SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm assuming that you are still working all day long and that the OM's wife, with her high powered job, is as well. And your son still goes to school leaving her with a significant amount of time alone.

If so, what has your wife done to show you that you can trust her after taking advantage of the situation before? What is she doing, other than saying "I'm sorry" and "What do you want to do?", that demonstrates that she is sorry for the wounds she gave you and that she is willing to do anything to help you heal?

[This message edited by Crushed7 at 10:27 AM, October 27th (Thursday)]

Griz, your wife's friends hate you is because your wife has told them what a bad person you are. I am guessing she tells them she is waiting for your son to get older for her to leave, and probably they all are aware of the other man and tell her, "you go, girl!"

How did the girlfriend know you were at the coffee shop with your wife and son? This is a rhetorical question, your wife called her right in front of you and your wife told her girlfriend that your wife was forced to go there and stay there, that's why the girlfriend called the police. Your wife is playing all of your arguments, every little part of your marriage, in front of all of her girlfriends.

Your wife is lazy and despite that you do everything and she does very little, she resents you for having to work so hard and so long and she believes you should be doing even more for her. She deserves to be pampered, she is very special, and everyone tells her that she is a prize and you are lucky to have her. If they don't tell her that, she stays away from them and sticks with the ones who do.

I don't think she loves you. I think she is the type that only loves herself. That is just speculation and meaningless at this point, maybe it's something you should ponder further down the road as this saga plays out a little bit more.

For now, really and truly I believe this, that you will never reconcile with her while she has a posse of "you go, girls!" willing to call the police because she has told you just how very evil you are, so when she says you've forced her to a coffee shop against her will, they truly believe it and call the police worried you might be murdering her. That is what your wife has told them all about you.

Be very careful. A posse like that will get you removed from seeing your son, and almost definitely removed from your house. And when I say the posse will do it, what I mean is that they will give your wife many good ideas to get rid of that evil man that your wife must put up with in order to have a place to live and food to eat.

Watch yourself and don't be naive, don't think this can't happen. Keep a voice-activated recorder going on you at all times with her, though it is not foolproof.

You are acting like your wife's girlfriend called the police, but that girlfriend only called because of your wife's characterization of what was going on.

Please don't tell me you are starting a massage therapy with your wife as the masseuse.

Griz,

How are you doing?

But I can not fathom it. That is framing your husband. The father of your child.

Technically, yes....but it may not be as master-minded and calculating as you believe it to be described. Try looking at it more as continued manipulation---but with further reaching consequences. Also, look at this with a WW that still has a screwed-up method of thinking.

For example, when you took her to the park and the coffee shop, how did she interpret this--as her husband who is hurting, and needs to work through these events, or as a spiteful jerk who is only trying to rub her nose in her affair? My guess would be the second option. So she retaliated back at you---by either telling her friends some exaggerations, or by making the plans herself.

Either way, the end result was manipulation to end this event....which it did. It will make you think twice before doing something like that again---hence the manipulation. But it also 'set you up' for so called *abuse* in the future.

That is more likely the 'framing' that has been done. It may be a little less calculating that what some here have described, but call it for what it really is.

You strangers out there with your own pain and histories. You kind people who have written me. Who have stopped what you were doing. Taking time away from your jobs, your children, your days, to read my lengthy notes and provide your feedback. Thank you. I never thought anyone would even read my first desperate note, much less respond with such great advice.

Thank you. What a tremendous support you have been. Really tremendous. I am terrible at asking for help. And when I did you strangers have responded beyond my expectations. Thank you. I will not forget this and will respond in kind to others in need.

I am going to provide an update to those interested and some questions and thoughts as well.

First, I have not done what many of you have advised. I am probably making a lot of mistakes that will make you slap your heads in wonder. But this is so new to me. It seems like only moments ago my life was on cruise control when it suddenly got wrecked. I am making mistakes.

First I cancelled all work this week. I have never done that in 20 years. I needed the time. The rest of the world can wait. If not fuck them. I took the past couple of days and spent a lot of time talking with my wife. Late into the evening. Early in the morning. We argue. We cry. I might be being a sucker, but I look at her face and I want to believe her when she tells me that she is sorry. That her deep sobs really mean remorse. That she wants to change herself and make our relationship better. That she feels horrible for what she did and can never forgiver herself much less expect me to forgive her. A part of me wants her to hurt and feel pain. But when I see her cry, I want to hold her and tell her it will all be ok. So fucking confusing.

