. I never thought it would hurt you like this." Seriously? I guess he was just expecting a slap on the wrist and then it would all be okay afterward.

"I didn't think you'd find out." I guess he should have been better about deleting the history on his computer, huh?

"The sex sucked, it wasn't what I expected at all. I thought she'd be wild and kinky and crazy. I bet that from the time I walked into the house until the time I left was no more than 15-20 minutes . . . She just laid there, she didn't do anything to me . . . She had on a really strong perfume that didn't smell good and she had that sour/sweaty smell (in certain areas)." Yuck! So then I ask why, if it was so bad and unappealing, did he keep sexting her for another 6 months? And I got this tidbit again, "I guess because it was fun." Yuck, yuck, yuck!!!

How could I forget this one:

"I've spent the last 24 years busting my ass to make you happy..." (The implication? The cheating was the one thing he did to make himself happy. Furthermore, I have no idea when that ass-busting occurred. I sure as shit didn't feel it---and let him know. After I stopped laughing.)

[This message edited by solus sto at 6:13 PM, January 5th (Saturday)]

OOh boy....

"You made me do it." Yep I was there putting a gun to his head.

"I haven't been happy for 2, 4, 6 years, since 1995".

When asked by our youngest D (around 12 at that time) Why he married me.. Because he thought he loved me. When asked why he married OW? " because it felt wierd living with her and not being married to her".

When asked WHY he doesn't see our 2 oldest DD's... "They don't talk to me, so I don't talk to them." When he moved the second time he didn't set up a bed for DD1, When he moved the 3rd time he didn't set up a bed for DD2, When he moved the third time, he didn't set up a bed for DD3 (and she was talking to him, but away at college) She asked where am I going to sleep? "In the guest room, we'll call it your room when your here, but if someone comes, you need to go to your mom's so we can have the guests stay over."

There are a host of others... the man does not make sense... STILL. And it's been almost 10 years now.

That's X... I'll think about XSO and what he said.

FWH: nothing happened.

OW: nothing happened.

FWH: it was gradual, how was I supposed to know the exact moment when it was wrong?

Fine then, I just won't talk to any women at work ever again.

I needed a friend.

You ignored me, you were so busy taking care of DS (who has a life threatening illness and has been on and off chemo for years). [this from the guy who'd come home, not say hello, snipe all through dinner, watch sports every night after dinner, and tell me to stop interrupting the game when I tried to talk. Now I know why he was like that...thanks, howorker!]

Man, it's a wonder I stayed with him BEFORE the EA