SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just adding a few other thought.

For the betrayed women on SI, I'm sure that they would say that penis size is not as important as faithfulness. Do it matter if the guy is hung like an elephant if he can't keep it in his pants around other women?

I can't draw worth a darn. It doesn't matter if I have a small pencil, large pencil, etc. The drawing skills simple are not there. Guys, we need to know how to use what we have no matter what the size. And, a penis is not the only "tool" we have in the bedroom. Hands, mouth, fingers, our overall touch, etc. A man with ED could still be the best in the sack if he knows what his partner wants and needs. Communication, caring, intimacy, etc.

[This message edited by gotmylifeback at 8:49 PM, January 3rd (Friday)]

Yes, as I said, for some women it does matter, but sorry you are in the minority. Not discounting you, but you are in the minority.

I'm fine with that - I've always been a little different.

I can't ever really picture myself a WS, but if I were to be, I would imagine it would probably have nothing to do with penis size. So I agree from that perspective.

If anyone read my earlier post, they will see that when erect my husband will reach 2 inches. He cant penetrate me with those 2 inches either due to medical circumstances (plz read my profile) But I married him, because I LOVE him for who he is.

I know that throughout his whole life he has suffered with the fact (that HE feels) he is a freak, that he will never be a proper man to any woman. He feels that the size of his dick is the most important thing about him or being a man. Its taken me a long time to convince him otherwise. That he is loved for who he is, not what he has between his legs.

I don't understand women who think less of a man by the size of his dick! That would be like a man saying he doesn't want to marry his partner cos she has small breasts. That's just shallow!

My husband is my 2nd husband. My first husband was very well endowed, its a shame he loved his fists and his alcohol more than me. I didn't stay with him cos he had a big dick. I left, met and fell in love with a man whom I didn't sleep with for 4 mths because he was so scared of showing me his body.

Women worry about the size of their breasts, their body shape, how pretty they are etc. Its the same for men, men worry about the size of their dicks.

Isnt it the same for us, when a man tells us we are beautiful, when all we can see is stretch marks and scars? Women can go on telling a man he is huge for century's to come, they are not going to believe it ... ive spent 14 years with my husband trying to convince him that his size does not matter to me. He doesn't believe it, never will. But we do still enjoy a healthy sex life. We are very friendly with Ann Summers and have ways and means of enjoying a full on happy normal sex life. I wont say he is 100% happy with his body no, but I am, and if it takes me till the end of my days to keep telling him, I will. So 2 inch, 4 inch,6 inch or 8 inch ... I would rather have the love and affection and the faithfulness of a loving partner ...

(ob I didn't get the faithfulness outright, or I wouldn't be here! But we're working on it)

That "ocean motion" nonsense? As my first H said: it's the ability of the captain to keep the ship in port until all passengers have disembarked. (ok: gotten off!)

Just kidding, just kidding! (No, really: please, don't just keep pounding if that's not working!! Take the ship for another port of call, or just let it drift for awhile.)

Seriously: size has only mattered to me in the That Thing Hurts! Dept. Everything else has been absolutely dependent on *everything*.

And I hate that it's called "foreplay" - it's all SEX. It's all using our bodies to create intimacy and arousal and love. Hands, genitals, toys, hearts, thighs, mouths,.......

Size does not matter. Size has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with a woman’s desire to have sex with a man. Society has conditioned women to believe that it is important to make a man feel good and women believe that men like to think that they have big dicks…. So yes, a woman may tell a man “ooh you are so big and it feels good” The truth is that she doesn’t give a big rat’s arse how big your junk is! It is your ego she is more interested in stroking than your cock!

Well unfortunately, no one can speak for ALL females, so this may be true for some, but not all. A couple years ago I met a nice gentleman and did have a strong attraction to him - until I discovered he was so incredibly under-endowed that even the tiniest condom manufactured would not have fit him. The poor guy was built like a 12 year old boy. My passion and attraction for him pretty much dissipated upon that discovery. So in this case, size definitely DID matter and had everything to do with my (non) desire to have sex with him (and I didn't).

