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Wayward Side :
Fallen in love but just had a baby! Help!!

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 DoctorsLove (original poster new member #58089) posted at 2:16 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

About 10 months ago, I was looking for a natural healer/doctor for my first pregnancy. I was 3 months or so along. I go to a local natural clinic, and in walks this young male doctor, couldn't be under 35. He has dark brown hair, and a ring on his finger. We talk in his office for a little while. He says he's a licensed physician but he prefers naturopathy because he thinks it's more peaceful and better for the patient. Meanwhile, he's visibly nervous. He's trembling a little as he takes my pulse. I ask him if he's new to medicine, and he stammers an apology for his nerves. He's smitten, I know. And I find him very attractive too. I ask if he can give me pregnancy advice, and he does, but he says he can't be there for the whole pregnancy because this is his last month at the natural clinic. So I ask where he'll be transferring to, and he just stops and gazes into my eyes for a few seconds. There's a definite connection, a tension in the room and he gives the name of a local hospital. He says he'll just be a GP, not an obgyn, but he gives me the name of a midwife... and his phone number, and he tells me to call him anytime for "medical advice". Sure. Medical advice. For weeks I tried to forget about him, but I had a couple sex dreams about him. I really wanted to call him, but I didn't.

One day, a month after my visit to his office, when my husband was out of town, I had a sick headache. I finally caved and called the doctor. I told him I was really feeling terrible and I couldn't come to his office, but could he come over and see me? He said he didn't usually make house calls, but he'd be glad to. He was at my door in less than half an hour. I figured nothing would happen between us because I was so sick and I looked like a hot mess. Nothing really did happen, except for a few kisses on my forehead and temples. He was so tender and compassionate. In spite of being a disheveled mess, he looked into my eyes and told me I looked perfect. He stayed with me for eight hours, massaging my head and neck, giving me excedrin, and ice packs. He even went out to the store, picked up some soup, and came back to heat it up for me. He truly cared for me. It was evident in everything he did and said.

From then on, while my husband was at work, I would think up as many excuses as possible to call him. A slight headache, a bruise, hormones , anything. Much of the time, he'd just talk to me on the phone, but sometimes he'd come over, about twice a month or so, when he could manage to get away from work. One night, about 2 months later he was sitting beside me on the bed and I just started crying. Full-on sobbing. He immediately took me in his arms and held me and murmured something like, "It's okay, let it out, I'm right here. I've got you. I'm here, you're alright." I explained through my tears that I had fallen in love with him and I didn't know what to do about it. He cupped my face in his hands and dried my tears and said he knew, and that he loved me too. I asked him what on earth we should do about it. He said he desperately wanted to be with me, but he would accept my decision on the matter. He said if I didn't want to see him anymore, I should tell him now. I told him I did want to see him, but I was afraid and confused. He said we could go in any direction I wanted with "us", whatever we were.

I said, can we just play it by ear? He said of course. I leaned in to kiss him, and that was it. Fireworks!!! We made love right there on the Master bed. Being a doctor, I suppose, made him an EXTREMELY skilled lover. The phrase bedside manner got a whole new meaning. Our first time, he was premature. He apologized profusely, said he was nervous and I was so beautiful he couldn't help himself, and then he proceeded to give me the most mind-blowing oral I've ever had. I didn't know I could orgasm twice until that day. It was amazing.

After, we kissed and cuddled and he told me he thought we were meant to be. I agreed.

He came over at least once a week after that. Usually twice. He'd stay for a couple of hours and we'd go on dates or stay at home and talk and cuddle. We would have sex sometimes, sometimes not, until about my 7th month of pregnancy. He was an amazing and generous lover. He would occasionally take the day off, but he'd still be on call for emergencies. On those days, he took me out on dates that lasted my husband's entire work day. We went to the park one day in late November and when I got too tired to walk due to being pregnant, he carried me to a park bench and I laid my head on his lap and he stroked my hair. We talked for the first time about our future. He said he wanted to have a future with me. He said that no woman had ever made him feel so loved and needed, and important. He told me he was ready to leave his wife for me and he said he was praying I wanted the same. I told him I really didn't know what I wanted. I loved him more than anything, but what about the baby? I needed stability in my life, and I almost thought about ending the relationship right then, but instead I told him I needed time to decide what to do about us.

He said he'd be willing to raise my baby as his own, and maybe someday when I was ready we'd get married and have our own children.

When my daughter was born at the end of February, I named her after my paramour's mother.

Even so, I still just don't know whether and how to build a new life with this man. I love him so much, and my heart would die without him. I'd feel so empty without him. I can't stand the thought of leaving him. But every time I hold my new daughter, I think of my husband, and I don't know how I feel or what to do. My husband doesn't know anything. I could just file, move out, and be gone just like that. My lover is better off financially than my husband, so I don't really need much from the divorce. It would be easy, in theory. But I feel so lost and confused sometimes. Usually I end up crying in my lover's arms. And he, being so gentle and kind, always comforts me and holds me. He says he thinks I'm suffering from postpartum depression, and that if I only leave with him, he'll look after me and the baby and help me recover.

