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Let's not argue about who said what.

This is SWAT's life, and he's hurting right now.

The last thing he needs is members here battling for the correct option for HIM.

I actually feel he did everything we advise each and every BS here who has the same thing happen to them. He took a stand and he said "NO MORE". He set his boundry.

I say good for you. You did what you said you would when a line was crossed. You in fact had much more then many of us do, you had proof, you showed that she lied when she was not at the house, you went to the place they were at and took pictures....you had WAAAAAYYYYY more then any of us get. You had proof.

You then took money out and you had a lawyer ready to go. THAT is what we tell BS's to do. Yet when they do it we all get shocked?????

Whatever happens with he and his WS he has now set a boundry. I say good for him.

(((Swat))) My thoughts are with you!!

You've implied, here again, that he should be giving another chance, and stated the children are 'dangerously close' to being from a broken home. That is certainly implying that he should be sticking around and putting up with a continual liar because he has children.

I explained what I meant, if you choose to read it another way that's on you.

NO, but I bet he's aware that he has kids too. If we aren't going to say what SWAT already knows, well, you see where I'm going.

I do see where you're going. You're desperately grasping at an argument right now because you can't think of a better comeback. Saying that there are kids involved and they should be considered before any final decisions are made is rational, helpful advice where I come from. Calling some woman you don't know a bitch, whore (you conveniently left that one out of your most recent post) is not helpful to SWAT or anyone else. Instead of admitting that you are trying to make silly arguments.

That isn't what you said. You didn't say this might not be what it seems. You said that others have forgiven worse. Totally separate. Regarding how grim it is - she was emailing with her boyfriend from the second SWAT left. She lied about being home when really she was out having drinks with her boyfriend. That's pretty grim.

I agree, it's pretty grim. But there are levels of grim. What do the emails say? Do they say "OM, let's hook up for a few drinks and a screw"? Do they say "I'll meet up with you one more time so I can tell you to your face that I never want to see you again."? Enlighten us, please.

Having children does NOT make a woman a saint.

No kidding, if that were the case I wouldn't be an SI member. Never said she was a saint. But she is, in fact, the mother of his 3 children. That usually buys a little consideration, even when it's not deserved.

Your sarcasm at the end is noted. SWAT made his decision long before anyone here posted a thing. He wants OUT of the marriage.

And your anger is noted. SWAT said "I'm done", and he may well be done. He might be saying that he's definitely, 100% committed to divorce, or he just might be saying "I can't take any more of this shit," which is an expression of emotional exhaustion. And who could blame him whichever way he meant it. How many of us BS said that on D Day and several times in the days afterwards (raises hand). My guess is the percentage is around 90%. I said it at least 3 times in the first 8 months, and you can bet I meant it each time. No doubt SWAT is hurting like hell right now, and I'm sure he appreciates your support.

Look, I understand you feel like I called you out. I admit I took exception to the tone of your post. Did not find it to be the least bit helpful. So I guess I did have your post in mind. But I truly believe that you are supporting SWAT and have his best interest at heart. I do too. Maybe it's a stylistic difference more than anything.

I'm bowing out for the time being, too. Good night. Take care SWAT.

SWAT - when you get this, in DC or elsewhere, please let us know how you're doing. You're in our thoughts. No one is angry (???) and we support whatever you want to do. We all know you've tried for months, and this is just another punch in the gut. No one blames you one bit for wanting to be away from this entire nightmare.

(((((SWAT)))))

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SAL, I'm not angry, nor am I grasping at anything. I didn't think you called me out, and honestly, it's not really an issue. I took great exception to someone telling a BS that keeps getting hurt over and over to 'think of the children'. To think he hasn't is really underestimating him as a person. He's been doing this for 3 months, because of the children. Piling on the guilt by reminding him how his kids are 'dangerously close' to losing their home is not supportive, imo. It's a pro-family agenda, regardless of the cost. Again-just my opinion.

I tried to pm this to you, but you are out of room. Feel free to respond to me via PM if you like.

Goodnight.

Oh Swat...my heart is with you tonight. I am so sorry you are going through this. You gave your WW the gift of R and this is what you get in return? Hold strong. You have the best family here on SI (as you already know!) and we are here for you always.

Sending you strength tonight. Please let us know that you land safe and sound.

swat70: I've never posted to you before brother but dude this is fucked up. I feel what you're going through. I'm 32 years military and brother let me tell you, you did everything you could to maintain your dignity and you don't ever deserve to be treated like this. You maintained the emotional high road through some really ridiculously nasty shit and you came out like a man - not a punk like the POS that's invaded your life. I understant you're hurting and you've got some serious emotions kicking in all at once. I only ask that once you've had a chance to blow off some steam and unwind, please just let us all know that you're ok. Don't let the shitheads of this world win - you have kids so be there for them. Let them be the centre of your universe from now on. Be strong brother and know that I'm pulling for you. Keep in touch ...

took great exception to someone telling a BS that keeps getting hurt over and over to 'think of the children'. To think he hasn't is really underestimating him as a person.

