SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

you gave them your blessing ? Were they that stupid or dense to believe that bullshit.

Look DG, you are still in limbo limbo land. Do you have a gameplan ? You are displaced from your house and allowing things to linger. What do you want to do ?

What ever happened to OM and OMW ?

Have you started divorce proceedings yet .Time for you to divorce her and try to move on with your life . Dont waste anymore time on her .

Undoubtedly it was because after D-Day the fact that POSOM is in reality a spineless pussy who scurried like a cockroach for the nearest hiding place became an obvious fact.....and the volcanic rage, uncompromising demands, and harsh consequences dished out to her by DoneGone showed his WW who the real 'alpha' was.

It's almost Shakespearean level tragedy, the man that she mocked and hated on all that time to another guy, was actually the alpha that she was looking for, and her lover was the beta.

The sad part is that I bet she still doesn't truly blame herself. Poor old cheating wife is assuredly a victim of something in her twisted mind.

I agree with Dyokemm, Eric1 and Keptgoing

I have a feeling you are done with the marriage but you are apprehensive about taking the first step in ending it.

I think you know and read too much of what your WW and the OM said about you that i don't think this marriage is recoverable. I think thats the reason your WW did not want you to read the stuff either because she knew you would be done with the marriage.

I struggle to understand what your WW's endgame was or is. She knew you would eventually uncover the truth, yet she kept on spinning her web of deceit. Worse yet, she made you jump through hoops to get the truth (biased, unethical "marriage counseling"). She sat there while the so called counselor attacked you. Worst of all (IMHO), she recruited your children in her effort to mollify you. Who does that? Especially when they know what the ugly truth is. Did she just expect you to accept her version of the truth, sweep everything under the rug and move on?

IMO she was protecting OM over her H and over her kids. gaining time to OM save face to his BW

I completely understand everything you have said and written. The same thing happened to me only it was my husband of 26 years and we have been together for 31 years who cheated on me. I feel every word you have written. I decided to stay with him and work it out. How do you instantly fall out of love with someone you have loved since you were 15 years old, even though they he has done something so hurtful. It has been 8 months now, everyone has seemed to move on except me. I now feel so much guilt for staying with him. He shows me more love now than he use to, but its not enough and when we are out, he still looks at other women, which triggers me to go back to his affair and cause me to get angry all over again. I am now deciding if I want to leave, I don't know how to get past the hurt and trust. My heart has never felt so broken and my mind will not let go.

She went on to say that as long as she was on the bottom of the list of people I wanted to talk that she would never have a chance to repair the damage.

DG

she had a lot of chances to fix things, to stop the affair and come clean....now it is a little too late.

it also shows that she thinks that the problem to fix was not her affair but that she got caugth. she is not into fixing her self but to get what wasnt enough, your marriage and you.

the mosth I read the most i think she wasnt into your marriage as you were, even now i believe shejust doesnt get it because she never was into you as a wife should.

if she ever tells you that you need totalk to her let her know that she had so many chances but prefered to reach OM, a real man. ask her why she would ever talk to you instead of such an alfa man as OM, a real stud....

you should really stop talking to her

They laughed back and forth about how I could be so dense as to walk in and catch them and yet be so clueless. They were even playing footsies while I was sitting there holding WW’s hand. And the real gut burner is that, according to WW, I was the deciding factor in her deciding to sleep with OM the first time.

She argues with me over this but it seems pretty plain to me. Later that same evening she emailed OM saying, “After he (WH) left, I knew I wanted us to happen.” She connected deciding to sleep with OM with me having been there.

Just disgusting. Such a huge blow of disrespect and honestly it completely shows of her character.

So sad and honestly ugly that a person would consider a sleaze that would act that way with a woman in front of her husband and consider that to be a man. An alpha no less! Sorry to dump on your wife, but just beyond broken to consider trusting and faithful as being "betta" or "dense".

I am so sorry you have to deal with something so disrespectful and so shallow. They were both nothing more than teenage children and didn't know a real man when they saw it. You didn't misunderstand anything and she knows it.

Please do not let that incident make you think you were dense. You were just being a true husband and man. You were trusting a wife. Unfortunately your wife was being a jezebel. She is not a real woman.

