SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I know she has ended it with him. I saw some texts with her sister who knew (but didn't know she was still seeing him). I don't think she would lie to her.

My WS lied to his mother about ending his affair. Tried to act like his AP contacted him one time, I just happened to catch that one time, and I was the one overreacting because I made up my mind to never trust him again . He didn't realize I had checked the phone bill for that month and saw that they were still calling/texting all the time Monday-Friday 8am-5pm.

I think I just need to let her get out of the fog.

There is no fog.

She wants to bang another man, she got caught, she continued to see him and now has to be "forced" to stop communicating with her boyfriend.

If she could leave the house yesterday she probably would but that would be a huge step which she's probably not ready for.

How about I start stealing from you, you've got a lot of money and you give me until march to stop stealing from you or you'll call the cops. Theoretically doesn't that mean I have until march to stop stealing from you?

Logically if you're caught doing something, then are caught again but nothing happens, what is the incentive to stop? She's telling you she's confused or doesn't know what she wants because you're not serious.

You'll find the "fog" ends when you start getting serious. She doesn't know what she wants means there is a choice, if you're an option then cool.

If not, then be serious.

I think I just need to let her get out of the fog. Hopefully ending it with him will help, if not I know what I need to do.

So you're going to allow for her to take her sweet time to "get out of the fog" for a couple of more weeks while she's "confused" (aka thinking about OM), you didn't sign for this when you married her, in a M there's no time allowed for being "confused" about wanting to have sex or a relationship outside of it with someone else.

How about instead of just letting her out of the "fog", you push her out of it by filing for D and having her served without warning ? Don't be her plan B, you need to be her plan A if there's a chance to R successfully, otherwise the A will most likely resume (if it ever ended) or she will probably just find another AP eventually. If after being served with D papers she's still "confused" then just let D run its course and get out of infidelity, typically you don't marry someone if they're "confused" about wanting to be with you or someone else, therefore it shouldn't be much different after the fact, show her you mean business and that you're not her doormat.

OP,

Sorry you are dealing with this.....it sucks.

I have not seen you mention anything about the OM.

Is he a co-worker?

Is he M or has a gf?

If you want the A to end immediately, you must tell his BW/gf if he has one......it is the most effective way to kill the A for good.

OM will be too busy scrambling to save his own ass to try to continue the A with your WW.....and will most likely throw your WW under the bus to his BW trying to do so.

Seeing that might help with your WW’s crappy attitude as well.....

Seeing her ‘soulmate’ blame her to his BW for the whole A, and claimhe didn’t love her or want her might sober her up about him.....that he was just using her for sex.

Also, expose the A to both your families and mutual friends.....and that she wants to continue the A, so you will be filing for D.

A’s thrive in secrecy......expose it to the light of day.

A’s thrive in secrecy

Oh so true. Once exposed, the A loses it's luster and just isn't fun anymore.

Now it has become reality and no longer exists in Unicorn land. It's all fun and fucks until it isn't.

A’s thrive in secrecy

Oh so true. Once exposed, the A loses it's luster and just isn't fun anymore.

Now it has become reality and no longer exists in Unicorn land. It's all fun and fucks until it isn't.

She voluntarily told her parents this weekend. And also came clean to friend.

I think she is starting to own some of this. Still a long way to go though.

ItEndsLikeThis

That is a positive first step for your wife. She has admitted it.

I just want to caution you that sometimes the cheater minimizes the Affair. For their own guilt or saving face type of reasons.

My H was kicking me to the curb. Literally about 10 days after DDay he’s planning a Divorce which he announces out of the blue. No warning - we have kids, house and 25 years together.

When he admitted it to his family - he conveniently left out the D part and minimized the whole Affair as “oh yeah I cheated but it’s over now. Didn’t really mean anything. My bad”.

Well when I told his sister - she knew very little of the details. But she knows the full story now. From me.

So just be aware of the “story” that is told. It may not be even close to the truth and may contain all of the “reasons” for the Affair which may include all the reasons you (as her husband) caused the Affair.

I hope this is not the case but too often, people who have not been victimized by an Affair will allow the cheating spouse to blame the Betrayed spouse and get away with it.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 5:33 AM, January 29th (Tuesday)]