SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Find out who her surgeon is and pay him off to botch her t&A upgrade ... yeah, that's not realistic but makes for a fun revenge fantasy.

Can her enhancements be considered marital assets and reduce your alimony? I’m just saying they should be listed as part of her marital assets as she used your $ to pay for it.

And her actions scream “ME! ME! ME!” Because I’d run out and get plastic surgery if I was getting a D due to MY infidelity.

Maybe she should invest in something g more helpful like a counselor to help her.

Sounds like you are taking good decisive actions. I know people do not agree with staying for children but I disagree. Sacrificing to give your children a stable home is the only reason to stay. I would add a few more terms to the deal you gave her. One make the little princess get a job asap. She has way too much time on her hands and this may protect you as far as alimony goes, go a step further, force her to get a skill. Next, require her a moral ads to go to not her regular church but a spirit filled one that will make her lust demons uneasy. Force it as a stipulation. Who knows she might learn value for love, morality, and family.

The1stWife

And her actions scream “ME! ME! ME!” Because I’d run out and get plastic surgery if I was getting a D due to MY infidelity.

Maybe she should invest in something g more helpful like a counselor to help her.

Yes, you would think she would want to go and get counseling, but for what? She's a liar. And she's selfish. How do you break someone from being a manipulative, selfish liar?

When she hits rock-bottom and blows up, it’s going to be spectacular!

Westway. Unfortunately you cannot do anything to help someone who isn’t aware of their own problems. How sad.

She’s certainly very immature and self centered. Doubtful that will ever change. Was she always like this or is this something new?

When she hits rock-bottom and blows up, it’s going to be spectacular!

I'm not sure she will ever hit rock bottom. I think in her mind what she does on her own time is no one's business but hers now that she is essentially single.

What I expect will happen is that she will hook another well-meaning white schmo like me. She'll dazzle him and get him to marry her, and then after the honeymoon is over, she'll be back to throwing them up for the brothers on her off-hours.

The only person I see not forgiving her anytime soon is our older daughter. Our oldest has always been a daddy's girl, while the younger always favored mom.

Westway. Unfortunately you cannot do anything to help someone who isn’t aware of their own problems. How sad.

She’s certainly very immature and self centered. Doubtful that will ever change. Was she always like this or is this something new?

She was always vain, in the way that pretty Italian-American women tend to be. But see I sort of liked that because I liked having a woman who fussed over her makeup and always dressed to the nines. I enjoyed buying her nice things and having her on my arm when we went places. I liked showing her off. I was proud of having such a good looking woman as my wife.

I guess that I what blinded me to the lying, deceitful side of her personality.

I don’t believe in karma. It sounds Like she’s happy in her new life and moved on pretty quick. Her actions show no one means much to her so I wouldn’t waste my time wanting to see something that may never happen.

The good thing is you won’t have To go through a period where they pull the constant barrage of trying to contact or the “lets be friends thing” that many of them do.

Westway,

What I expect will happen is that she will hook another well-meaning white schmo like me.

Hire the same PI get the goods on her and set her new H straight. Instant divorce.

Hire the same PI get the goods on her and set her new H straight. Instant divorce.

Why would Westway want to do that? It's not his circus, not his monkey any more. That was the whole point of getting divorced. He sure as hell shouldn't go out of his way to insert himself in her business any more. The opposite of love is indifference. I think people get all dug in with the notice of KARMA. "She was an evil bitch, I will rejoice in her downfall".. yeah, but real life ain't like that. The bad guy sometimes wins in these melodramas, and cheating partners go off and live their lives without you, absolutely sure they were in the right to do so the entire time.

It took me years to arrive at a point where I honestly could give a shit about what my wife does with herself. She's happy, she's sad, she's mad at me? I don't care. THAT's what you aim for.

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 2:22 PM, February 6th (Thursday)]

I'm not interested in revenge. I still have birthdays, graduations and weddings that I will have to get through with this woman. She and I will always be tied together through our daughters. What good would it do me to make her my enemy? So far she has not talked trash about me or blamed me for her affairs, at least not to her family anyway. If I get word that she is trashing I will get nasty, but I don't want that.

What I want is for her to see me move on and be happy, and maybe marry a younger and hotter woman. I want her to look at her reflection every morning for the rest of her life and be filled with deep regret for hurting and throwing away a good man and sullying her relationships with her daughters. I want her to realize, one day, that she traded a good and respectable family life for cheap flings and tawdry orgasms with men who look at her as nothing but a fuck-puppet.

I dunno, maybe that is revenge. I like to think of it as a reckoning.

[This message edited by Westway at 3:49 PM, February 6th (Thursday)]

The bad guy sometimes wins in these melodramas, and cheating partners go off and live their lives without you, absolutely sure they were in the right to do so the entire time.

I agree. One thing about growing up on the streets is that it taught me not to expect life to be fair. Life is anything but fair, and the sad truth is that, more often than not, selfish, destructive people end up going through their entire lives with little or no consequences for their bad actions. I know many of these types personally.

It’s been said that the best revenge, is a life well lived.

One thing about growing up on the streets is that it taught me not to expect life to be fair. Life is anything but fair, and the sad truth is that, more often than not, selfish, destructive people end up going through their entire lives with little or no consequences for their bad actions. I know many of these types personally.

I have to agree here.

Your best bet since your kids are older is just cut her completely off. I know 4 who do this, 3 of which have younger kids. They just keep everything separate. Holidays, birthdays, etc. You have your time and she has hers. They say it’s the best thing they’ve done. After a year or so it’s out of sight out of mine. It works

I have to agree here.