While the situation above doesn't have anything to do with men who have been cheated on and suddenly wonder if it was their 'size' that drove their wives to cheat, it does address the general "size doesn't matter" statement. Sometimes, it does.

Womaninflux, just curious does your husband know of your thoughts about his junk?

I don't usually post. I mostly lurk and try to gain strength from other people's successes, but I thought I'd put my hand up as someone for whom it matters.

I had a c-section with my daughter, and a minor infection developed. I don't really know if it was that, but I've always wondered if there's some scar tissue now causing some things to "sit" differently, because after that something changed. Both my affair partners were thicker than my BH, and somewhere in there they put pressure on a spot that just made it all happen for me. I've never been very "orgasmy," but with them it was like flipping a switch.

Not a great topic of conversation to have to admit to in MC, I can tell you. He was absolutely crushed. It still makes me cry just typing it now...I feel like an asshole.

Anyway, my point was, I think maybe it depends on how your anatomy sits "down there?" Like, maybe some women's g spot is more exposed or sensitive to friction? Just a thought.

My favorite saying:

It's not the wand, its the wizard behind it.

I have had 4 sexual partners and I honestly (for the long ago ones) don't remember how big/small or cut/uncut they were. All I remember is how they made me feel

Aren't there two aspects of the size issue? One is just physical feel. Most women on here and from my experience (I'm 30, it hasn't been that long since I've discussed this with my girlfriends) believe that unless it is extremely large or small, it does not make a difference. And is certainly less important than skill, dedication, and how a man makes us feel about ourselves.

The second is manliness, right? Men think they are more or less of a "man" based on their size, compared to others. But when I think about DH and how much of a man he is, it's not about his penis. That's like saying he's less of a man because his pecs are small. That would make no sense.

Also, has anyone been trying to figure out how to make these stupid little faces sexual. Like this one or or my favorite if I could change the color of the vomit .

Edited for sensitivity. Edited again because I just realized how awkward "edited for sensitivity" is in the context of this thread

[This message edited by Tickingtock at 6:22 PM, January 4th (Saturday)]

fst86411 - does my WH know…

...that it's the one I connected with the most? Yes, he knows that…probably did not until after all of this happened though…Communication has always been a problem for both of us.

...Does he know I wanted to rip off his private parts over the course of the last 10 months since DD? He knows I was the angriest I've ever been in my life and I flew into a few rages and slapped his face a few times.

…Does he know it's on the smaller side of what I have encountered before we were married? No…does not know that. We've never talked about that kind of stuff - comparing notes, etc. I don't see the point, really. It's not like it makes anyone feel better.

Shortly after d-day, fww told me that size mattered. It wasn’t until I threatened a poly to learn all the truths about the A’s. When I posted it on here way back then, there was an overwhelming response similar to this one where most of the women insisted size didn’t matter. There were a few that said it did matter to them, just like on this thread. In fact one said they were just as happy to have their partner supplement their inadequacies with toys of greater magnitude.

The funny thing was that several of the women who responded back then about how size didn’t matter, also replied to a thread a couple of weeks earlier about the things they found attractive about their WH’s. You guessed it, several of the same ones who claimed size didn’t matter also mentioned the attribute of their WH’s being well-endowed as being attractive.

Condom companies have conducted significant research to support the $6 Billion/year industry, so size is no secret. The average range is 5.5” to 7.5”. I would hazard a guess that 90% of the men on this planet fall into that category. Similarly, I would hazard a guess that 90% of the women on this planet would find the average range to be pleasurable. However, there are the other 10% of the men and women on this planet who fall into some other category.

With that said, if you fall into the “normal” range and woman you are with is one of the 90% ok with that, then there is no issue. If the man falls into the 10% or the woman falls into the 10%, well then there is a much greater likelihood that there will be some type of incompatibility. If both the man and the woman fall into the 10% at opposite ends of the spectrum, they just don’t make a cream for that yet.