She tells me she is taking responsibility. She has let me see her phone and all of her texts. She tells me where she is and who she is with. She admits her guilt and says its her fault. She says she wants it to be “us against the world”. That our family is the most important thing to her. That she was living in a fantasyworld. I think that she is starting to get just how much she hurt me and that it was her doing.

My emotions are still all over the place. When I think about what she was doing I get so angry. The I think that she is still my wife. My wife. What don’t you do for your wife? Then I think about that book NMMNG and realize that I have a LOT of baggage that I need to deal with. I am a Nice Guy par excellence. I am a damaged person who found another damaged person - with the resultant dysfunctional marriage and recent disaster. So what don’t you do for your wife? You don’t let her disrespect you. But do you forgive her? You don’t let her lie to you. But do you understand why she lied and try to forgive? I just don’t know. You don’t let her take advantage of you and betray you. I am so confused.

We have been having sex. And its actually been good. I think I just need to feel close to her or feel like a man or feel like she is still mine. Probably the worst thing I should be doing. I don’t know what the hell I am doing.

I know that I have to care for myself more. I am going to my first IC tomorrow. My wife is also going to and IC. And we are going to a marriage counselor next week.

I am meeting an acquaintance who kind of knows whats going on for drinks later. I need to talk to someone other than her. I need to get another perspective from someone who knows me. I reached out to another person who I thought would be ok talking with me about this but he balked. I think this topic is too heavy for him. It felt like a slight but whatever.

About the “you go girls”. Spot on. I was really in shock (again) about this whole phenomenon. There seems to be a culture among women to be supportive of each other. Supportive is good but this in my opinion is enabling. Apparently my wife told two of her friends about this affair as it was ongoing. According to her, they said that she should be “careful in what she chooses to do” or “talk to me about it”. I could not believe that this was the advice given. If I was driving toward a cliff and called someone up and told them what I would doing I would hope they would say, “STOP!!!!” not “be careful in what you choose to do.” Insanity.

And what is even more surprising is how much support my wife is getting from her friends and family AFTER she tells them what she did. What the FUCK is up with that? There are places where adulterers get stoned. Women used to have to wear a big “A” on their chests. They would be shunned and shamed. I don’t advocated any of that. But warmth and support? What the hell?? If I had done that I would want my family to yell at me and tell me I was a fucking idiot. How could I be so stupid? You made you bed now lie in it. etc… People are telling her she needs to get a lawyer. Protect herself. Move out. Do a trial separation. That she is welcome to stay with them anytime. That she should be eating and taking care of herself. Is she getting enough rest? On and on and on… Its like she is a fucking a hero for doing these horrible things to her husband. Am I crazy for thinking this is outrageous?

It makes me more angry at her and hate her friends an family who have not extended even the slighted kind word or “how are you doing” to me. Fuck them.

About the Police incident. She showed me the text she sent to her crazy lesbian in denial friend. It said “Griz dove after leaving pediatrician and drove us to the park where my boyfriend and I used to hang out. I am trapped.”

That’s what prompted the call to the cops. I can better understand why that psychopath called the cops on me after reading that. I don’t think it was planned though. Maybe I am being naive. She moved the car because the cops wanted to interview up separately. But I don’t think it was a set up. I could be wrong though. I do think you guys are right in that a “paper trail" has started intentionally or not. I am discussing with my attorney next week.

I am just really having a hard time believing that she could be that evil to set me up like that. I think that is too much for her. I don’t think her brain could work that way. TheDarkestTimes said “I Don’t know if your wife is smart enough for the preplanned DV strategy. Probably Not.” That made me laugh because I think he (or she) is right. Her you go girlfriends very possibly are smart and clever enough though.

Guys I am just not ready for a recorder now. I just can’t do that. I can’t live my life that way. Not in my home.

Greyson gave great advice and asked me to find out what gifts they gave each other. Cheese. They gave each other cheese. I just have to shake my head at that. What the fuck?

Phantasmogoria discussed her toxic friends. And they are definitely a problem. I told her I don’t want her communicating with people who are harmful to our marriage. And she came back with “why are you trying to isolate me from my friends?” Really? I have NEVER interfered in any way of her seeing, communicating, or hanging out with her crazy friends. Never. Now since I don’t want these bitches (forgive all the hateful language. I’m pretty angry) bad mouthing me and interfering in our marriage, I am suddenly trying to “isolate her”. Bullshit. I talked to her more about this and I think she gets it but finds it very difficult to “choose between her family and her friends.” That pisses me off.

