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Newest Member: awmale65

Just Found Out :
I know her secret, and it's killing me

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 ChoppingOnions (original poster member #31671) posted at 10:26 PM on Saturday, April 2nd, 2011

Thanks UKGirl, for taking the time. Awesome.

BS(me)-44
WW-43
Married-15 yrs
Daughter-(4)
D-Day: 5/31/11(EA/??PA)
D-Day #2 (PA), #3, #4: 6/1/11 (WTF?!)

posts: 261   ·   registered: Mar. 29th, 2011
id 5164021
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ajsmom ( member #17460) posted at 3:24 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2011

Sending good thoughts your way today, CO.

Hang in there.

Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34

posts: 21424   ·   registered: Dec. 21st, 2007   ·   location: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
id 5164938
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SomewhatWorried ( member #16181) posted at 4:18 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2011

Remember to put that FB setting back just before logging off; it retains the last setting when the user logs back in :)

posts: 176   ·   registered: Sep. 13th, 2007
id 5165010
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 ChoppingOnions (original poster member #31671) posted at 5:15 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2011

Thanks, Somewhat. Nothing interesting on her FB. She gets back tonight. Going to play it cool (not easy!)

BS(me)-44
WW-43
Married-15 yrs
Daughter-(4)
D-Day: 5/31/11(EA/??PA)
D-Day #2 (PA), #3, #4: 6/1/11 (WTF?!)

posts: 261   ·   registered: Mar. 29th, 2011
id 5165105
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lordmayhem ( member #30526) posted at 5:21 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2011

You're a lot cooler than I was when I first found out. I confronted way too early and lost the opportunity to find out more. I spent a long time feeling the pain of not knowing.

That's why I'm hoping you will avoid making the same mistake I did.

[This message edited by lordmayhem at 11:22 AM, April 3rd (Sunday)]

BH-me, 45
fWW-her, 50
Married 21 yrs
2 kids (21, 12)
D-Day: 06/11/10

In R at this time

posts: 532   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2010   ·   location: USA
id 5165113
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 ChoppingOnions (original poster member #31671) posted at 9:56 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2011

A helpful person PM'd me and OK'd me to post this publicly, FYI:

Just so you know, I'm fairly sure Facebook tracks when the account has been logged into and an approximation of where from. I think it's in the security area of the account and you can delete entries when you are logged in

I was aware of this, but in case others didn't know.

BS(me)-44
WW-43
Married-15 yrs
Daughter-(4)
D-Day: 5/31/11(EA/??PA)
D-Day #2 (PA), #3, #4: 6/1/11 (WTF?!)

posts: 261   ·   registered: Mar. 29th, 2011
id 5165478
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 ChoppingOnions (original poster member #31671) posted at 10:04 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2011

Appreciate your thoughts, ajsmom and lordmayhem.

Priority one is getting her emails if I can. If there's absolutely nothing there, I can probably guess that she's being extra discreet due to our earlier conversations in the week.

That, and investigating the laundry. FML!

I might sound cool in my posts, but I'm a mess. Just trying to hold it together.

BS(me)-44
WW-43
Married-15 yrs
Daughter-(4)
D-Day: 5/31/11(EA/??PA)
D-Day #2 (PA), #3, #4: 6/1/11 (WTF?!)

posts: 261   ·   registered: Mar. 29th, 2011
id 5165483
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GingerBird ( member #19097) posted at 10:07 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2011

Hang in there. I'm not a prayer but I am willing some of my strength across the atlantic to you.

You know where we are

"True happiness does not come from experiencing pleasures of the body and ego—but from having experiences that stimulate your core self—your “soul”—challenging and inspiring you to grow into your highest potential as a person"

posts: 836   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2008   ·   location: UK
id 5165487
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somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 10:13 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2011

..((((CO))))

..just lettin' you know i'm thinking about you in these traumatic hours before she gets home..

..keep it together as best as you can, considering!!!

..your SI family will stick with you through this..

..sending prayers and strength..you will get through this nightmare..

smy

trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!

posts: 6085   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2009   ·   location: Ontario Canada
id 5165490
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 ChoppingOnions (original poster member #31671) posted at 11:12 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2011

Thanks. She's gonna ask me how I spent my week, and I'm not gonna have much to tell her. "Um, I've been looking under every nook and cranny in the house, uh, reading your facebook and other accounts, bugging your car and posting every detail of our sordid story on SI. How was your week?"

BS(me)-44
WW-43
Married-15 yrs
Daughter-(4)
D-Day: 5/31/11(EA/??PA)
D-Day #2 (PA), #3, #4: 6/1/11 (WTF?!)

posts: 261   ·   registered: Mar. 29th, 2011
id 5165576
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sweetvoice ( member #23350) posted at 11:49 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2011

Stay strong. Stay cool. Deep breaths. Eat well. Do something else for a bit to relax. (hard I know but helpful!)

Strength and prayers being sent for you.

"...then suddenly you changed and now I don't know who you are. Or could it be that I never really knew you from the start?" -The Scarlet Pimpernel-

posts: 93   ·   registered: Mar. 23rd, 2009   ·   location: South Dakota
id 5165624
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Running In Place ( member #31721) posted at 2:23 AM on Monday, April 4th, 2011

Drop the hammer......Shock and Awe....

