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She has been in the manic, maniac, happy phase. We have had very little intact or interactions since Monday. It's all my fault and I am screwing her out of what she had and deserves. She doesn't acknowledge me and that's ok. It would be an awful lot easier if she would leave.... but she is not going anywhere. I think her mom is even tired of her because she stopped going there also.

Again... the complete opposite of what I was expecting. If she is prone to depression...I thought she would be immobile on the couch. Or maybe even a confrontational angry in your face, keep your VAR type of fight but... super manic happy? Avoiding you? Were you ever able to guess her moods? Could she be on some type of prescription medication?

I think it's more likely her Mom said something that WW didn't like. Maybe that she should have divorced you prior to the Affair, or that she should get a job during the summer... and your WW is giving her the cold shoulder/silent treatment/avoidance because of it.

I think it sucks to have to pay for the car,phone,house,utilities, etc so she can sit here and use them. But the end is I sight. I left $400 in the bank as a just in case. Everything else is secured elsewhere.

You aren't really "paying" for these things because they are going to be deducted from the sale of the house. Right?

She needs to sell/trade in her car ASAP you may be making those payments now but she knows she needs to pay you back.

[This message edited by Freeme at 2:57 AM, June 11th (Saturday)]

she may be bipolar or have some issues along those lines. But I would think, if that was the case, you would've detected that long ago considering you've been married so long.

i think she just has too much pride to humble herself before you. "she's the prize! She's the best thing that ever happened to you! Not you! You're not the catch, SHE is!" I think her pride is too great to ever kowtow to you. She won't tell you the truth of what happened. She won't admit she made a mistake. She won't admit *to you* that she's sorry and beg for you to take her back. She'd rather blame you and lose you. it can't be on your terms. It's got to be on her terms. She wanted you to give in to her and go to MC. You wanted the truth first. That would require her to surrender to YOU. not going to happen.

that little comment you got weeks ago where she said, "i know I fucked up everything." That's all you're going to get. She's not going to surrender to you. She has too much pride.

good thing you're getting rid of her.

[This message edited by mike7 at 7:36 AM, June 10th (Friday)]

Stay strong. Your almost there. It sounds like found a great attorney. Mine was horrible. It was a nightmare from the word go. I had to rewrite my own papers after she changed them. I then had to tell her to leave them alone and file them as I wrote them. She fought me every step of the way. She swore the judge would not sign them as they were written up. She was wrong. He sign in less than two days.

I wished I would have found a better attorney but I wanted it done like yesterday.

C

It has been an avoidance strategy since Monday. I come home she goes away. She is in the fake happy place, always with a smirk and the whistling is back. I don't know of any medicine. But I have not been looking for anything. Today, I came home from work early to take my son and his friend swimming. She was standing by th road looking at herself in the porch windows of our house. Getting ready to walk. She dropped our daughter off after the boys swam so I could take the three kids out to eat. I made these arrangements with my daughter. Haven't seen or heard from her since.

Returning to counselor on Wednesday. Just a check in and get it off my chest meeting.

You've done well in a bad situation. Thankfully you didn't waffle around in waiting this out or do the pick me dance.

You'll come out fine and better than you were before no doubts. Although it may not seem like it now.

Today, I came home from work early to take my son and his friend swimming. She was standing by the road looking at herself in the porch windows of our house.

I have little doubt your wife has mental health issues. She sounds in a sort of nervous mania - which my wife would be in before she got effective treatment.

There is more going on with her than meets the eye

Stbxw did come back from wherever she went and picked up some stuff, then left, came back, then left, came back and left again. Seems like a woman without a country.

She doesn't know where to turn. She may be going off the deep end.

Better keep watch. She is definitely in a bad place.

^^^

No longer the OP's problem to fix. His priority is himself and his kids as it should be. As for the STBXWW? She acted rationally enough up to this point though, during her fun. Of course the cracks in her psyche are showing now that the stress of her new reality is hitting her.

She is in the fake happy place, always with a smirk and the whistling is back.

Whistling!?! Come on... she just found out she is going from not working and living a good life...to homeless, no car, no money, and working full time in a profession she hates...and she's Whistling a happy tune? I really think you need to google two personality disorders to see if either fit her. Narcissistic personality Disorder has some of the following symptoms -

*Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance

*Requiring constant admiration

*Having a sense of entitlement

*Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others

*Quick to anger when criticized

*Depression

Also - Look at bipolar disorder it has manic and depressive episodes.

Just read a bit about both if she does have one of these it will help you and your kids deal with her behavior if you know what are really up against.

Today's excitement waso her getting mad because I was taking the kids ton the golf course to swim while I played. She wanted equal time. This after she shows up at the house at 1130 and lays in the sun until 230. As we were leaving she threw a fit. So I said, go ahead you can certainly take them swimming. She hesitated and then decided that she did want to go. The kids just got dropped off at home

She was going back to her moms, but I know better, she is our riding around.

keep documenting things like this

Today she tried to corner me at the house to discuss the kids. She claimed that I am trying turn turn them against her. I am supposedly doing this by allowing the kids to discuss the situation and answering their questions. She wants me to stop discussing this with them unless she is present and we should not tell them the A is a reason we are getting divorced. She actual claimed the A wasn't the reason. Which I had to correct her and tell that the A was exactly the reason I filed for D. There was no question in my mind that was the reason.