Thank you very much LifeIsBroken. I am really trying to use this as an opportunity to work on myself. I have neglected myself and my needs for YEARS. I used to have hobbies, interests, friends, be fit. Now all I do is work. I forgot how miserable I was. This has really opened my eyes. I am going to use this as a catalyst to try and make myself better. If my wife is interested in the same and we can heal, great. This could be something that genuinely makes us stronger in the long run.

If not, I will have learned a hard and painful lesson in my life. But I will not let this wreck me. I am going to be better from this. That is my sincere hope.

ChamomileTea said what I did was reckless and controlling regarding the trip to their old fucking ground. I appreciate your story as well. And maybe you are right. But I considered it completely justified and feel no guilt about it. I wanted to see where she went with him and see her reaction to being there with me and our son. You see, she would go with him to places where our family would go for walks all the time. Why couldn’t I do the same? If that made her uncomfortable, too bad.

Doggiediva my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry about your situation. I feel your pain. I can only imagine you passing each other in the halls not speaking. Sitting in different rooms. The tension must be unbearable. Just awful.

wk55hn noted that my wife is lazy and says that I should be doing even more. This is quite correct. She didn’t bat an eye when I went to interview for a 5th job. I am not exaggerating. She never really felt responsible for thinking that she could help out and start working herself. We had a fight about it once and reluctantly interviewed for a job that was not practical. When I told her it wasn't practical she was relieved and hasn't look again. And you are very right, her you go girls remind her all the time how special she is, what an asshole I am, and how lucky I am to have her. And no wk, we are not starting a massage therapy business. :)

I feel more like a human after these past few days. I am hopeful. I am looking forward to therapy and focusing on myself.

Again, thank you all so very much. You were with me during one of the darkest moments of my life.

Grizzly,

It's great that you're reading NMMNG. Yes, you definitely fit the bill but don't allow your WW to put this on you for being too nice or too distant for one second. If you have a chance of R working out, she needs to accept that she is 100% responsible for the A no matter what the situation was like pre-A.

She also has some other very concerning issues that you need to address before R can work for you.

“Griz dove after leaving pediatrician and drove us to the park where my boyfriend and I used to hang out. I am trapped.”

She's painting herself as the victim. That's also why her friends and family have been super supportive of her A and why they're telling her to separate and D you. If they knew the real story, they wouldn't all be that supportive and unilaterally telling her to leave you. At least some would be telling her to work it out.

Have you actually seen what she told them? Are you sure it wasn't peppered with statements that you have gone off the rails and that she's afraid of what you will do? Did she give them the details that you trapped her, forced her to accompany you to the A spots to punish you, and that the police had to be called? Doesn't that mischaracterize you as a spouse worth leaving?

Even if the police call was completely unintentional, and I do believe your WW did not set it up ahead of time, she definitely facilitated it by portraying herself as being held against her will by you. Couple that with some previous conversations about what a terrible husband you are and it makes sense that her friend was concerned about her safety. Did you ever get a copy of the police report? I ask because I have a hard time believing that if she was on the phone with the police as she stepped outside explaining that it was a misunderstanding that they would have bothered with going through the whole interview process and treated you harshly. You need to know for sure that her story about what she said matches what they have in her records to the T otherwise she at the very least is spinning a story to use against you in the future. Have your lawyer get a copy for you.

And she came back with “why are you trying to isolate me from my friends?”

And this is why I think she's been painting you as abusive to others. Asking her to cut out toxic friends is not isolating her. It's all too perfect that she used the exact wording of what is found in an abuse checklist.

And you are very right, her you go girls remind her all the time how special she is, what an asshole I am, and how lucky I am to have her.

Well, they can only go off of what she tells them. If she makes you look like an asshole, this makes perfect sense.

Grizzly, do you have access to her phone and email? If not, you can't even be sure that she's not talking to the OM right now planning on restarting the A when things die down. The first steps to R are honesty, transparency, and taking full responsibility. The next steps involve her doing everything she needs to to make you feel safe in this M. Saying she finds it hard to choose between you and friends won't cut it. All the IC and MC in the world is pointless if she's not willing to cut her friends off for being enemies of the M. You have zero guarantee that this won't happen again and that they won't cover for her in the future. That's no way to live.