Does size matter? If it matters to the woman you’re with, then the answer is yes and it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks. If it doesn’t matter to the woman you’re with, then the answer is no and it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks.

I don't want to be unpopular here- but yeah, sometimes size does matter.

There was a guy I was with before my H- his dick was like the size of a thumb in length and not too much bigger in width. I couldn't even feel him inside me! Obviously I never ever said anything to him about it and it wasn't why we broke up, but yeah...that was not the most sexually satisfying experience, and size had a lot to do with it.

Not saying that someone who is an inch below average is going to be a huge difference, but minus two or three inches in length and not much girth either and yeah, it does matter, at least it did to me.

There are times (OK, most of the time) where I think cosmetic surgery (like enlarging breasts, penises, etc) is a curse on society. It gives people the illusion that they should and could somehow be different, makes people (not everyone but a significant amount of people) feel so very self-conscious. Before these damn surgeries were possible, I think it was more accepted that we are born a certain way, we don't have any control over it and never have. Or who knows, maybe people have always discriminated and chosen based on looks, size… But to this extent? Perhaps people felt less insecure then when there weren't body-altering surgeries (or porn of real people for that matter). We accepted ourselves the way we are.

Unless a person has thousands of dollars lying around, there is nothing they can do to change their body (and this is coming from someone who can't even afford friggen' braces - and by today's cosmetic standards, I "need" them). So why be so down on ourselves? Why tolerate it when someone else is down on us? We need better messages for ourselves and each other. We cannot change our bodies, so why not embrace them instead?

[This message edited by silverhopes at 12:53 AM, January 5th (Sunday)]

To use a very old quote...

It's not the size of the waves, but the motion of the ocean that counts!!

Yes, I do tell my H that he is big when I'm trying to turn him on - because that's what he likes to hear. But ultimately, I don't care about his size. There is so much more that happens prior to penetration that gets me turned on.

I've had that alcohol-related conversation with my girlfriends too. Most of us just don't care...as long as the guy's technique is good. Most of us want to feel desired, to feel sexy. That usually happens for women BEFORE a man takes his clothes off.

We also want to "smile" and it's been proven scientifically that most women can't or don't "smile" with just intercourse. If a guy is good at foreplay, most women won't even notice the size of his dick right away. And foreplay is not just tongue or fingers. It's a kiss on the back of the neck, whispering in her ear, etc, etc. It's the way you make us feel that contributes most to our "smiles".

This brings me no comfort at all...and is actually making me trigger like hell.

So not only did OM have a bigger penis than me, he also knew all the right buttons to push to get my WSO coming back for more again and again! HE made her feel desired and sexy, so she completely opened up to him...and totally rejected me.

Now I really feel like shit...

:(

[This message edited by Jesu at 6:50 AM, January 5th (Sunday)]

I think like most things it only matters for most of us in the extremes. Yes, there are some women who have strict requirements for size, not the majority, but seriously I think that is usually the sort of thing that's addressed and evaluated while you're dating, right? We're not talking about the first time a woman sees a guy's junk and thinks: nope, too small, not for me. We're talking about marriage - when she's seen your junk and developed a long term relationship with it. If a woman has strict standards for what gets her off, I'd like to think she would have addressed this deal breaker in her criteria for getting into a relationship with you in the first place.

The funny thing was that several of the women who responded back then about how size didn’t matter, also replied to a thread a couple of weeks earlier about the things they found attractive about their WH’s. You guessed it, several of the same ones who claimed size didn’t matter also mentioned the attribute of their WH’s being well-endowed as being attractive.

Size doesn't matter to me, but my husband's size is something I feel very attracted to because it's attached to someone I love. Eye color doesn't matter to me as a general evaluation criteria (I could be attracted to brown or blue or green) but my husband's eye color is one of the most attractive parts of him. Those things aren't mutually exclusive.

