Wouldn't it be great if you and your lover married and then your husband and your lover's wife married and you all lived happily ever after?
Why do people lie so much?
Love makes people so crazy!
All is fair in love and war!
That sounds kind of romantic, actually.
YOLO!
And one of my favorite quotes, from the great all-time Paramour himself, Woody Allen: "The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that." (Even if she is your wife's adopted daughter.)
Though I must admit, that is not what was said in my wedding ceremony. In my wedding ceremony, we both vowed to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. And the priest read a passage from the bible, love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
I think that's what my wedding was like. Who can remember? And who really cares? That all was just for show, I think. At least we weren't alone, the wedding ceremony and vows were just a show for a lot of people. Good compassionate people who sure make terrific messes.
Here is a way to clean up the mess:
1. Tell husband the truth. If you have not used protection with other man and your husband, include that so your husband can get tested. Tell him about the falling out of love and the not wanting to be in a loveless marriage. Lay it all on the line. It will be good for your current marriage or it will be good practice for your next marriage.
2. Tell other man you need to break off temporarily until you get legally separated.
3. Then do what you want to do, but be honest about it.