You will need to think very hard about saving this M. Will it be worth it if you're just feeling "meh" about the M and working 5 jobs while she gets to sit around and benefit? Do you ever see her becoming the partner who works as a team with you and pulls her weight by getting a job and contributing? Do you ever see her as doing things to take the massive amount of pressure off of you during hard times? If not, what are you trying to save if the status quo for your M wasn't good to begin with?

Griz, based on your last post, I see you understand. I agree about the dysfunction, it is difficult to think you are being too giving and too sacrificing, but it is true, that does not help you or her. She needs to become an adult and own her situation and her lot in life, acknowledging all of her decisions have brought her to this point in her life.

Her attitude, which maybe you were unaware of until this happened, is how "hard" her life is, how her husband doesn't give her enough - not enough money, not enough affection. She compares herself to those who have more than her, never to those who have less than her.

About her friends vs. your wife - my observation is that almost always birds of a feather flock together. If cheating is OK amongst her friends, then her mindset likely is that cheating is OK. Not every cheater gets support like that, but then again not every cheater badmouths their spouse so frequently and vociferously to their friends and family.

You drove your wife and she claimed you "trapped" her. She didn't say a single nice thing about you, no sympathy, no empathy - ZERO!!! Do you think even now she has said even once to any of her friends or family, "I treated my husband atrociously."? I think the message she has been sending is, " My horrible abusive husband found out about the only little sunshide I had in this dank dark life in my life, now I have nothing, and he has been very, very MEAN to me. He even CALLED ME NAMES!!! I am trying to protect my child from him."

That could be why ALL of her friends and family act that way. She misled them, too.

Bottom line, either your wife straightens them all out with the truth of how she misled them, or they must go. They do seem despicable, so does OM, but the main focus for now must be on your wife.

Talk is cheap. Words and cries and looking in her eyes won't give you any truth or resolution. Only ACTIONS. You asked about her friends, she said NO. She opened her accounts and says she will be transparent. Let's see if she lives up to that. Reconciling is all about promising to fix it and then actually following through. You fix your stuff, too. Over time, you see if she is a faker or not.

Catching up and wow - so sorry to see you among us Griz. I generally avoid the 'Just Found Out' area of the forum because it is a fresh reminder of how painful it is to discover being betrayed by the person you trusted the most.

The double whammy of being demonized by your WS during and after the affair is something I experienced as well. My fWW's affair was years and years ago, but as she kept it secret, I got blamed for being the reason for everything that went wrong in her world.

Others here, so many good people with a lot of wisdom in this thread, and I agree, her actions - not her words - from this point on will help you decide what is best for you going forward.

The first 90-days of discovery are some of my worst days on the planet, but it does get a bit better over time. I'll never quite understand being valued so little for such a long time, but my fWW is proving genuine remorse each day by her actions.

If your wife is willing to do what you need to feel some level of safe and secure again, and figures out the real reasons she did what she did - not the b.s. rationalizations you got on Dday - then you can best decide your future.

Strength to you.

Tears don't equal remorse. What work is she doing on herself to become a safe partner for you? How transparent is she being?

She's absolutely painting herself as the victim. The "I'm trapped" text to her friend is proof of that. And she's getting all that support because she's telling people you're abusive. That text..And the "isolating" her from her toxic friends is proof of that.

You may not be ready to get a recorder. Are you ready to defend yourself against false DV charges? Because that's where this is headed. The VAR will protect you from that.

You keep saying you want to believe her, and that you just don't think she would do this..or that. The sad truth is..you don't know her as well as you thought you did. She has proven she is capable of great deception. Stop believing otherwise.

You're having sex. Has she been tested for stds yet? If not, why not?

Hello Grizz, sorry you find yourself here.

Your wife has some problems confusing her fantasy with everyone else's reality.

She has probably spent years bad mouthing you to friends and family, that is why you are seeing support for her from these people. You really need to make sure she has a sit down with her family and explain or tell the truth about what your marriage has been. After that you both need to stay away from anyone that is not a "friend of your marriage" you need people around you that support and encourage a better marriage rather than being an enemy of the marriage.