Isn't it possible to not be a 'breast man' and think a lot of different boobs could be equally attractive, but sincerely love your wife's size?

Men think that way, and that's because they think we think the same way.

Men "sell" love to get sex, women "sell" sex to get love.

Men "sell" love to get sex, women "sell" sex to get love.

That's funny you said this because I said something on the idea of this and seems like I got blasted. Mostly I agree with you. Woman don't like hearing this and men won't admit this. But I think it goes back to some of our instincts to procreate. It's sad but true. I think I said..."Men will use woman's emotions to get sex, whereas a woman will use sex to get a man's emotions."

It just goes back to the differences in the way men and women think, or are wired to think, just like the topic of this thread.

Oh goodness I probably shouldn't post on this thread....

I am in the boat with the "size doesn't matter" passengers.

But, I'm also not a large woman (unless of course you set me next to my WH OW. Then my 5'6", 120 lbs with 34DDs make me fat ass amazon freak)...oops, there's my self esteem flying out the window again.

on a sidenote, kegels are a girls (and guys!) best friend when it comes to actual intercourse.

And about the other things.....in my world, they don't matter very much at all. I was "ruined" so to speak on all that with my exH. He was all about pleasing a woman and was all about making it last. and last. and last. Sex with him was a chore and I hated it. Never could just have a quickie, he didn't know what that was. Shortest time was about 2 hours, no lie. It was exhausting and I dreaded going to bed every single night. He thought he was a god to have such control over himself and thought his great skillz were something every woman desired. Maybe some other women but, not me or his 3 other ex-wives obviously, lol....ok, I'm sure they had other reasons to leave his serial cheating ass just like I did

So, my point is, I like sex, really like sex A LOT!....as in actual intercourse not so much all the other crap. I'm different than most women (at least the ones I've discussed this with) in that I can pretty much orgasm whenever I want. Doesn't take much, I'm easy to please so to speak. I like it fast. You take too long and I'm going to become disinterested quick and I don't fake anything so, you will know.

My WH and I have always had GREAT sex. Always. And we do the other stuff and all of it is awesome. Until now of course because I have no self esteem anymore. I feel ugly, old and fat in the bed. Thanks to him.

Let's go back to the fact that I really like sex. so, we still have sex because he still is my husband and I refuse to look elsewhere as I'm not into infidelity myself.

I just have my fun and don't give a rat's ass if he has any fun or even likes it.

I kind of hate myself for being like this. A couple friends told me I'm just like a selfish man...?

Woman don't like hearing this and men won't admit this. But I think it goes back to some of our instincts to procreate. It's sad but true. I think I said..."Men will use woman's emotions to get sex, whereas a woman will use sex to get a man's emotions."

I hear this all the time and I still don't really know what that means, how it translates to reality. When I read this, it makes me picture people who are dating or engaged in affairs. Women wanting love and paying with the currency of not-really-wanted sex to get it, and men wanting sex and paying with fake emotions to get it. How does that translate to married people?

As a woman, it's not that I "don't like hearing it" but that I truly don't understand what it's supposed to mean, in the context of marriage. Women actually do enjoy and want and need sex. Men actually do feel love. Right? I mean are you men faking your love for your wives, just to get sex? My guess is no, or you wouldn't be here on SI. Are women faking enjoying sex, just to get our husbands to love us? Clearly we're not, otherwise how would penis size and this thread even be relevant if we were all faking the sex part in the hopes it would buy us love? If that were truly the case then every woman would want a dude with a tiny dick that lasts 2 seconds so we wouldn't have to feel it or deal with it and we could get on with our emotional payback ASAP.

And if women have affairs to get an emotional connection, and trade sex to do it, then why would the penis size question come into play, if it was just a tool used to get whatever emotional bandaid they were really after? Isn't it more likely that if a woman had sex to get an emotional fix from someone, then penis size wasn't even a factor?

[This message edited by heartbroken303 at 2:50 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]