MSB
I read your entire thread at 3 am. We have many similarities. And I learned a lot.
Firstly I am so glad, you are ok. Cancer scares are brutal.
My WH had cheated for years, he was less lazy than your WH, he went to a prostitute and thought, this is my life love.
I married the man of my dreams - for years when I had a romantic dream he was the star. he took my breath away. Athletic, smart, engaging. Etc.
Life changed us. Two boys, busy jobs, he had his own business. He started picking at me. Was unhappy. Hated the way I was, at one point he told me he brainwashed himself to love me again. Yup I stayed. I desperately needed his love.
Marriage has been sexless for over 10 years.
He has often been cruel, disrespectful, hurtful, and emotionally abusive. The intensity of his cruelty directly correlated with his cheating. So bad that my boys often told me that they wished their dad treated me better.
We have been living like roommates for years. Separate bedrooms and floors.
Can it work? Your very first question. Maybe... but only if you detach 100% and have an otherwise satisfying life.
I spent the last 11 years taking care of two wonderful boys. That kept me going. They are now done school and on their way.
You must be as lonely as me.. I lived in a marriage where I got zero anything. No love, minimal support, no physical touch including hand holding. He just took and took. I did the work and he took.
He was kind when my mom, my best friend, died. How I miss her.
I have been, and still feel trapped in a lonely marriage. It has changed me. Not for the better. The lack of physical touch is crippling. The aloneness is crushing. Bitterness seeps in.
Honestly, a bleak future is the worse part. The future becomes bleak if you still care about them.
All this and if I am honest - I can’t let go yet. I am still vested in him. After three DDays, the great reveal was how little my WH respected and loved himself. I already knew how little he respected me.
I know now that I can’t continue with the bleakness, god I need human touch. I need and want to be loved, I haven’t been for a LONG time. I will not live this life anymore. I am simply unhappy and I don’t want to die that way. For me an emotional divorce is a death knell. My WH wants to try again. I just have figure out if he is part of my future.
If you both can detach and agree to being roommates. Sure be parents, live together, even be friends. I think it can work.
You still love him. The crux. This is where the approach fails.
MSB you are not alone. Many of us have similar experiences, and it is comforting to have some who understand to share with. So thank you. Peeps here are awesome and certainly there is a collective wisdom and caring.
I hope you can get to a place where you can look forward to your future. You deserve that.
[This message edited by Tallgirl at 4:35 AM, August 10th (Saturday)]
