SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sorry it took me so long to respond.

I meant in all likelihood there never was a condom.

STD's can be transmitted with them, but it sounds like since the Team Dr took it upon himself to treat you both that there was probably more than you two exposed.

I don't think you have the full truth.

You stated on your first post that this wasn't the first time.

I sincerely doubt you have been given the full truth. He has given you enough to get you to stop bugging him about it.

I would recommend you see a lawyer, get a post nup, and demand he have a poly.

You cannot R until you know what you are R'ing from.

((((And Strength)))

Are there other wives or girlfriends that you feel close enough to that you could ask about this? You could ask if they knew anything or if they have also been treated, just in case this was some kind of a group thing. Realistically, they have a right to know if there are boyfriends or husbands were also a part of something like this.

Today is a hard day for me. I am not sure what I want. The trust is broken and I don't know if I have the heart to even try to rebuild. I do not trust this man.

I haven't felt any effort on his part. All talk. His action has been focused mainly on our son and his football team. I don't even know what I am looking for him to do at this point. I am leaving for a retreat at the end of this week for three days. Hoping it will bring some healing to me.

It was just my husband creating a tale to cover up his deed. No mass conspiracy.

In some ways that's even worse.

He's shown you who he is. Believe him.

k9

The lying was the insult to injury. If I hadn't have been infected, I would have never known. The embarrassment and shame. Even if she was a random fuck, I feel like she knows him more than I do. As a man who would lay with a dirty woman who straight up said "your marriage is not my problem".

Screw him.

How are you doing now? Keep leaning on the supports here. ((Hugs))

I am still around. Thanks for asking. I believe my WH and I trying to R, but it difficult. We have individually spoken to a relationship coach. He believes we can work through this but WH has a lot of effort to put in.

Communication has been great, but I still have a wall up. I don't trust my feelings. I don't know how to get past this.

Sometimes you don't. And that's OK.

You guys don't need a relationship "coach", you need a professional counselor. Mental wounds caused by infidelity are deep and fester.

Good luck.

k9

Thank you for updating.

You absolutely need an individual counselor in addition to your relationship coach. Please don’t pressure yourself into a timeline for healing, each of us recovers at our own speed. Know that your WHs actions say so much more than any words he speaks. Let him show you who he is over time, it’s easy to scramble for a few months to impress you or love bomb you.

My emotions are on a roller coaster. I go from optimistic to not wanting to deal with this anymore. From thinking he will change to believing he can't and won't change.

We have yet to see a marriage counselor. Life keeps getting "in the way". Between my son's football practice, my school, his training. We keep passing each other by with no real time for appointments. I am disappointed by this. My IC has appointments so spaced out. Like 3 weeks in between appointments. I need more than that. I have to sit on feelings that switch so quickly for 3 weeks.

Everything in our marriage has changed. We have to deal with the issues we had before DDay and now all the pain and hurt from after. It is so much to deal with. I am so overwhelmed.

Another thing that bothers me is that my family that knows is still warm and welcoming to him, despite being disappointed in him. His family doesn't know...he hasn't told them. He didn't want my family to know either, but they are my support system.

I don't know if I want them to hate him..but I also feel like he is not feeling the rejection he deserves from then. Idk why i feel this way.

emartee, I'm just catching up on this thread. It's fine for you not to trust him now. Trust takes a LONG time to rebuild... years sometimes.

Of course he wants things to go back to normal, it's easier for him not to have to face his betrayal and disgusting behavior. Unfortunately for you, that is ingrained in your head right now, and will be until he SHOWS you that he is changing his behavior.

For me, I need to hear my WH tell me why he is changing, how he is changing... who he was and who he is now. I'm not talking about one or two conversations. I'm talking about intimate soul searching conversations over time, as he goes through IC. Then maybe one day I'll decide that he has changed enough that I can trust him. Today, though we are working toward R, I do not trust him and I'm honest with him about that. It's my reality due to his betrayal and he has to face that.

As for your family... I get it. My brother knows about my WH's betrayal. While he was shocked, he is still warm to my WH when we get together. It bothered me at first. I wanted my brother to be outraged and angry for me. Then I realized that my brother grew up in the same conflict avoidant home I did. We weren't raised to face issues head on and deal with our emotions. I can't change my brother but I have changed my responses, reactions and communication skills. This may be something to address in IC for you... why doesn't your family feel and express anger toward him? It may give you some clues into your responses and reactions to this situation.

You have a lot to process. Take your time. You both are going to need intense IC before MC will be worthwhile in a situation like this.

HUGS to you. This stuff is really hard. Take care of yourself during this process, for you and your children.

When I was exposed to HIV ( needlestick ) I was asked by my employee provider to be tested every three months for a year..

Thankfully I always tested negative..

I need some advice. I just don’t believe it was a one time thing. She may have been a one time thing or not...but I don’t believe this was his only sign of infidelity.

How do I get the truth. It has been about 6 weeks and we are trying to reconcile, but I don’t feel in my heart that I have the entire truth. I don’t know his email password. I have access to his phone, but that is easy to erase. What do I need to do?

Not only should you get tested before taking a medicine that is not prescribed for you- but you should have your baby tested as well.

I'm so sorry. Sounds like a serial cheater. May be time to take the evidence and bounce.

Perhaps look into hiring a private investigator. I also agree that his story is most likely bullshit and he never even attempted to use a condom with the woman he just met🤮. Majority of cheating spouses are extremely disgusting and reckless. It’s like they forget that STDs & pregnancies can happen.

I am going to ask for a polygraph tonight. Maybe it will encourage a parking lot confession. Either way, I am stuck in our/my process of recovery. I feel like there is more to be learned and I cant move on until the truth is out.

I don’t think I can continue this marriage anymore. I can’t get past feeling like I don’t have the entire truth.

(((Emartee)))

For some infidelity is a deal breaker. There is nothing wrong with that. Perhaps the polygraph will answer the questions you have swirling around in your mind. You are really early in this and it takes years (some say 2-5 years) to recover. I hope for your sake he tells you the truth however complete honesty from a cheating spouse is rare and often the trickle truth (TT) is in the guise of protecting you from more hurt while really protecting themselves.