She needs to end any friendship with any friends that encouraged the affair or knew about it but did not disclose the affair or try to talk her out of it. It has to stay that way forever and she has to understand that these people are bad influences and want to stay away from them for herself and her marriage.

Do not let her confuse you about what is right and wrong, she will try to do that and when it happens come to this site to gain a dose of reality.

The truth about everything is required if there is going to be any hope of a reconciliation and she needs to learn to be honest in even the simplest things if you are ever going to be able to trust her again. The simplest lie on their part continues to prove the truth is just not in them.

Stand up for yourself and the things you need and insist on the changes you need.

As an example, my wife mentioned she might want to go hiking with a friend that encouraged the affair. I said ok, but was planning to leave her on the day she left for the hike to teach her a lesson. After a day or two I decided that wouldn't be fair so I just told her that any relationship at all with this woman was going to mean the end of ours. She cancelled the hike.

I take it a day at a time now, life is not great but it is ok. In the long run I think I will leave and find some peace but I want to give her every opportunity because I like or love so many things about her and us.

Infidelity is the gift that gives forever...

Good Luck, Stay Strong, these feelings of absolute pain, disbelief and sadness will get better and you will be much better...hopefully soon.

"Griz dove after leaving pediatrician and drove us to the park where my boyfriend and I used to hang out. I am trapped.”

So your WW still refers to her FB as her boyfriend. She didn't call him her AP or by name but "her boyfriend".

My man you might win a battle here and there but you're losing the war.

Sending you strength my man

[This message edited by notanotherchance at 5:48 PM, October 28th (Friday)]

Griz

Call me jaded, God knows I am . .

but I think she is still playing you, setting you up.

You can not make her love you like she should You should not have to talk her into "giving up the friends who are not good"

Watch your back my friend.

No, I don't think this is salvageable. Are you really that afraid of divorce ?

Don't show her weakness , she'll turn into a doormat if you do.

I am just really having a hard time believing that she could be that evil to set me up like that. I think that is too much for her. I don’t think her brain could work that way. TheDarkestTimes said “I Don’t know if your wife is smart enough for the preplanned DV strategy. Probably Not.” That made me laugh because I think he (or she) is right. Her you go girlfriends very possibly are smart and clever enough though.

Guys I am just not ready for a recorder now. I just can’t do that. I can’t live my life that way. Not in my home.

I'm sorry for what's about to happen to you man. It's going to really suck, and you're going to be completely helpless to defend yourself.

I was in a similar situation as yours, and chose to leave. When I was evaluating my decision, I could not bear to look into my then 5 yo son's eyes because I knew his life would be impacted whichever option I chose. The simple reason why I chose to leave is that I decided the dynamics of the marriage had completely changed, and my son was actually better off with us separate. I'll try to explain my viewpoint (and it's just that): there is a special bond between a husband and a wife, which is separate from any legal contract or social obligations. To me, that special bond meant that I would literally have taken a bullet for my wife before her A. It would not take me a split-second to shield her from a gunman, if and when that situation arose. After her A, something changed. That special bond, that special connection was no more, and I knew in my heart it would never be repaired. Of course, we could do the counseling, both the ICs and the MCs, renew vows, announce that we "reconciled", etc. but at the deepest level, I know things will never be the same. And that to me is an unacceptable compromise.

You are currently right in the middle of the maelstrom that all BH's (myself included) have been through. Trust me when I say that this will pass. I think you're thinking logically and avoiding crazy things like confronting the OM (futile), and mate-guarding your WW (also futile). Others have given valuable suggestions, I have but a couple more:

1> Read "Feeling Good:New Mood Therapy" by David Burns MD. It's a cognitive behavioral therapy book that enables one to recognize irrational thoughts and biases, and helps maintain balanced thinking in this crazy time.

2> Work out as much as you can, and avoid alcohol.

3> Pick atleast one old or new hobby (I took guitar lessons).

Hysterical bonding. That is what we have been doing. My God. Who knew that it had a name. Makes me feel so sad.

Did she really love him? Or was that part of the fantasy?

Yesterday she was acting as if nothing happened. Went to a cooking glass and talked about how good the food was.

I think you guys are right. She really doesn't give a shit about me.

Hysterical bonding. That is what we have been doing. My God. Who knew that it had a name. Makes me feel so sad.

Grizzly

Don’t get her pregnant.

