SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I want to know what men are in to when they watch porn

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I like the women's attractiveness. I like the body parts and I like seeing her sexually aroused. I don't care who she is nor think about her later. It's visual and auditory only. No emotion to it.

I don't think of myself as part of it. In fact I don't actually like to see any man or man part in the porn. Messes with the visuals.

Wow. This thread came back with a vengeance this weekend.

@BetraydWife

1. What is your opinion on women faking orgasms?

2. Are you comfortable with your woman faking them? All the time? Only occasionally?

3. Would you consider it deceptive if your woman faked it? And would you be hurt by it?

4. If you wouldn't want your woman to fake them, why not?

The mysterious O. Hope the ladiez don't mind my $.02 on the topic. I'm just going to put all the questions on the O into one topic from my own personal experience. Many of the menz have stated it's like being lied to or at a minimum having dishonest behavior with your spouse. I would like to approach this from a different angle.

From my very first sexual experience on I have always asked my partners to not fake an O including the ONS I had. Body language during sex is an extremely important part of sex and that includes orgasms. I happen to pay very close attention to a woman's body and how she responds both verbally and non verbally. Here's the thing. Every single woman that I have been with has been very different in this area. Womenz bodies responded differently to the same stimulus. What was a sure fire thing for all of them, turned out was a huge turn off for one of them as that's what was done to her CSA. And even for the same woman, what might work for her on Mon, may work not on Tue, but be ok on Wed, but out of this world on Thu. By faking an O, some of us are not offended by it, but you don't do yourself or your partner any favors by doing so. Things can be switched up during or the next time. Sex is very much just as mental as physical and it's all intertwined. I also agree with devotedman that sex is part of an intimate connection regardless of O or not. Faking an O can hinder that intimate connection. If the woman legitimately doesn't have an O, that's ok. There shouldn't be any pressure to even figure out why as that can then result in additional pressure which in turn can have a negative impact. If it's a recurring thing, then yes, you may want to figure out why.

Of course, like any other topic on these boards, there is not one solution that meets all as SMS has pointed out. She's coming at it from the opposite side of the same coin that I'm talking about above. It's meant as an enhancement on what works for them. Faking it wouldn't work for me.

I can also turn these same questions around on the womenz. I have faked an O 5-6 times in my lifetime myself for various reasons. 3 of those times I remember well. Would the womenz be comfortable with menz faking an O? If so, why? Is there any difference if a man fakes it? (logistically it's not as easy for a guy but can definitely be done).

@Confused615

However..Im curious...can't you tell when a woman is faking an orgasm? I mean, can't you feel that the vagina isn't contracting and she is faking it? Or can you really not tell?

How can we tell if you're faking it? That's a loaded question. Depends on what type of orgasm you have. I don't want to be graphic here and stick to this from a clinical standpoint, but there are several different types of orgasms a woman can have and again, each woman can have different physical responses to each. The hardest one to tell if a woman is faking or not is clitoral. Yes, a woman can have a physical response to that, arching the back, vocal, body spasm, but a really good actress can pull most of that off I think. A woman can also not have a physical response to a clitoral orgasm as well depending on the woman. There are several types of internal orgasms that are much harder to fake that we can feel (vaginal or even uterus spasms, getting wetter, the "water works" iykwim). Those types are more difficult to fake. But then again, a woman can show physical signs like the "water works" and it not be an O. Each one of you womenz is really so different from the next. That's why personally for myself, since I am such a pleaser, I'm more of an advocate for LTR's for myself when I was single. The more time you spend with someone learning what make's them tick, the better this entire O topic is.

If watching porn hurt your wife..would you stop?

Would her feelings be more important than being able to watch your fantasies play out onscreen?

Absolutely I would stop. Without question or hesitation. I do like watching porn occasionally. Like watching porn with my partners even more. Like what goes on without porn the most so not a problem.

@DragnHeart

Hi Menz. What does your partner do that makes you feel loved?

Sex, hugs, saying they love you? Doing things with you that you enjoy?

Thanks :)

I would say yes. All of those things. I would have to say I love making my wife happy first. But my love language, (surprise surprise) is physical touch first but then followed closely by spending time together and acts of service. Why limit yourself to one language when you love someone? If I had to pick just one thing though that made me feel loved, is when she gives me extra attention when I'm down about something or when I'm sick. Those are the times when I need to see it the most.

yop

eta - typos

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 8:25 PM, January 11th (Sunday)]

1. What is your opinion on women faking orgasms?

2. Are you comfortable with your woman faking them? All the time? Only occasionally?

3. Would you consider it deceptive if your woman faked it? And would you be hurt by it?

4. If you wouldn't want your woman to fake them, why not?

The answer to this, for me, changed post DDay.

Pre-DDay, I would have been appreciative, in a sense, that she was trying to bolster my ego.

However, post DDay, knowing that she admittedly achieved orgasm every time she was with him , it has become a very sensitive topic. Now, I don't want anything fake. I don't want my ego boosted falsely. I have a strong need to feel desired. Faking it would certainly not fulfill that need.

Hello menz!

Whats the difference between a reminder and a nag?

