SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

We are not R.....we did try for 10years....for me, I was no longer attracted to WH...I find him attractive...appealing...he used to be a wonderful lover....then......I felt zero....I then felt repulsed...

I know he sensed it...it became very short and quick, which made everything worse...boring...a chore. He was no longer interested in me..

.he was serial cheater...the more he cheated, and the more I tried to prove it, the worse things became.

..the disrespect was too much...I have to feel good about the person I am with.

I do think there is a hormone/age component....my drs discussed this with me...and verified these issues..there are treatments for this.. I couldn't tell when this happened....I was already in a bad relationship....

I still find my XWH very attractive....I miss my fantasy of what we were...Do I want sex with him?...never....... in the act of sex, he now repulses me...

the end result for me, was how I was treated as a wife...the relationship itself...or theres nothing to work with. sex or otherwise.

Moving forward....I don't know what to expect...I haven't dated....don't know how I will feel...Im pretty negative. Not ready to date.

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 8:10 AM, August 5th (Monday)]

Wow, cooley, an apparent over-generalization that casts light on a subject and increases understanding! Thanks.

Sisoon, it is impossible to pigeon hole people. We forget we are ruled by the many issues in our lives. DNA, FOO, peer groups, marriage partner and those pesky hormones. I couldn’t help but generalize. Stay on here long enough and you find men who want sex every day to ones who can barely work up any interest. Same with women only I think it is probably reversed. To me sex is about bonding. I have never even contemplated cheating. My husband did. It was years ago. I have never asked him why because I know why. He wanted to. I have always enjoyed sex with him so that was no excuse. He just did it. You men, and your hormones! Rein them in!

As Sarah Silverman so brilliantly put it in the movie Take This Waltz: “Life has gaps in it. It just does. You don’t run around trying to fill them like a crazy person.” Brilliant writing by somebody who obviously had experience with infidelity.

When my H has stress, he wants more sex. When I have stress, I want more sleep.

Amen to that!

OIN, something that was discussed when we were having trouble conceiving was adrenal fatigue due to stress. I went into overdrive researching of course, and came across some discussions re: what's called "pregnenolone steal."

There are a few articles that point out that it's more complicated than often presented, and some even go so far as to call it a "myth." But then I've found an equal if not larger number of doctors who view it as a real problem worth addressing, so as always, do your own research and take it or leave it

This particular passage stood out to me:

Our bodies make most of our adrenal hormones and some of our “reproductive hormones” like estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone from the same precursor horomone – pregnenolone.

Ordinarily, pregnenolone is transformed into a multitude of various hormones, in optimal ratios, every minute of every day. But the minute our body perceives it is under stress, it prioritizes cortisol production, at the expense of the other hormones.

This prioritization is elegantly designed. Progesterone, estrogen and testosterone are all hormones designed for the long-term reproductive survival of the species. Cortisol is about rescuing You, Now.

If your body receives a hormonal message that the external environment is threatening, or you’re in a famine and therefore in a fasted, hypoglycemic state, it’s probably not the best environment to bring a new baby into, right?

So, your body focuses its energy and resources on saving you, and diverts its “attention” away from making hormones that are specific to reproduction and other “non-essential” activities. This allows for the production of a huge amount of cortisol, but inhibits the production of virtually every other hormone. When the stress resolves, our brain stops sending the signal to increase cortisol production, and hormone levels return to normal…in theory.

Obviously everyone's drive is different. But as someone who considered herself to be incredibly high drive, and then had a distinct plummeting of said drive, a lot of the talk re: stress and sex drive made sense to me.

Also proof positive that our devices are listening to us, I'm now getting ads for medications to treat Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder

T/J

Also proof positive that our devices are listening to us, I'm now getting ads for medications to treat Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder

That happens to me all the time. Creepy!

Now, back to your regularly scheduled discussion.

HeHad, thank you for explaining further. People don’t understand what chronic stress does to the body. Rush in the morning, traffic problems, deadlines at work, child care etc etc etc. and we feel so guilty because we live a reasonably affluent life. Stress is stress. And it takes a toll. When I read here about couples still dealing with the aftermath of an affair years later I worry about the bs. I think many times the bs is encouraged to forgive which just adds more stress. I think that word should never be used in affair recovery. Learning to compartmentalize is how I think “recovery” can work. Once the decision to R or D is made I hope the bs can store away some of the anguish to heal. It’s still there, it is just stored until the bs has the time and stamina to deal with it.

I consider cheating a form of assault and the human body has to deal with what amounts to emotional stab wounds.