It is possible to come back from it, but hard. My husband told the AP2 to go ahead and punch me in the face for giving him a hard time 2 weeks after Dday. I saw a text where he and she were having a bad day at work and wanted to punch customers. Then he said it was even harder because I was over reacting to the affair and she asked he wanted her to punch me in the face that she would as long as he wouldn't call the cops on her. STILL bothers me to this day the level of disrespect. I am sure the AP2 just ate that up. Well, at least until I made him write a letter to her putting her in her place and mailing it to her.

But, if she is continuing to play you. Narcissistic is the least of her issues. Dump her hard and go find a real woman. The best way to move on and heal would be to show her what she lost. To find a woman that is "was the woman you mourn" but better, not a narcissist or whatever else she is to do what she has continued to do since that hook-up. Looking back, do you now see any other narcissistic or needy tendencies before the A started? Did she always act like a drama queen or need her way or have to be the center of attention?

[This message edited by hopefulmother at 1:22 PM, August 4th (Tuesday)]

DG,

Been following your thread from the beginning.

I'm really, really sorry for and your girls.

I really wish I had some dazzling, awesome words of wisdom, words to ease the pain, or words to provide clarity or direction but I don't.

I would like to tell you that I know for certain what I would do if I were in your shoes but that would be a lie because I can't really say for sure. I can tell you that I would be leaning very heavily towards the Big D (and I don't mean Dallas) for three reasons:

1. the utter lack of respect and the BS justification of seeing the OM as the alpha-male when you met them at the restaurant. That you were so dense as to not see what was going on and to let it happen under your nose and then to laugh and make fun of you is complete crap. This woman swore to have your back, to be your wife, your friend, your lover, and your companion and to treat you like utter garbage just to get her rocks off and to use it as justification to make it "OK" is STRIKE ONE in my book.

2. Involving your girls. That is STRIKE TWO. That was completely bush league and two CYA move that she had to know at some level that it was going to backfire. She was counting on having the girls completely turn your head and rugsweeping this mess away. Great job for not falling for this ploy and sticking to your gun!

3. Her unwillingness NOW to come clean and to her own her shit. To recognize the DAMAGE she's done to DG AND HER GIRLS. To recognize that she's destroyed everything. Her failure to be willing to do anything to make you whole. I would have been impressed if after she handed you the phone, she handed you divorce papers for a completely UNCONTESTED divorce in your state and walked away completely empty handed. As my dad once told me, actions mean more than words.

Those three things above are the reasons why I would tell her that WE.ARE.DONE. TODAY.TOMORROW.AND.FOREVER. The woman that I married is dead and what sits in front of me is a shell, a figment, a ghost, a mirage of the woman that I knew. Quite frankly, I'm not interested in wanting to know this new person you've become and I wish you would leave.

I'm not you but these are my thoughts.

I wish I could do more to help!

[This message edited by FrmrBH80124 at 3:52 PM, August 4th (Tuesday)]

DG,

You returned and think people following your thread wanted to know what became of you because you so well articulate the conflicted feelings that betrayed spouses experience.

If only it could be undone, but alas like a catastrophic knee injury recovery requires reconstruction and rehabilitation. Since your wife is a separate entity at least physically, you can end the relationship.

It doesn't sound at all likely that you will reconcile. There is no reason to do so. Sentimentality alone is poor motivation for rejoining her.

You can just as well find new companionship.

As to your WW, you know her best. Is she some how a basically good person despite her failings?

At the end of the day, a woman her age is cheating in search of a different set of genes to vary her offspring, even if she does not consciously consider the well spring of her desire for sex with another man. He was another and that was the important thing.

Once she abandoned monogamy, her power to attract you diminished. From an evolutionary point of view, you have little reason to support her.

Have you begun to date?

Dyokemm Undoubtedly it was because after D-Day the fact that POSOM is in reality a spineless pussy who scurried like a cockroach for the nearest hiding place became an obvious fact.

Thank-you. I could not have said it better and I have tried.

Have you informed OM's BW of the entire truth now that it is out?

Yes. I contacted OMW after the bungled motel meet and told her what I knew, which wasn’t much. They had been texting about 6 months, sent some sexually explicit photos, aborted meet up at motel; that’s all I knew. She told me that she had not suspected him of anything and then went on to say that in a 1000 years, she would never have imagined it would be my wife he was involved with. I let her know I would be glad to contact her when I found out more. We left it at that.

