SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Allatsea, keep it up. Sounds like you are doing a good job creating a sanctuary for you boys.

That is all my children wanted at the start of this. Just a place to rest from the situation. Sounds like you have done that.

Keep it up. You are doing awesome, even though you feel like you have been cut up with a dull knife and thrown into the ocean.

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact

I am sure this will really piss her off and she will accuse me of being controlling and pushy.

Well, she asked for it.

It don't matter what she thinks of it now, she's done what she wanted.

It'll send a clear message that you don't like playing around and want to move on. She'll appreciate that later on.

Your doing pretty well.

If she wants to come back later she will. Stay strong.

Happy Days,

Why will she appreciate that later on?

At the moment all I am doing is reinforcing all of her exaggerated reasons for leaving me in the first place

She may never appreciate you. She has clearly gone off the deep end.

Your Children will appreciate it though. They will realize sooner than later that Dad is the one who kept us safe. I have a dear friend who ended up D'ing w/ his wife due to multiple indescretions. He was taken to the cleaners financially in the D. But his kids are all teens now, guess where they want to spend all of their time? Yup with Dad. Mom has still continued to act like and oversexed teen, and she lives in her parents basement. Nice huh? A 40 year old woman, who focuses all of her time on either working out, or bedding men. YUCK. My buddy is one of the best dad's I have ever seen. He is very happy he D'd, and says now that he cant believe he let her treat him so badly for so long before throwing her out.

My point is. Kids are smart, they know who the "good guy" is in this. Trust me. Keep loving those kiddos.

Sending you many hugs and lots of strength.

Thanks Tush.

I think they can already see that we are a family of three and the 'other' house is an uncomfortable combination of strange man, aloof mummy and general displacement.

[This message edited by allatsea at 8:22 AM, April 25th (Thursday)]

Despite my bravado earlier in the day, it's now the evening and I'm feeling crappy. Stbxww will definitely have the papers by now and all I can think of is her. I miss her so much, the house is so quiet, and I'm crying like a baby. I'm trying to keep busy by decorating DS bedroom but I can't get my crappy situation out of my head. I'm so desperately sad. I keep hoping, foolishly, that she'll suddenly realise what she's done. I know it to be unlikely but I so much want my wife and children back.

Where is my wife of old?

(((((Allatsea)))))

If you're going through hell, keep going.

Winston Churchill

Hang in there man, feel better.

AllAtSea

Life will get better. You have been through a lot in such a short time.

But know this.

Your wife of old is gone. The woman who inhabits her body is a liar and a cheat.

It is ok to miss the old good wife but realize that person is truly gone.

Stay strong for yourself. You really are doing well.

Your letter was awesome and serving her papers shows her that you no longer tolerate her horrible actions.

Sure she is hurting you. But worse than that she is hurting her children and in turn will be hurting herself.

And as fast as her new relationship is going just realize it is too fast.

The candle that burns twice as bright burn half as long.

You will see...

Keep moving forward. get her out of your life.

You deserve to be loved by a good, honest woman and so do your children.

Now keep showing your wife the consequences for her actions.

And make sure the family and people in POSOM's world knows just what kind of person he is as well.

HM64

Thanks Happyman,

I hope to change my username to a positive one such as yours, one day.

If someone would have said to me at Christmas that by the end of April I would be filing for divorce, I would have laughed at them. 'No way', I'd say. 'We are far too happy'

(((allatsea)))

I've been following your story -- it's utterly heart-breaking. You sound like a fantastic dad and your behavior has been remarkable. You will be so proud of yourself for handling this with so much dignity.

One thing you haven't mentioned -- friends. It's time to reach out and rely on them a bit. You can lean on people. My WH is a Brit and I know how hard it is for you guys (I lived there for 9 years)... but do, reach out if you can. You need to build a supportive community.

Good luck to you, and FTB!

Chin up mate- sounds like you're spot on so far.

Blobette- even we occasionally give man hugs you know!!

MAN HUG RIGHT AT YOU ALLATSEA!!

Thanks ladies and gents. The support on this forum is truly life saving. I hope to reciprocate when I'm through all this. My friends are supportive but I don't want to bother them too much. I find myself repeating the same old things purely as a means to process how bewildered I am. I guess it's because it doesn't feel real yet.

Just keep repeating and repeating until it sinks in. I think that if we were able to instantly assimulate every bit of what happened, what it means, what it will mean, and what it will do to our lives all at once, no one would survive this steaming pile. (((hugs)))

Any moment you're going to realize how disgusting this act of her's is. That is a turning point. There will be ups and downs, but if you hang on to your kids, your going to be okay. She isn't the wife you thought she was. She is a selfish gross piece of trash. A decent person couldn't live with themselves after doing what she has done. The wife you want back never existed.

I'm now beginning to realise a pattern of behaviour over the last 19 years. I've been piecing things together from when we first started going out. In the first few years (when we were in our early twenties), we split up one or twice for a couple of weeks over trivial things but each time she sought the attention of other men to gain comfort and approval and maybe even revenge. A few years later, she was starting to think about settling down and getting married and I hadn't yet proposed. She said that she was considering whether I would ever commit and around this time I find out she had a one night stand with a colleague. I never suspected at the time. This confession came out on DDay of the current affair. I then subsequently find out from secret emails between her and POS that she had also made out with someone else whilst we were married but it didn't go any further. I imagine this happened when we'd had an argument, or something. I predict it was with another colleague. Which brings us on to the current POS, who's appearance on the scene coincided with an increase in workload and the end of a single bout of depression for me. A perfect storm ensued and POS siezed an opportunity on my weak willed STBXWS. The only fortunate thing for me was that I discovered it within a couple of months rather than be oblivious to it for much longer, which I knew was her plan.

I now know that she DOES have issues of dealing with problems, confronting them and handling them in a grown up manner. Whereas I would discuss any problems or issues, she would not. She would internalise them and then release her anger or frustration by seeking the validation from another man.

I thought I knew my wife. I wouldn't be surprised if more revelations are exposed over the near future.

Bitch

Still waiting for the bubble to burst. No sign so far.

11 weeks since dday

6 weeks since they moved in together with my children.

She seems to be enjoying her new family in her new house.

Where are the cracks?

Why doesn't she miss her old life yet?

Why isn't she finding working AND living with him hard work?

Why don't the cry's and sadness from her children eat away at her?

How can she seem so happy having done what she's done to me and my children?

Sad today

[This message edited by allatsea at 9:24 AM, May 1st (Wednesday)]

Ww received the papers from the lawyer over a week ago. I've not had any comments, acknowledgement or signals that she has them. Ever since I found out about the affair ww has refused to discuss selling the house or any other assets.i Point blank refuses and yet she is the one who has provided the finality to the marriage by moving out of the family home and moving in with pos. Why won't she engage with me on the assets? She wanted to be amicable but she just ignores any text or email about it.

[This message edited by allatsea at 2:35 PM, May 4th (Saturday)]

Perhaps there is trouble in fantasyland.

These people act weird sometimes. My XW made the appointment for me to see my attorney, then when I'm so disgusted with her that I can't stand her looks, she holds off on the divorce. Her motivation was obvious, she needed a place to live for a few months. There is a selfish reason. It may be to drive a harder bargain. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you might be able to win her back if you are generous to her in the divorce agreement. Drive as hard of a bargain as you can. I did and it paid off. A friend of mine didn't and got screwed twice.

You are doing incredibly well, keep doing what you are doing. Be there for the kids. The pain will subside. Several months went by for my xww before the "cracks" started to show in her life, and she finally fell hard. Give it time.