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Thanks for the support. I'll have to disclose now. My husband confronted her after I showed him the emails. He's being held by police. The officer that I spoke with says it's his word against hers. She says he hit her. He says he didnt. No bruises or other indications to show that he did. I've never known him to be violent. He's never been physical in any way, but I know he was very upset. I also know they both are liars. My privacy is probably over now. Im leaving work to go there. I'm a mess, but I have all her emails printed and the face book messages. Her ex is willing to help mr. Can you believe it? He's offering his support. Feels awful that this is happening to me. My husband isntrying, but I'm so angry with him for having the affair period. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever done.

You are doing the right thing MrsA. Just let the police handle it from here. (((Hugs)))

Just to add: I think it is very helpful indeed that her ex is going to help you. He knows about the other victims. This OW may finally get brought to justice for what she's done for the past eleven years.

You are doing amazing. This is the hardest part now. It can only get better from here.

My husband confronted her after I showed him the emails. He's being held by police.

Oh, no. I am so sorry that this nightmare doesn't seem to end. But it will end. I promise you. The thing that we BS's fail to realize in these days following DDay is that we always have so much more power and control than we think. I was so intent on getting my WW back that I compromised at every turn. I thought that the only way out of the pain was to have everything back to where it was before the A. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. In 5 days I will mark the first anniversary of DD and I've been in what I now see as a false R since January. My WW hasn't displayed one ounce of remorse. Plenty of regret, but definitely no remorse.

I'm telling you this to help you see that R is the last thing you should be considering at this point. Right now, your WH's problems are his own. Once out of police custody, he needs to find a place to live other than your house. So far, you have done so much to insulate him from his consequences because you don't understand that those consequences are a gift to him. There is no chance for him a and a decent life until he is allowed to fully face the repercussions of his despicable behavior and the collateral damage that he has rained upon you.

Your priority is your children and YOU. You think your WH is trying. I thought that too. But I find myself going back to square one and starting the process all over again because I cut so many corners along the way. One year in with no progress. Ugh.

All A's are fundamentally the same. It's almost as if there is a script. It's much easier if you just listen to the folks here in spite of your feeling that all of this advice is counter-productive. Follow the script. It's your only shot at true R. Even then, there are no guarantees.

Praying for you.

He went to see her. That's pretty unforgivable even if it was to confront her. And ended up in police custody. That man is just stupid.

You need a lawyer like right now. You may have a civil, if not criminal suit against her. Take the emails for the cops to look at.

Get a lawyer ASAP.

what a mess. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I would just leave him in jail, what's the point of bailing him out. Let him deal with it and plan your departure.... like how can you ever work this out?, ugggh.

I'm so sorry. Do you have kids?

Are your bringing all the proof to police station?

This is absolutely horrible and unbelievable.

Praying for you.

There are still good people in the world. I'm shaking as I type this. The detective was great. I brought print outs and some of the receipts we were able to find. He was so kind. Her ex came down, and just like he promised, he told the detective a lot of information that I would've never known. (She has done this with her othe two kids too. There are 6 men excluding my husband wh has been blackmailed by her). I lost some of my anger for my husband, I saw him at his breaking point today. I also learned that he tried to end this affair after the very first encounter with her and come clean, but she admits to preying on his fear of being divorced,(I have no respect for this lady anymore.) But I still feel it was his choice to continue. She even called him dumb. Her exact words were "bet you didn't know how dumb he was." WTF!!! Good news is he didn't really hit her (I'm not sure why that relieves me but it does). The detective told her that she is in alot if trouble. I'm exhausted!!! Her ex is exhausted too. My husband was in tears (and he NEVER cries) just begging her to leave me be and I don't deserve to be treated this way. (Wish he knew that 11 years ago). I didn't think I could tell my story without crying, but I refused to let her see how much she's hurt me. I said it aloud --my husband cheated on me with her 11 years ago- and she was sitting right there. I didnt drop a single tear. I've sobbed uncontrollably since I've made it to the privacy of my bedroom, but I did it. I didn't think I could. But I did. Thats a huge step for me. Though, I feel my husband loves me, I'm so exhausted. He wants me to promise that we will work it out, no matter how long it takes. All I promise is that I'm trying. I'm trying to heal right now. I don't know if I wanna be married anymore. I love him. He knows that. All I wanna do is heal. The rest Will have to wait. I'm so glad I found this blog. It's helped me more than I can express. Thanks to everyone who took the time to post, advise, and encourage me. It is so appreciated! !!