A few weeks later OMW called and wanted to know if she could come by my office to compare notes. We decided to meet for lunch. WW is a very good looking woman but has nothing on OM’s wife and I told her so in a joking way. She remarked that after meeting me, she had to wonder how her husband was able to get my wife. I responded, “After meeting you, I have to wonder how he was able to get you.”

We had a very informative conversation. She said that OM had always been jealous of me and accused me of marrying WW and then not allowing her to come back to the neighborhood, like they were not good enough for her anymore. I had never thought any thoughts about OM one way or the other. I knew of him but we had never met.

Truth be known, rather than being antagonistic toward him, when I first ran into them in the restaurant, I was actually glad for my WW. Glad that she had opportunity to reconnect with someone from childhood. I did not know that it was a rendezvous. I thought she had just ‘bumped’ into him and they were talking about old times.

OMW and myself had a nice lunch and decided to do it again sometime. Nothing romantic, just moral support for each other. We met several days later at which time she informed me that she had gotten into OM’s phone, discovered text messages between him and WW and given him the boot and wanted to show me text messages between OM and WW. Turns out the texts were not to my wife (or so we thought). They were to a different number. At this time I did not know my wife had another phone.

OMW was stunned. She explained that she had been nothing more than a meal ticket for him. They had been having problems because he had not held a job in over twelve years. She explained her journey from being a co-provider to sole provider because his job was cutting too much into his video gaming time. He did not have time for work or “anything else.”

OM was livid when he discovered that I had been talking to his wife. He came to my house when I was still living with WW and warned me of the dire consequences should I ever be so stupid as to even look at his wife again. He said that he and I would have a real problem. I told OM that I guess we had a problem then because I had a dinner date scheduled with his wife that very evening; and I did. It wasn't quite the way I made it sound but seemed to be the right thing to say at the time. I was meeting her for dinner but it was not a date, date. Nor was it a for dinner, dinner. I’ll explain more about that later.

Anyway, he was wild eye’d and crazy. He took a swing at me and in the process of defending myself he ended up getting beat up pretty bad. I hit him so hard that even I was seeing stars. The stupid idiot then says to WW, “Call my wife and tell her I’m knocked out.” My WW ignores him and says to me, “You have a date with OMW tonight?” It was a beautiful thing.

OM called the police. When the police got there, OM’s behavior was so bad, the police ended up arresting him. Of course he resisted arrest so got another charge of resisting arrest and battery on a police officer. Sweet. The police thanked me for my cooperation and I told them I was glad to help; and I was. Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. Poetry in motion.

[This message edited by DoneGone at 7:44 AM, August 5th (Wednesday)]

amazing. When did this happen ?

Fucked up that she can have her affair but the second she thinks you may be starting your own, the world stops.

Your WW is a cake eater. Her level of betrayal is nasty. OM is a POS. The damage that their infidelities caused. Wow.

Good job DG and good job staying away from the revenge affair and getting support at the same time from OMW who you both will need to share information if both sides are getting divorced.

Thanks for the update! Both of them are simply disgusting and horrible beyond words. I'm glad you got to punch him!

Have you told OMW about the new info you've uncovered? Have you recommended her this site or any other site that deals with infidelity? I hope she's doing well.

Best wishes

P.S.: Thanks for making my day, reading this gave me a justice boner

Western amazing. When did this happen ?

All of this happened the first couple of weeks after I discovered WW trying to meet OM at motel.

HobbesTheTiger Have you told OMW about the new info you've uncovered?

First thing I did. Funny thing. In his text and emails, OM continuously was telling WW that she was going to love his "Joystick", and that her eyes were going to literally pop out at the sight of his "Joystick."

OMW got a good laugh and said she could hardly remember anything about a joystick unless he was referring to his X-box controller.

[This message edited by DoneGone at 1:00 PM, August 5th (Wednesday)]

Hahahahaha Thanks!

To be honest, the more you talk about OMW, the more I hope that a couple of years from now, after the divorce and after both of you will have healed, you two end up together at least for a while! But that's just my justice porn imagination running wild, in reality I imagine it would be a trigger and you're better of with a completely new person.

HobbesTheTiger P.S.: Thanks for making my day, reading this gave me a justice boner

You're welcome. I never thought a day would come that any of this could be funny.

DG!! This sad thread just got GREAT!

Wow! What you just lived out, I can have only dreamed about. You're going to have hero status around here! (bowing your direction!)