The worst part of this is that sometimes, when I think about going to elope with the doctor, I don't imagine taking the baby with me. Sometimes when I look at her I feel nothing but pain, because she's a part of my marriage and my husband. I feel absolutely horrible saying that, but it's true. I told my lover this once, and he held me and gripped my arms and said, very seriously, "Whether or not you want the baby in our lives is your choice. If you don't feel that you can be a good mother to her, it might be best to leave her with... HIM. (referring to my husband) But you know I will love her and care for her as my own. You need to take your time to decide something this important. It might not be you talking. It might be the depression."

Please, what do I do?

[This message edited by DoctorsLove at 8:18 PM, April 1st (Saturday)]

posts: 28   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: US
id 7825218
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CincyKid ( member #57948) posted at 3:13 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

Easy. You go NC with the scumbag doctor, tell your husband everything and beg for his forgiveness, get counseling (you need it really badly), and don't ever do anything like this ever again for the rest of your life. Living right and doing the right thing is really easy. Billions of people throughout history have done it their entire lives.

Betrayed, life over...
Life goes on...
Met sunshine girl, fell in love...
Reconnected with wonderful DD...
Married sunshine girl, happy as can be!!!

posts: 1497   ·   registered: Mar. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Murfreesboro, TN
id 7825254
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tessthemess ( member #56395) posted at 3:21 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

Love is not built on a foundation of lies.

Own your shit and tell your Husband. He deserves to know what a piece of shit wife you've been. He deserves some control in his life. Stop thinking only of yourself.

Your H did nothing wrong and doesn't deserve what you have done. So either fess up and leave or fess up and feel how real that love for your 'doctor' is. Authenticity is the only way you'll understand whether it is true love or not. And by true love I mean you guys will both see how NOT real love this is.

Free Bird, 36. STBXH, 36
EA confirmed Nov. '16, PA exposed Dec 11, 2016.
No longer a mess.
Separated and heading towards D as of June 1, 2018.
"It's a good life if you don't weaken." - Gord Downie

posts: 1443   ·   registered: Dec. 12th, 2016   ·   location: The Great White North
id 7825260
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nutmegkitty ( member #33882) posted at 3:23 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

For real?

If this is true, then you need to file for divorce from your husband and tell him why. Them you need to tell you affair partner that you are ready for him to leave his wife for you. Also, your betrayed husband can inform your affair partners wife of your intentions to run away together.

And then see what happens. My gut is that he is a player and has no intention of leaving his wife for you.

Me - happy!
2 DDs

Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.

posts: 4401   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2011   ·   location: MA
id 7825261
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nutmegkitty ( member #33882) posted at 3:24 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

Not to mention the ethics violations that have taken place

Me - happy!
2 DDs

Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.

posts: 4401   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2011   ·   location: MA
id 7825266
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3yrsout ( member #50552) posted at 3:35 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

He should get his medical license disciplined. It is grounds for losing his license in any state.

I'm a physician. This is awful behavior on his part. AWFUL. I hope someone reports him. Maybe your BS? He shouldn't be a doctor.

You should report him the state medical board.

posts: 790   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2015
id 7825273
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Rulk ( member #43969) posted at 3:38 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

Terminate your parental rights and divorce your husband. They both deserve so much better.

posts: 255   ·   registered: Jul. 3rd, 2014
id 7825274
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psychmom ( member #47498) posted at 3:50 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

Seriously, I have a hard time believing any of this is true. Reads like a bad harlequin romance novel. But if I'm wrong, I'll be the first to apologize. And if true, definitely get a divorce and turn in this quack for his ethical violation. And IC for yourself, of course.

BS (me); fWH (both 50+; married 20 yr at the time; 2 DD DDay 1- 9/13/2014 (EA)- 3+ yrsDDay 2- 10/24/2014(PA2)-July'14-Sept'14DDay 3- 11/12/2014(PA1)-Oct-Feb '14Reconciled

posts: 4271   ·   registered: Apr. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Land of Renewed Peace of Mind
id 7825275
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smokenfire ( member #5217) posted at 4:38 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

Psych, I thought the same thing, but....

First, he probably has a fetish for pregnant women, it's a thing. You can not possibly fall in love under those circumstances. Instead of dealing with your changing body and upcoming responsibilities you chose to have a fling.

The ethical ramifications for this doctor are huge. He took advantage of you on that level and that's also not love by the way.

The two of you have destroyed two families now since he's married also. You've robbed your daughter at a chance for a 'real family'.

Go no contact immediately. Talk to your BS and get an appointment for individual counseling (IC) as quickly as possible.