You are courageous. You are heroic. You are incredibly strong.

You will come to know and accept this about yourself.

Your integrity and character are shining so brightly now. They were always there. Just waiting for the test of your life to pull you through.

You have shown great strength. Know that you have taken a predator off the streets and she deserves the consequences no matter how harsh. She truly is a disgusting person.

I don't think you owe your WH any more than you have offered. You have been tortured as a result of his actions. Time to start healing and taking care of yourself.

I applaud you MrsAshamed! BTW, you should change your name, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

I am so proud of you!!! She made the wrong move. You can stand up and say...I was never her victim. I am so proud of you. So proud. You just stopped this Devil from hurting more people. You are amazing! You are such a good woman. So brave and courageous.

Don't make any promises. Gather yourself over the next few weeks.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

As exhausted, hurt and devasted that you are, you found your bravery each step of the way. You have spoken the truth and sought closure and wholeness for yourself. Give yourself time to absorb and heal. You've done very well.

You are very strong. You should be so proud of yourself. And that woman is a horrible human being. She used her children to steal from at least six other families. I hope she spends a good long time in jail.

How funny that she said the things she did to you. Your husband may have done something very stupid but she is the one who stole from and blackmailed people who did nothing to her. I feel so sorry for her children. If she will do this to multiple men she's slept with, there is likely no low to which she won't sink. Those poor kids have a terrible role model for how to act like a human being.

MrsA - you're a diamond. You've helped put a stop to this woman ever doing this again to someone else (and she would have). What class and bravery you showed! To have to say those words that you have so feared people hearing in front of her and still holding it together, well I take my hat off to you.

I feel very sorry for her poor ex partner sharing kids with this monster. He came good for you and for all the other people she's blackmailed over the years. It's about time this woman was stopped, and you've been the one to do it. Bravo. What a monstrous parasite she really is.

I can only imagine how you are feeling now. I think you are wise to only promise your husband that you will try. Who knows what tomorrow brings? Much will depend on how much he's prepared to work to help you heal. There is a book by Linda J MacDonald called 'How to Help your Spouse Heal from your Affair' it will help him to help you if he reads it, and more importantly acts on the information in it.

I wish you all the best. You've done so well. We're all very proud of you.

Thanks. I really feel liberated. I slept last night without sleep aids!!!! This woman is horrid. The 20 or so minutes we spent waiting on the detective, she told me things with the intention of hurting me, but it didnt. She actually answered some gut wrenching questions, and I'm more at peace with what happened. Now, my focus is me. I don't care who she tells anymore. With a little more time, I can tell everyone myself. I can't wait for therapy next week. I really feel better. Much better than I have since DDay (which was July 10th).

This is awesome news, MA! I'm so glad you were able to speak the truth with witnesses and in front of the authorities. You're one strong and classy lady!

Glad you were able you sleep without the sleep aids! Take your time and continue to focus on YOU.

MrsA (I refuse to use your full username -you have nothing to be ashamed of!)

You are a strong and classy lady, you faced your demons (literally!) and held it together. I'm proud of you !!!

I think you have taken a huge step towards your own healing and hope that continues.

I didn't think I could tell my story without crying, but I refused to let her see how much she's hurt me. I said it aloud --my husband cheated on me with her 11 years ago- and she was sitting right there. I didnt drop a single tear.

WOW!!!!!!!!! Can you see how incredible this is that you had the strength to do this? You are courageous and this is an example of your recovery in action.

NEVER, EVER be alone with this woman again. Advise your husband to NEVER be alone with this woman again. She is evil and will do anything to get her way.

I would also never be alone with anyone having anything to do with her. Google "flying monkeys narcissists".

Thanks. I don't ever plan to see this lady again. The detective told her to cease all contact with me and my husband. I google the lying monkey narcissism, and it does suit her. Apparently she targets married men because she was the child of a married man who lived down the street with his wife and child and never acknowledged or cared for her. Hmmmm. Guess who doesn't give a damn?????? ME. I just have to focus on myself right now. I feel better than I have since DDay.