SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Look at almost every single case of infidelity on this website. Is there ever the whole truth almost immediately after the initial confrontation? It never happens. They never tell the whole truth right away... and then with a lot of tooth pulling, they might admit to some PA.

They ALWAYS TT- I don't think it's even possible for WS's to go full disclosure right away. They'll give you a little information to mollify you and even go into graphic detail about SOME sex. They never give you details about all the sex.

If you choose to believe her now, you will lose some of the power because she now knows the limit of what you know. If she lied and got away with it (stating that it was only 1 PA 8 years ago), then she knows what she can hide.

You have to pretend to know more or else you'll never get the whole truth.

I don't believe for a second that she only had 1 PA. That never happens. Imagine back to your youth when you were having sex with someone new. All the hormones, sexual energy, excitement, etc. Did you only do it once? No way. You couldn't get enough of the person.

Please don't believe things your WS says because you WANT to believe it. She has already been caught lying AFTER you disclosed your knowledge (when she lied about what she said to OM and you caught it on the VAR)

We BS's want to believe and so we choose to believe the least hurtful thing. That it was only a small, one time thing in your case. You said your wife was a smart woman. So was my Wayward. They are going to

I hope you take everything she says with a grain of salt

guilyone is spot on with this!

Hey Chopping... I've been keeping up with your story but I don't think I've posted anything yet. You've been led down a very good path and you've dealt with everything so much better than I could have. Your courage to continue to dig and investigate while your WW was carrying on under your nose is the sign of true mettle.

I really need to jump in here briefly to reiterate what you are being told. You very likely DO NOT have all of the truth yet. Not even close if I had to bet... take a look at my profile if you want to know how bad it can get with TT. Listen to the people here... schedule the polygraph.

Alexa

Just to repeat something I posted to you a little while ago - at this point, so soon after DDay, you can tell your wife is lying to you by the simple fact that her mouth is moving.

It's that basic, it's that true.

She will only divulge as little as possible to satisfy you, and will minimize EVERYTHING.

She is in major league "cover her own ass" mode.

Do not let yourself be fooled that you know everything, or anywhere near it. You are looking at the tip of the iceberg right now.

It's so common it would be comical if it weren't so heartbreaking and destructive. All WS's react and behave the same exact way when first confronted. She is no different in that respect.

Sorry if I am sounding harsh - I don't mean to. It's just that I let myself get bullshitted once, and I don't want to see anyone else to go through it. Push through right now for all the truth by whatever means you have to.

Amen emptyheart

((CO))

I am so sorry. The punches to the gut just get harder and harder to take. We all feel for you. Really, we do. And we are on your side.

Look, I know you love her. And I know you WANT to believe her. I know sir. We have all been there.

But listen to the others. ESPECIALLY Alexa. I think it was his wife that said "just kissing," then "just once" and then turns out she had OMs baby and it was like 200 encounters that lasted all the way up to when the child was two years old.

I am not saying that is your wife. But I am saying that if she did it once eight years ago, it has been MANY times over at least that long.

You may not want to know the truth. That is your choice. But I can tell you, addicts do not stop at one hit on the crack pipe. I've treated enough of them to know.

She is employ an age old military strategy of limited engagement to probe your defenses. It is not the full truth.

I know you know this. But I do not know if you can accept this.

Sending you strength. You are going to need it by the truckload.

OK, I guess I didn't word my last post too well.

I haven't changed my approach at all yet. My point was mainly that there's been something of a turning point in that she's freely admitting things without me trying to pull it out of her. While it's possible that she's telling me the full truth, I am NOT letting up. All the prior surveillance is still in place. Another call to OM#2's wife is going to happen this morning with updated information (PA). She is still going to have a polygraph (although I haven't mentioned it in two days to keep her off guard). The STD testing is no longer negotiable.

I told her last night after the PA revelation that I would still have a lot more questions. She has a book on infidelity to read that should arrive today in the mail. She has been assigned to find MC for us and IC for herself. She has another NC letter to write (this time with my review before sending). I have a package of emails to send to OM#1's BS. I likely am going to give OM#2 a piece of my mind (have his cell and work numbers). Still need to grill her on OM#3 and #4 in more detail. Still have to revisit the recent Europe trip and the nighty and suspicious underwear (OM#3 happens to live in one of the cities she visited).