Don't food shop when hungry, or date when you're lonely
How others treat you IS a reflection of your SELF worth, but not your actual WORTH.

posts: 9253   ·   registered: Aug. 26th, 2004   ·   location: Central Texas
id 7825299
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 DoctorsLove (original poster new member #58089) posted at 5:13 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

I should clarify, he's not MY Gp.the only time I saw him as a patient was that first meeting in his office. The rest of his visits were of a personal nature. It's not like he charged me for his advice or his time spent with me.

posts: 28   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: US
id 7825321
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smokenfire ( member #5217) posted at 5:19 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

Can you see how delusional your thinking is? Of all the things in the world you could have posted, you chose to defend him. Affairs are "wonderful" things, no dirty socks, screaming babies, resentment etc. That's not love, it's distraction and infatuation.

You owe it to yourself, your spouse and your baby to take steps to redeem yourself. Your spouse could stand a good chance of gaining custody because you chose to be sexually active with a stranger DURING your pregnancy possibly putting the baby at risk.

Check out the Healing Library in the upper left hand corner. There are many great articles there to assist you in getting your priorities right.

Don't food shop when hungry, or date when you're lonely
How others treat you IS a reflection of your SELF worth, but not your actual WORTH.

posts: 9253   ·   registered: Aug. 26th, 2004   ·   location: Central Texas
id 7825323
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WarriorPrincess ( member #51806) posted at 5:20 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

Psych is right. This sounds like the kind of drivel OW used to feed Mr. WP. Don't forget, it's April Fool's Day. I wonder if the joke is on us?????

ON the off chance that this is a real post, you are in the wrong place. This is a forum for people who are trying to deal with the horrible pain of infidelity, either because someone did it to them, or because they have realized what horrible people they were while they were doing it to someone who loved them. We are all here trying to deal with the worst pain most of us have ever felt. There are other forums for little girls who won't put on their big girl panties and stop messing with other women's husbands.

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest o' the world
I wanna be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls, they wanna have fun....
(Cyndi Lauper)

posts: 925   ·   registered: Feb. 14th, 2016   ·   location: Indiana Dunes
id 7825324
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 DoctorsLove (original poster new member #58089) posted at 5:38 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

I thought this was a forum for infidelity advice. I don't know whether to stay or go or how my baby is going to fit into whatever my life is going to become. I'm so lost and confused and afraid and nervous out of my freaking mind. Maybe it's just the new mom lack of sleep that's messing with my emotions. I don't know what to do!! I don't know if I can stay in a loveless marriage for the rest of my life. Obviously the new addition didn't take my marriage to the "next step"like I thought it would. And now I'm in love with the most tender, compassionate person I've ever known, but it's wrong and I'm worried and my emotions are EVERYWHERE!!

[This message edited by DoctorsLove at 11:38 PM, April 1st (Saturday)]

posts: 28   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: US
id 7825327
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JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 5:38 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

I don't really buy this, but if it's true, what Rulk said. Especially regarding the baby.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 11:38 PM, April 1st (Saturday)]

posts: 9505   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 7825328
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HowIsThisReal ( member #50235) posted at 5:39 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

This can't be real. If it is, I agree with others. You were on dates all day while your husband was at work trying to support his wife and baby on the way?

You need to find a therapist asap.

Me: BS | D-Day 11/3/2015

Took about 5 years of hard work, but we are R'd.

posts: 861   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2015
id 7825330
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 DoctorsLove (original poster new member #58089) posted at 5:42 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

I don't know what to do. I don't want to do anything quickly or rashly but I'm also afraid that I might lose him if I don't make a choice soon.I just need time and space away from both of them to think about which one I want to be with.

[This message edited by DoctorsLove at 11:43 PM, April 1st (Saturday)]

posts: 28   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: US
id 7825332
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mouthkeptshut ( member #54085) posted at 5:42 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

He also came to your home as a doctor under what were supposed to be professional circumstances. Irrefutable ethics violation here.

BH
Dday: 7/3/2016, 5 month EA/PA

posts: 588   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2016   ·   location: PA
id 7825333
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HowIsThisReal ( member #50235) posted at 5:47 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

First thing is to find a therapist and go no contact. A therapist will help you navigate your feelings.

Me: BS | D-Day 11/3/2015

Took about 5 years of hard work, but we are R'd.

posts: 861   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2015
id 7825336
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GoldenR ( member #54778) posted at 6:38 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

Divorce your husband bc the fact that the baby is named in honor of that POS's mom, there really is no going back.

Allow your H to find someone that WILL love him, bc you are not wife material....not for your husband,not for your love of your life doctor, if all it takes is a quick drs appt to forget about your marriage and "fall in love".

You don't deserve your H.

posts: 2855   ·   registered: Aug. 22nd, 2016   ·   location: South Texas
id 7825354
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Hope2B ( member #40474) posted at 7:31 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

I noticed you just joined today, and posted today, too. Today is April Fool's Day, and I don't believe a word. Quite a reflection of your character, to use the pain of others to get your jollies.

DDay: Feb. 25, 2013Trickle Truth/DDays: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)

posts: 807   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2013   ·   location: U.S.A. (The Middle)
id 7825363
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