ChamomileTea said what I did was reckless and controlling regarding the trip to their old fucking ground. I appreciate your story as well. And maybe you are right. But I considered it completely justified and feel no guilt about it. I wanted to see where she went with him and see her reaction to being there with me and our son. You see, she would go with him to places where our family would go for walks all the time. Why couldn’t I do the same? If that made her uncomfortable, too bad.

Grizzly

I love this

Griz

I do think she had a sense of entitlement. She would complain about how hard it was to spend all day with a 4 year old. Granted. Children can be needy. But she was spending 3-4 hours with her boyfriend and then the afternoon with my son until I got home. She hasn't done a lick of office work in 5 years. Her activities consisted of walking the dog, getting coffee, fucking her boyfriend, dropping and picking up our kid. She complained that she wanted to go to yoga but then wouldn't go. She complained that her friends were whiny. Sometimes she made dinner but she is a terrible cook so we ate out a lot. She had no worries about bills or me being unfaithful or abusive. Our boy is wonderful. We have a yellow fucking lab. Great dog. We live in a decent neighborhoodWhat is so bad about that life for a woman?

.

That sounds like a dam good life.

She is a cake eater. Had it pretty darn good.

Now you ruined it by catching her.

Listen . . .

She did not appreciate YOU.

No doubt her and her . . um boyfriend . . badmouthed you and his BS, it in the cheater handbook.

You need time to heal a little, to think.

Please consider doing the 180. It is for your benefit.

It is in the Healing Lib, FAQ #11

Be warned, you will be feeling anger growing, use it constructively.

And don't give her any opportunity to charge you with bad behavior.

Get a VAR in her car.

Sit back and watch. You are worth so much more (a so is your son) than her behavior toward you.

Oh, a from a Mom who worked full time, and raised three kids. One toddler is not that much, especially since she don't work.

And she should be cooking for the family. OMG, entitled much

[This message edited by shiloe at 8:59 AM, October 29th (Saturday)]

Very difficult if not impossible for any BS to hear what others are trying to tell you while having sex with your WS. That may sound counter to everything you want to hear and you are not unusual in doing exactly as you are doing. Every BS you see here never wanted what everyone was telling them to be right, because it is painful, it is shocking and you are just in the beginning of this whole nightmare roller coaster so when hit with something like this a BS can only take in so much at one time emotionally. So take it in baby steps but what you are doing we have seen here over and over, so only you can be the answer in your own life and your own terms.

A WS who cries when we want to have the "talk"? Yep, check. Crocodile tears are normal, but beyond the crying and the sex....what has she done to give you full transparency?

A WS who accuses their BS of "isolating them from their so called friends? Yep, check. Typical wayward answer, meaning they are not going to give up those friends and you are just a mean ole person for even suggesting it.

But letting her convince you that the police came and it was all her good friends fault?? Phew...here is where you need to get with the program very quickly. Again none of us thought our WS was capable of doing what they did, it shocked us to our core just like you are shocked now. None of us thought we needed a VAR or to worry about DV charges, but it all seems to follow another pattern. You are shocked she was in an affair, but what you have not even realized yet is how she had to get to a place in her head where to do this affair she had to perceive you as the "bad guy" who has somehow done her wrong, she has told other friends about the A and has re written your marriage (all unbeknown to you) and she now has to back all of this up otherwise all of her imaginary life that she felt she was living will blow up in smoke, she will be proven a liar to not only you but everyone she knows....so a WS will in a weird dysfunctional way try to hold onto those stories, or even believe them at this point. They have lived this double life lie for so long that they just don't snap out of it.

So you are only at the beginning of this trip down the rabbit hole of what all this entails. How deep this goes. And I get it that you can only take in so much at one time. It becomes just too much.

But please be careful. Stop telling her what you will be doing, do not "confide in her" don't let her know you are seeing an attorney, don't let her know anything about what you are doing. She has been lying to you for months if not longer, don't ever assume that just because you now know that this lying has stopped.

Calling the police is a cold calculated move. For any WS.

Listen to the people here and if they end up being wrong it will only be a few dollars you spend to protect yourself and you can chalk it up to being safe then sorry. If it were me I would put a VAR in her car or around where you think she talks when you are not around and I would carry one around with me as well whenever you think she will want to "talk".

So sorry you are going thru this, it takes it up a whole other level when they call the cops on you.

[This message edited by realitybites at 9:05 AM, October 29th (Saturday)]