Don't worry people. I'm just getting started. The whole confrontation process is severely disjointed due to having company in the house. I will try to trust, but am definitely going to verify.

Keep up the good work, CO -- you're becoming one of the SI heroes -- and will be cited as an example of how to do things right for a long time to come.

Chopping...just sending you love and support today.

I have followed your thread and have been a vocal supporter of your watch-and-wait approach. I admire your patience and self-control.

Regarding this latest confession from your wife, I agree with the crowd that this is likely the tip of the "truth iceberg." My instincts and experience tell me that there is more...so much more...painful information coming your way. There are many sleepless nights in your future. And it makes my heart ache just remembering this desperate time in the discovery process.

Warmest thoughts of support to you. This is such a painful journey.

You're doing all the right things, CO. That being said, I am 100% positive there is more dirt to be unearthed.

I've been following this thread...so sorry...very sad. I'm just wondering why you don't just polygraph her? You know plenty to use the pertinent ?'s...

this just seems so drawn out & painful for you...

Trickle truth. What guiltyone said.

Hi Chopping,

I've been reading your posts since the beginning but seldom write anymore but wanted to support what everyone's been saying. This may just be the tip of the iceberg.

That's what happened in my case. My FWH finally admitted some very horrific information (2 PA's instead of "just" meeting and EA's). I felt relief that I was getting the truth finally and he swore on the Bible, his father's grave, our children, you name it that this was it. I knew everything.

It took 4 more months and 2 major D-days before I learned ALL the truth. Keep in mind, he really was working on himself and our marriage the whole time and I was seeing many positive changes; he was still withholding some pretty damaging information "to protect me and not hurt me any more than I was already hurt".

He has since redeemed himself and his biggest words of advice to anyone cheating. First DON"T and second, admit to everything right away because anything withheld only demolishes any shred of trust that is rebuilt, and can affect reconciliation for years.

Sorry you find yourself here. I have been following your posts, and let me say, I wish, I had the strength, you are finding. If I did, I don't think, I would of been TT for two years. You are the SI hero, made of steel. Good Luck, stay strong.

Sorry to say, but you're not getting the whole truth. The reason it seems she is being more forthcoming with information is because she knows that you're not playing. That is she gives you a sliver of the story you might think that, that's all there is and won't go through with the Poly. I mean, come on she told you that an STD check wasn't necessary because she was never physical with anyone. Now, you've found out she has.

Keep snooping and watching. She may talk to some people to get there stories straight.

[This message edited by crossbar at 11:28 AM, June 3rd (Friday)]

We interlopers can be so boring can't we.

Thanks for setting us straight on your resolve.

CO,

I agree with everyone else. There is more, much more. Maybe it's time to start a new thread ....May I suggest the title I know some of her secrets and I'll be OK.

You rock!!!

Maybe she's telling the truth (and I hope so). But it does look like damage control. She told you something you could perhaps find out through OM's BW.

But hopefully that's it. The polygraph will help you figure this out.

Controlled release of what she considers minimally damaging information.

"Her game?" Lovely. Just like the gal in the radio interview. The rush of endogenous dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, et. al. that women get from illicit sex can apparently become quite addictive. Add in all the different blends of exogenous mood elevating chemicals absorbed by her body vaginally and sublinguinally from strange man semen and you get a natural rush that so many women can't seem to quit, even if they want to.

Your wife says she smoked it once eight years ago and never used again. But she admits she is friends with a lot of dealers who give out unlimited free samples to their friends.

And that's why they invented the polygraph.

Onions, you rock.

Like many others have said... stay strong and stick to your word.

It's not easy but I think my WH realized I meant what I said when I moved out and didn't give in until he did what I said. I highly recommend moving her out of the bedroom once your dad is gone.

Yeah, still truth trickle. She's thinking what's the bare minimum to get him to quit asking questions.

Of course this means she isn't remorseful yet.