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self-rescuer ( member #35059) posted at 12:24 AM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2019
But I do want to give this time and as long as there's progress I can wait it out.
As so many others, let me begin by saying gently...
You do need to give this time but your terms need to change. Your urgency to reconcile resonates in every post. I get it. Your's is still a fresh discovery. And I was there - I was every bit as frantic to reconcile and save my marriage and protect my kids from the impact of divorce.
Until more time had passed and I came to a different personal conclusion. The conclusion that reconciliation was not for me.
My suggestion is to pace yourself. Not just wait it out until she gets out of the "fog" and comes back to her senses. You need to really process what has happened - both the affair and her residual feelings for the AP - and then really determine what you want. This shit takes months/years to sort through.
So rather than clinging to every nuanced sign that she has turned a corner (because who really knows what is in her head) focus on what is truly acceptable to you.
You are deserving of being the only man in your partner's heart. You are worthy of great and faithful love.
How are you tending to the the emerging story of your life?
~ Carol Hegedus
Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 1:23 PM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2019
hdy
How’s it going?
You need to keep following your path of detachment while she figures out her own issues. Until she’s completed that and figured out if she can be that person you need to have as your partner, don’t let her back into the relationship as just a partial lover.
It will take time for her to do that work. Don’t just wait around to see if she can do it. Live your life. And if at some point she comes back as a whole person who wants you, only you, and has no more feelings for the POS that was the AP, then you can talk.
So to that effect, I’d wish her well and tell her to call u when she’s figured out who she is and what she wants, and depending where you are in your life you’ll let her know if you are willing to try and build something new again with her.
Take care.
fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.
Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 2:43 PM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2019
Hi. I thought I’d check in again HDY.
Hoping IC work is being fruitful for both you and your WW.
Let us know if we can help in any way.
fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.
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