Your best bet since your kids are older is just cut her completely off. I know 4 who do this, 3 of which have younger kids. They just keep everything separate. Holidays, birthdays, etc. You have your time and she has hers. They say it’s the best thing they’ve done. After a year or so it’s out of sight out of mine. It works

That is my hope. I'm lucky (I guess) for not knowing the truth until my daughters were already almost grown. I have three years where I will have to deal with her on a monthly basis and then just sporadically. I can hold out that long.

So next weekend is my younger daughter's birthday. She asked me a couple weeks ago if she could have her girlfriends over for a sleepover at my townhouse because it is bigger, airier and has two bedrooms: hers and a guest bedroom. I have a big 85 inch TV and a Bose theater system custom made for watching movies and playing video games. I have a huge kitchen, and the whole place is more spacious than my STBXWW's house.

I had it all planned. One of the girls' moms was going to come over and chaperone the party while I cooked the food and played Mr. Hostess. I was going to make homemade pizza for them and go all out.

Well the bitch STBXWW found out and blew her lid. Turns out our daughter didn't mention the sleepover to her until last night. She called me last night and cussed me out on the phone, asking me why I was trying to turn our daughter against her and embarrass her. She says she won't allow it to happen unless she is allowed to come over and be there during the party. I told her no f*cking way she was coming to my condo. Well then it just blew up. Now I have her mom calling me cussing me out, telling me what a vindictive asshole I am. So on and on and on...

So now my daughter is caught between her manipulative mom and I. I don't want her to have to choose or piss her mom off, but at the same time my place would be much better for a big girl party. So now I have to decide if I'm going to let the X come over. I just feel like if I let her have her way in this I will be setting a precedent, and I don't want that. This whole thing sucks. This is my daughter's 16th birthday. That is a big deal and I don't want her memories of it tarnished by her asshole parents.

Stand your ground ... do not let her manipulate you. On your end it's all a go for the party ... if it goes down in flames it's all on your XWW. If I were the mom, I would not want to ruin my daughter's (reasonable) Sweet 16 wishes. There's nothing more to discuss with XW ... let your daughter bitch and moan and call her out on her (continuing) selfish behavior.

You already know this has almost nothing to do with your daughter’s sleepover, right? This is about anger and projecting power. Might as well address this up front. You’re in a reactive, angry mode still and want to defend what’s right. You don’t want the ex in your space. (Isn’t she officially EX now). However, what is also important is not to let your daughter be victimized by adults that despise each other. Don’t let your mutual trauma spill over into her life.

The sleepover has to happen. That’s a given. You promised. Your daughter promised. That means YOU might have to bend a little, as distasteful as that might be. I have no idea what communication with your ex must be like right now. Understandably,I doubt it’s wonderful— based upon the many posts I’ve read. You may have to communicate with your ex the concerns going into this thing. You might even have to do a little give and take, as bad as that is. This is the first test in a long series of your post divorce life. You might have to drop the stoic, minimalist mask and actually have an important post-divorce logistics discussion with your ex now. Get used to it.

Salient points.

You have visitation rights granted to you by the State of Michigan. In no place do your rights state your daughter can’t hold a social event at your new domicile. So her issue is....?

If need be, you can have your lawyer send her lawyer a reminder about that, that your visitation isn’t supervised. That’s the hard ball approach, and an expensive pain in the ass.

The event will be chaperoned by an adult female volunteer. The parents of your daughters friends have ostensibly agreed to these arrangements. So her issue is....?

Presumably this event takes place on a scheduled weekend for visits. Her issue is...?

Therefore, you are curious what your ex might be specifically objecting to. The chaperone situation or her late notification? Or maybe you hosting a party? Explain to her that it is important for your daughter to keep her promise, too. Tell her you are all of you on new ground here. You may not be happy about the divorce but the one element of it you should both agree on is the kids are not to be victimized by the acrimony the adults might have for each other, right ex wife?

If the event doesn’t happen, it will be because the Ex demands it. She doesn’t want to appear like a villain in this. Remind her that you have been very cooperative in hiding her secrets from your daughters. You’ve helped maintain her reputation in the face of clear evidence to the contrary. You didn’t have to. Tell her, now you are sabotaging yourself. Because it will be obvious who ruined this event. Do you really want this?

The point should be that you all (daughters included) need to be cooperative and communicative going forward; this is a reality none of you are used to yet. In truth, here. You know your daughter should have mentioned the sleepover to her mom earlier than this. Think of it as a lesson learned about how to plan life in the wake of the divorce.

Considering how shattering your wife’s adultery was, you were very fortunate that the actual divorce went relatively amicably. With luck, diplomacy and a little give and take you can navigate life afterward. This woman will be around for a while, as unpleasant as it may be for you. You know this whole argument was just her attempt at getting back some power as she has lost a lot of influence with you. Life isn’t about crushing your enemies. Life is really a series of negotiations.

Best of luck with this.

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 9:02 AM, February 16th (Sunday)]

Don't allow her to come over. This is what divorce looks like. You do things with the kids, separately from her.

You get to have your kids in your house. Mom doesn't get to be there.

The child is old enough to decide who she wants to live with. I wouldn't be surprised if she chooses you.

Stand your ground. Your new place is a safe place from your ex.

And, if this is the way your mother in law is going to be, block her. You are under no obligation to answer to her at all.