Actually I wasn't saying this to SWAT, I was saying it to everyone else. Including you. And as far as what's been going on the past 3 months, I've seen some positive posts from SWAT that are very recent. But I think we both agree that what happened today is a huge setback. Maybe a fatal one for their marriage, who knows. Time will tell.

Maybe the biggest problem I had with your post is the name-calling. It's ok to describe behavior, but does a hurting BS really need other BS's using vile names to describe his wife?

I hang out mostly on the Menz thread. One thing we don't do is call another man's wife a whore, slut, bitch, or anything. Because, her disgusting behavior aside, she's still his wife until she isn't anymore. She's still the mother of his children.

We offer support and we'll weigh-in on what we think of the WW's behavior and what we think his reaction should be. We will definitely use some choice and salty language to describe a WW's behavior, but flat-out calling her a dirty whore is a no-go in that forum. Let him call her that if he chooses. Maybe you should reconsider this particular form of support.

I've freed up my message box if you want to p/m.

Everyone,

Thank you.

I think you did the right thing SWAT. You may even want to follow down the path of divorce, maybe actually getting the divorce.

I also agree with Sal. We don't really know everything yet. SWAT should think about things when he is cool.

In any event, starting the Divorce proceedings may really wake her up. But until she reaches total bottom, proceed with the divorce. She's obviously really stupid.

Swat, if you divorce your wife for this, you can still R, if it becomes obvious that she has changed. But she really needs a come to Jesus moment, IMO.

Sending you lots of hugs and love SWAT70 - there is peace and relief from the pain waiting for you as you pick up the pieces. I'm so sorry that it hurts so much right now. I promise you are going to be ok.

I don't know your full story. But some of your posts freak me out too.

No matter how used you feel, these children need you and love you.

If you ever feel really down, and I mean really down post here. For us to remind you of those special children.

My little sister committed suicide due to her husband of 3 months cheating on her. She had no idea how loved she was. There were nearly 300 people that attended her funeral. Her Kindergarten teachers even! She would have been an awesome Aunt. Her family (my other sister and I) were really hit hard. As would be your children. It is a horrible thing to survive.

Wow, this is his thread...let's just stop and let him cool off, collect himself and support him.

(((swat)))

Be strong this week. You can survive anything that comes along. You are the prize. My in-laws never swayed in their support for me. Yours may still be there for you too. Love your children. No matter what happens with your wife, everything will get better than today.

Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, even if only a bit. Drink water. Low on the alcohol. Sleep when you can. OM is a loser!!!! I am impressed with your ability to handle all of this. Good luck.

(((swat))) sending support your way.

SWAT. So very sorry for your pain. However I am envious in a way that you are strong enough to take that step to break away. The start of a new happier life eventually. Free from worry and wonder. Some of us are having difficulty making that move. At least I am.

I see it this way all of our WWS' s and their OW/OM found each other by cheating, eventually they will be in our shoes, wondering if they can trust each other n cheating on each other. While us trust worthy, honest n faithful ones will have happiness again.

I really wished I had your strength right now.

Please continue to post so we know your ok.

[This message edited by needadvise at 1:44 AM, May 10th (Saturday)]

Hi SWAT, I can't add anything - apart from anything else, I'm still learning myself - except my support from afar. I feel for you and admire your strength. Best of luck.

OM didn't win. You did. The truth is out, maybe you needed to see it for yourself. I think it's right you got out of there, no doubt the space will be beneficial so your can sort yourself out without all the external influences.

So sorry about this. Way to go with keeping the cool head despite the turmoil and photographing the indisputable evidence, no doubt she would have tried to back track, I'm guessing she'll use the "I needed closure card" ironically it's you that's now got that closure. Rooting for you!

Thanks everyone for your support. I'm fine and in my hotel. I'll admit I'm a little drunk right now. Not the best thing but I needed something to dull my senses a bit.

My phone and email have blown up. WW sent over 100 messages. Seems she is concerned I'm going to hurt myself and she doesn't know where I am. Must be she thinks that was my plane ticket. I sent text messages to her and my in laws telling them I'm fine and to not worry. I called work and told them I was fine. (I wouldn't put it past her to report me being suicidal) my bosses know where I am and how to reach me. I asked them to not tell her where I am. I'm sure she will figure it out eventually. I called my BIL, and told him to just listen. I told him I was fine and I would call my kids tomm which is actually later today. BIL asked if he could talk to me and I said not now. He asked where I was and I wouldn't tell him. I told him maybe I am wrong but I can't deal with this right now. I have nothing left to give her she lied and saw POS. Nothing can excuse that. I hung up on him. The man who always had my back and I can't talk to him because it makes me think of her.

Swat))) WE got your back brother.