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Tred ( member #34086) posted at 11:15 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
SWAT - I'm just outside of DC if you need any help while you are here. Sorry brother.
ETA: Lot of shit past here mate. Kind of distracting to your problem.
[This message edited by Tred at 8:50 PM, May 9th (Friday)]
Married: 27 years (14 @JFO) D-Day: 11/09/11"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)
SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 11:18 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
That is great that Tred is close to DC, SWAT. He is great support!
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
yearsofpain25 ( member #42012) posted at 11:21 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
Ugh. Brother SWAT my thoughts and prayers are with you. Unbelievable.
"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll
lbuzz ( member #43164) posted at 11:21 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
I also think you should at least hear them out, even just your brother-in-law by phone. She may be trying to convince the OM it's over in person. I don't know what her part of the emails say, and of course she lied about where she was. However, it might be that there is a purpose that you don't know. This happened in my situation, and it sucked, but it really was my husband attempting to stop the OW from continually badgering him without further hurting me.
lbuzz ( member #43164) posted at 11:21 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
[This message edited by lbuzz at 5:23 PM, May 9th (Friday)]
gutfeeling ( member #41652) posted at 11:21 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
She is trying to gaslight you and her family.
There is NO good reason.
I am so sorry. Stay strong. Hang in there. Don't second guess your decision to. She had MONTHS to change her ways and she didn't. She doesn't deserve you.
(Updated to remove WW name calling)
[This message edited by gutfeeling at 6:22 PM, May 9th (Friday)]
ICECOLD ( new member #40258) posted at 11:22 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
"If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit."
"If you think the grass is greener, you're welcome to take a hike"
BS:47
WS:45
Kids
R: one foot in, and one foot out
gutfeeling ( member #41652) posted at 11:23 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
I also think you should at least hear them out, even just your brother-in-law by phone. She may be trying to convince the OM it's over in person. I don't know what her part of the emails say, and of course she lied about where she was. However, it might be that there is a purpose that you don't know. This happened in my situation, and it sucked, but it really was my husband attempting to stop the OW from continually badgering him without further hurting me.
No. This is awful advice.
What can they say that would make this ok? Nothing. And I wouldn't believe her for one second (of COURSE she'll lie and make up some reason).
gutfeeling ( member #41652) posted at 11:23 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
5454real ( member #37455) posted at 11:24 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
safe travels brother.
seriously contact Tred when you get there. even JJ says he's a pretty good guy.
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
redrock ( member #21538) posted at 11:25 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
Of course it isn't. I am sure there is a perfectly logical reason that your WW went behind your back, against a restraining order, breaking NC, to go to a bar with the OM.
And lied and said she was at home.
SHE is entitled. she has no problem making decisions that effect your life without consulting you.
I guess this blows the storyline that she was manipulated by the OM to shit and gone. She chose it. How many decisions did she have to make in order to get to that table with the OM? How many arrangements? How many lies? She chose every step of it.
It sucks. For you and your kids. But see her for who she is not for who you want her to be.
Take care of yourself now. You are so important to your kids and many others in your life. So get some breathing room and some time to compose yourself and make some decisions on solid ground.
I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)
lbuzz ( member #43164) posted at 11:26 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
You don't know that, and if the brother-in-law is a good guy, then that isn't necessarily true. I personally think it's worth talking to the brother-in-law, although I haven't followed this thread fully, so maybe there is something I'm missing.
gutfeeling ( member #41652) posted at 11:27 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
You don't know that, and if the brother-in-law is a good guy, then that isn't necessarily true. I personally think it's worth talking to the brother-in-law, although I haven't followed this thread fully, so maybe there is something I'm missing.
I'm not going to respond anymore than this because I don't want to take the focus off supporting SWAT but the last thing he needs right now is more guilt that he should be doing more to try to work it out. ENOUGH!
[This message edited by gutfeeling at 5:28 PM, May 9th (Friday)]
ForeverBlue ( new member #42602) posted at 11:29 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
SWAT please keep us in the loop for support and encouragement. We're with you. It might be best to compose yourself, maintain radio silence with WW and concentrate on small steps and tasks. We're with you. Travel safe and let us know how you are feeling. So sorry my brother. Thinking about you.
Me-BS 58
Her-WW 49
DD 12/18/2013
DD2 12/26/13
3 month False R
Her A went UG
Sep w/NC 3/14/2014
Filed for D 4/14/2014
D final 7/7/14
NB
Forever blue but forever wiser
craig2001 ( member #55) posted at 11:36 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
SWAT, I am sorry to read this, I thought for sure your story on here would be one of the good endings.
Your wife says it isn't what it seems to be. That doesn't matter, you were lied to again. The second she said she was home cleaning, that was probably it.
Another lie. Some people just do not understand what it feels like to be lied to so many times.
Curious why your BIL needs to talk to you though...
Take care.
Sal1995 ( member #39099) posted at 11:38 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
She may be trying to convince the OM it's over in person.
This may truly be the reason.
But the problem is she lied to you about her whereabouts and activities. More dishonesty. And even if it is true, at this point how can you trust anything she says? Her credibility is shot to hell.
Sending strength brother.
Lionne ( member #25560) posted at 11:40 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
Adding one more person to the SWAT fan club. When a spouse cheats and cheats again, the OP is getting a cheater. You ARE the prize. Please feel the cyber support you are getting. It is real, tangible and I suspect there are more people than I who would support you IRL if you reached out to us.
We are here for you.
Me-BS-71 in May HIM-SAFWH-74 I just wanted a normal life.Normal trauma would have been appreciated.
deeplysad ( member #16590) posted at 11:42 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
I was just wondering about you today. I'm sorry, but not surprised, by this turn of events.
(((SWAT)))
Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.
painfulpast ( member #41038) posted at 11:43 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
You don't know that, and if the brother-in-law is a good guy, then that isn't necessarily true. I personally think it's worth talking to the brother-in-law, although I haven't followed this thread fully, so maybe there is something I'm missing.
There is NO excuse for lying and saying she was home when really she was with OM. NO EXCUSE AT ALL. He doesn't owe her one second more of his time. He's been the only one trying here. She's proven with her actions today that she's still a liar, a sneak, she still thinks she can do ANYTHING she wants.
The brother in law will be around in a week. He has zero to say about their marriage. He's a friend, and that's great, but he isn't going anywhere.
I have to agree - why say that SWAT owes her anything? She's already going to try to lay the guilt on. If she wanted to talk, she should have been home, or she shouldn't have lied.
She may be trying to convince OM that it's over in person. No offense, but WHAT???? She could have said to any of his emails 'leave me alone'. She could have told SWAT he was still badgering her. Instead she spends the afternoon at a bar with him? No, this is NOT her trying to help SWAT, at all.
She's a liar, and now it's all out there.
DDay - 12/2010
Fully R'd - I love my husband
lbuzz ( member #43164) posted at 11:47 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
I don't want to provide guilt either. This is a horrible situation, and whatever SWAT does is fine. He should do whatever feels right to him. I'm sorry if it came out that I felt otherwise. I just have read inthe BS archives that NC does not always go perfectly. It didn't in my case, and it took that incident for my husband to get exactly what I needed from him. I was a raving lunatic when I caught him meeting for this reason. Literally certifiable, and I completely freaked him out. Just in case it might be the case, I wanted to put it out there for SWAT's sake.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through SWAT, and I wish you nothing but a better life from here on out. I really hope nothing I wrote was hurtful. This is painful enough without extra pain on top of it.
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