She tried the cornering tactic twice today. I am sure ther will be more.

Also, claimed today that she will request my phone records from work to see if I was also cheating. This is fine with me because there is and hasn't been anything like that going on.

My only concern from today is she made comments that I will be paying. I'm not sure what she was getting at..... But from the settlement conference on Monday it seemed pretty clear that I was in a good spot in not owing her. It just made me a bit uneasy to think maybe she knew something I didn't. Weird.

She is trying to psych you out. Don't let her...just keep that VAR on you at all times. She is planning a perverse strategy to weaken your position.

Try to avoid her and be careful of any charges of parental alienation she may level against you. It's probably going to get worse until she leaves the house. Stay resolute.

she made comments that I will be paying

Your hackles should be up at statements like this. Keep the VAR!

Discussing with the kids is just fine. They need the information and the honesty.

Don't let her corner you. If possible avoid being alone with her for any reason. Lock doors behind you. Keep the VAR handy.

She doesn't know anything you don't or it would have come out. What she knows is how she is planning on getting the upper hand. Be very suspicious.

You are doing great wading through this shit, Mblink.

I'd talk to my lawyer about the cornering situation and the threats (you will pay). I believe obstruction another persons way out is considered DV... Keep your VAR on you at all times... She could have a plan or she could just be tired of whistling. I'd also start avoiding her as much as possible.

Also, claimed today that she will request my phone records from work to see if I was also cheating. This is fine with me because there is and hasn't been anything like that going on.

Is she paying her own legal fees? Can't help but wonder if this would open the door to you getting the code to her phone. She probably just said this to see your reaction.

You might also want to add/change passwords on your electronic devices, you might not be hiding anything but... why make it easier on her. The fact that she only mentioned the work computer makes me think she has been accessing your other devices... might want to check for a keylogger...

[This message edited by Freeme at 5:34 AM, June 14th (Tuesday)]

You are setting her free. She should be happy. Her actions said that's what he wanted.

Standard answer. Sorry you feel that way. Sorry you feel that way. Sorry you feel that way.

She'll be out of your life soon enough. She's probably still in shock that you manned up and put an end to her BS.

She is bluffing. You know you haven't cheated, and you know what the mediator said you will pay. She is trying to back you down. She doesn't want the kids to know who, and what she really is. But it's to late for that, your kids know the score.

Bottom line is, you are in the right , she is in the wrong. She wants to hide that. But you won't let her. You have done extremely well with the kids, you are in touch with their feelings and concerns. They will remember that in years to come.

Stick to your principles, love and respect your kids. You will have their love, respect, and honor in years to come, not their mother who was trying to fool them. Stay strong brother.

She is grasping at straws.

She is trying to control the situation.

As I and others have posted, she wants it all ON HER OWN TERMS.

Seeing if you cheat on your phone, that is what I call "fishing."

"You will pay" could be double-edged - she means you will get your money in the divorce settlement OR she will get her revenge and she will punish you.

Keep in mind, there has been nothing FAIR from anything she has told you from day one since you found out. It always was for her side, her benefit, ZERO from you.

I have no doubt, that if you had cheated, and she was divorcing, situation reversed, she would be telling the kids you cheated and she would be telling you that you should tell the kids that, too.

Your problem is that you have to deal with the kids and the day-to-day activities in the home. Mostly the kids. You can refer all divorce settlement issues to the attorney. How can you stop from being cornered? I don't think you can.

Consider a statement you can use, over and over, to deal with her bullshit. Maybe something like "Thanks for your opinion, but I disagree." or "We will have to just agree to disagree." or "I'm not OK with that." or just "I disagree." To stick to her, then "yes, we have disagreed a lot and it seems we may continue to disagree. You thought cheating was OK, I disagreed. You thought lying was OK, I disagreed. You thought secrecy was OK, I disagreed. So about the kids, once again, I disagree."

August 1 she is supposed to be out. But when does she sign on the dotted line? I am thinking that after that, things will be a little easier to deal with.

You're doing great mblink.

Don't give her anything, including phone records. If she wants to try to see them let her fill her boots, but you don't have to prove that you weren't cheating. You don't have to prove anything to her. When she accuses you of cheating... don't say a word. Nothing. Just look her straight in the face blankly.

Don't worry about the attempts to get in your head. Carry a VAR all the time. Let her know you are recording every conversation - it'll help keep her on her best behaviour.

She was saying "you are gonna pay" BEFORE the settlement conference...and we know how that turned out. Ignore it...she just puffing out her chest...trying to feel like she has some control.

....but she doesn't and and she can't handle it