SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Dear Westway,

I must say... You handle yourself with dignity and strength throughout the entire situation. Well Done!!!!!! I have only one comment, don't ever be afraid of your WW family!!! Because of their lifestyle, they are more vulnerable then you think.

Best,

Bigheart

Manicures are a great idea, just make sure the other parents are okay with it.

[This message edited by faithfulman at 10:39 AM, February 17th (Monday)]

I texted and told MIL that going against me would not be advisable if she didn't want to find out the lurid details and amounts of her daughter's shenanigans. I told her she only knows 1% of all the crap her daughter was up to the years we were married. Well that shut her up, for now.

So nice to have that Ace of spades even after the divorce.

Block her family.

Your best path. They aren’t your family

[This message edited by Marz at 10:50 AM, February 17th (Monday)]

Manicures are a great idea, just make sure the other parents are okay with it.

Good idea. I'll make sure we let them know.

Well played Westway, no doubt that shut her up!

And, after you mentioned the 1%, I would imagine your WW had some not so nice discussions with her MIL....

Way to spike her guns! That should stop the vitriol at least for a little while.

The manicures are a great idea. Checking in with the other parents is a good idea. Has your daughter asked to do anything else to fill the time?

[This message edited by Xzy89c at 12:51 PM, February 17th (Monday)]

You should let her family know at this point. Start with her brothers. Ask them to get the family under control. Harassing you due to their sister being a slut is not something you are going to put up with.

What do you ladies think of me hiring a manicurist to come and do the girls' nails at the party? There will be seven girls. I heard of a lady I know doing this for her daughter's party, but I'm not sure its is something that is done at these evening sleepovers.

I think it's a great idea. Just make sure to get permissions. Sometimes infections can be transmitted if the tools aren't kept clean enough.

Great job shutting down the ex, btw.

Tell the oldest brother that you will be happy to give him and his parents a full and complete copy of your PI’s report and that the only thing you ask in return is that after he reviews it he tells you truthfully how he would respond to his wife if the report was about her. If they have any sense of decency at all, the report should shut them up. Of course if they don’t, it might start a war. Only you can judge what to expect since you know them well. Anyway, stay strong. You are doing great.

Personally, I would block the family and keep your powder dry regarding the PI report. You don’t know what your ex has told them (other than it’s probably not the truth!). There is no reasoning with their families, they will always look for excuses for their princesses (or princes) behaviour, and more often than not that excuse will be you. I’m in the same boat, I too have a smoking gun on my ex that I could have used many times to cause some major upset, but ultimately my preference is a drama minimal life, and if I lose a few battles, or I compromise most often then I’m okay with it. My ‘fairness’ ego takes a hit at times but a strenuous workout or two and I’m good to go, and ultimately this is a marathon not a sprint, especially when ensuring our kids’ frame of reference for their own behaviour is us and not their screwed up parent. Let your ex screw herself up with her own lies and bullshit. She doesn’t need your involvement with her temper tantrums and narcissism, neither does her mother from whom your ex likely got a lot of her screwed up priorities.

You handled that with WAY more restraint than I would have! What you told MIL should scare her a bit but the minute I heard from the brothers/sil I would have to blow the lid off the actions of the whore Ex! You dont owe her shit & I sure wouldn’t take any more shit from her family. Good Luck

Were it me, I would send a final text to all her family members and let them know the full story. Then block them forever. They have no business sending you any texts at all.

My opinion, for what it's worth, is that it is good to keep your PI info undisclosed for now. Once released it loses any power it had. As someone previously said "keep your powder dry".

So WW and I had another talk last night. She has calmed down, but she had the gall to tell me that I should have asked her first before my daughter and I made plans. I told her that I was not aware D had not told her and that, in my opinion, she was making much ado about nothing. She and her family can take my daughter out to a swank restaurant on Thursday (on her dad's tab more than likely), and I will host the girl party.

She cried and said that none of this was fair to her. I came back with "well fucking other guys throughout our marriage wasn't fair to me was it?" So then she ranted about how I was never going to forgive her, blah, blah, blah. I just said "Well, you haven't asked for forgiveness, so how can it be granted?"

Should I insult the intelligence of everyone here by telling you more?

Let me guess, she responded: “I have nothing to be sorry for because you ....”

She cried and said that none of this was fair to her. I came back with "well fucking other guys throughout our marriage wasn't fair to me was it?" So then she ranted about how I was never going to forgive her, blah, blah, blah. I just said "Well, you haven't asked for forgiveness, so how can it be granted?"

Sheesh! Talk about a real major disconnect!

You know, in terms of "forgiveness", I've never forgiven my fWH. I probably won't either. What I have done is more like "writing off the debt". His infidelity is something he can never pay me back for. There's no possible coin, no exchange, which can make up for the pain he caused me. But I did find, after awhile, that I could write it off as unclaimable. That way, I'm not standing around with my hand held out waiting for restitution which is never going to come. I wonder if something like that can work for you in divorce as a way to reach indifference with the ex.

Forgiveness takes years, even decades and sometimes never comes.

I would let her know that what she did was unforgivable and that someday you might find it in your heart to forgive her as a person if she can become someone who is forgivable, but that you will never forgive the acts that she committed.