Me - BS 41
Her- WW 42
Together 11 yrs, Married 9 years
D-Day November 26th, 2010 10:36am
2.5 week EA/PA Affair
TT-Day #3 Mar 3rd, 2011
3 Terrors 15, 14 & 5
In R
www.aubosox.wordpress.com

posts: 115   ·   registered: Apr. 1st, 2011   ·   location: Alabama
id 5165825
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vickie1957 ( member #31075) posted at 2:41 AM on Monday, April 4th, 2011

CO...

I love your sense of humour- you are going to get through this just fine.

just take it an hour at a time and remember to BREATHE!

here we go again

posts: 118   ·   registered: Feb. 2nd, 2011   ·   location: bc canada
id 5165841
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reggie ( member #31682) posted at 3:29 AM on Monday, April 4th, 2011

Make sure your browser history is cleared, if she has access to your computer.

You are right to wait. I broke it early, then had to fake remorse when I was bludgeoned for doubting her.

Fotunately, she bought tha act and remained careless. About a month later , my PI busted her.

posts: 165   ·   registered: Mar. 30th, 2011   ·   location: Minnesota
id 5165916
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SomewhatWorried ( member #16181) posted at 3:48 AM on Monday, April 4th, 2011

Thanks. She's gonna ask me how I spent my week, and I'm not gonna have much to tell her. "Um, I've been looking under every nook and cranny in the house, uh, reading your facebook and other accounts, bugging your car and posting every detail of our sordid story on SI. How was your week?"

OK, I know this sort of thing sucks, but your comment made me chuckle!

On a more serious note, I agree that it sounds like you need more to satisfactorily verify for yourself as it appears that things might be easily 'explained' away without more...regardless of the seemingly glaringly obvious that there is certainly more to what's going on.

Sending you strength...

posts: 176   ·   registered: Sep. 13th, 2007
id 5165944
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 ChoppingOnions (original poster member #31671) posted at 7:18 AM on Monday, April 4th, 2011

Not much to report. She's back, very tired. 4 y/o is very happy. Both asleep. F'n Blackberry appears quite happy at her bedside as well, well guarded.

Nervously thought about going for her email via PC, but thought better of it. I'll bide my time and continue to lurk.

Bags remain packed, and I remain watchful. She submitted a few pertinent items for laundry, not everything yet. Will do a "batch run" when I get it all.

She's off tomorrow so it'll be a family day with D.

BS(me)-44
WW-43
Married-15 yrs
Daughter-(4)
D-Day: 5/31/11(EA/??PA)
D-Day #2 (PA), #3, #4: 6/1/11 (WTF?!)

posts: 261   ·   registered: Mar. 29th, 2011
id 5166160
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uddup ( member #15995) posted at 5:26 PM on Monday, April 4th, 2011

Thinking of you. Good luck.

This will be a tough week. Stay focused.

FYI - I wouldn't worry too much about accessing her email from home. If it's a large coporation they won;t connect the dots and if its a small/med corporation their IT department is understaffed and doesn;t have time to compare sign in logs from work vs home.

Me: BS - 50
WW: 44 C1: 18 C2: 17


----------------------------
The next spring will be even more glorious for the winter that we endured together.

posts: 219   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2007   ·   location: Toronto - Canada
id 5166779
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Trying2Survive2 ( member #25758) posted at 6:08 PM on Monday, April 4th, 2011

Good luck. keep us updated!

Faithful Wife ME 52
FWH 47
DDAY #1 1/11/09 EA Online ONLY (NC)
DDAY #2 6/2010 Admitted PA with the same PIG(12/08)
"Anything may be betrayed, anyone may be forgiven, but not those who lack the courage of their own greatness"

posts: 1376   ·   registered: Oct. 6th, 2009   ·   location: USA
id 5166874
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SomewhatWorried ( member #16181) posted at 9:07 PM on Monday, April 4th, 2011

FYI - I wouldn't worry too much about accessing her email from home. If it's a large coporation they won;t connect the dots and if its a small/med corporation their IT department is understaffed and doesn;t have time to compare sign in logs from work vs home.

FYI, I'm not a lawyer and can't speak to legalities.

But, I work in IT for a large corporation and nobody checks routine email logins or source IP.

Only extreme circumstances would warrant something like that...perhaps a discovery of some sort of wrongdoing that would warrant a firing and checking the terminated party's email activity, or a court-order for a criminal case.

Besides, wouldn't checking work email immediately after arriving back home from a work-related trip be a normal circumstance anyway?

posts: 176   ·   registered: Sep. 13th, 2007
id 5167257
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 ChoppingOnions (original poster member #31671) posted at 11:56 PM on Monday, April 4th, 2011

The issue with email is not getting caught by her work. It's certain other authentications that have to be provided. I don't want her to see me absconding with that item.

Nevertheless, I read her emails today. It's pretty much more of the same...innuendo, careful wording, and just lots of X's and O's. There are probably more on the Blackberry that don't show up in webmail.

OM: I wanted to let you know that x, y, and z will be attending the dinner. I am very sorry for the inconvenience. Yes, I would also rather the 2 of us only!

Not many emails, likely because they are together. Nothing damning for PE, obviously.

Laundry investigation later tonight, if possible.

Thanks for your words, all.

BS(me)-44
WW-43
Married-15 yrs
Daughter-(4)
D-Day: 5/31/11(EA/??PA)
D-Day #2 (PA), #3, #4: 6/1/11 (WTF?!)

posts: 261   ·   registered: Mar. 29th, 2011
id 5167560
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