I hav askd WH for help w thgs around the house and he says he will do it. Days pass, its not done and i mention it again. I get a response from him which feels like i am nagging or annoyg him

I am tryg to communicate w little tension if possible. Thanks

Hello menz!

Whats the difference between a reminder and a nag?

I hav askd WH for help w thgs around the house and he says he will do it. Days pass, its not done and i mention it again. I get a response from him which feels like i am nagging or annoyg him

I am tryg to communicate w little tension if possible. Thanks

Honest answer? Rarely, if ever, do we forget about something we're supposed to do. At least, not entirely.

So when you ... remind ... us, there's this little internal voice that's like "Yeah yeah ... I know ... I'll get to it, geez ". And sometimes we'll actually let the internal voice out.

Except, you know what? That's crap. It's something I had to learn and work on. So when I haven't done something I agreed to do, and my WW reminds me, what I really need to say is, "You know what, you're right. I said I'd do that, and I haven't. Sorry about that" Then I need to either just do the thing or call someone and pay them to do it.

At the same time, I will say it's better if WW asks in a non-shitty way. Such as, "Hey, I know you've been busy, but that thing you said you'd do still isn't, and it really needs to be. Is there anything I can do to help?"

As always, communication is key :)

Whats the difference between a reminder and a nag?

I have asekd WH for help w thgs around the house and he says he will do it. Days pass, its not done and i mention it again. I get a response from him which feels like i am nagging or annoying him

I am tring to communicate w little tension if possible. Thanks

Tone and circumstance.

Tone: is it said in a passive aggressive way. Is there some reference to it being reflective of a larger issue. As in: "you always forget this" or "for the ninth time".

Circumstance: Is it while I am in the midst of something. Is it said when I am least likely to do it (Ie out the door to work).

If watching porn hurt your wife..would you stop?

I did stop watching it at the request of the ex. It bothered her, it made her feel uncomfortable, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

Whats the difference between a reminder and a nag?

Tone of voice generally has a lot to do with it. Maybe a non-confrontational conversation about how it makes you feel that he hasn't done what he said he would do.

Faking wha...??? Never heard of that

Thank you menz

I try to be conscious of timing. And yes he does get a tone of frustration when days and sometimes weeks pass w no action or acknowledgment of forgettg.

I will tell him when he isnt doing anythg, in which case he could get startd. But invariably he is doing somethg... NOTHING!! I am disturbg his veg out decompress time smh. Im not askg for him to get up off the couch and do it immediately. Just do what u say u will do, and not 2 wks later

Even when i request a date and time it goes undone. 9 times out of 10 i have to ask a second time

[This message edited by Imissmyhusb at 9:23 PM, January 12th (Monday)]

Double post

[This message edited by Imissmyhusb at 5:08 PM, January 12th (Monday)]

Whats the difference between a reminder and a nag?

Tone, delivery, attitude, and the biggest difference is the receiver's attitude.

If the receiver of the reminder has already decided it is a nag then it is a nag.

The receiver's mind has to be changed. That is done through caring, non-threatening, non-aggressive, communication and he has to be willing to receive the new information in the way it was intended.

Personally, I told my xWGF "I find it easy to procrastinate and sometimes I forget because of job or other things. Please remind me to do things that are important. I would appreciate the help very much and I promise I won't take it as a nag."

Ok guys,

Why is sex an energy exchange? I am wide awake after and he's snoring within minutes. What's the deal?

Why is sex an energy exchange? I am wide awake after and he's snoring within minutes. What's the deal?

Chemicals. Time of day, diet, exercise, stress, etc also play into it but iirc this is one of those things that men really do get fucked over by chemical wise. I could be remembering wrong but I am too lazy to look it up.

Why is sex an energy exchange? I am wide awake after and he's snoring within minutes. What's the deal?

Men's bodies actually release a chemical that makes them lethargic. The biological purpose is thought to be that it allows the woman to be more quiescent and allow the sperm time to get started to or get to the egg for impregnation to occur.

If the guy got up immediately and dragged the woman off to do something the sperm would have an uphill climb so to speak.

Menz:

What are your thoughts on a man not wanting his wife to do his laundry? Assuming the R is very good, no infidelty issues known. I enjoy doing this for my fiance (lived together 1.5 yrs). Tonite he told me to leave it, and kinda bashfully said he didnt like me doing his laundry. Asked him why and he dudnt give any real answer (made a joke, then left for work). He did mumble something about it being personal i think? Is he hiding something? Afraid Ill find it? Embarassed of it?

Any thoughts? (i do a fine job at it, better than he would do).

Its kinda bugging me!

[This message edited by ShiningAutumn8 at 12:31 AM, January 17th, 2015 (Saturday)]

What are your thoughts on a man not wanting his wife to do his laundry?

If this a change and he used to be ok with it before then yes I would say it's strange. If he was like this from the start I would chalk it up to personal preference.

What are your thoughts on a man not wanting his wife to do his laundry?

If this a change and he used to be ok with it before then yes I would say it's strange. If he was like this from the start I would chalk it up to personal preference.

Another one...

When your wife asks "do these pants make my butt look big", what do you say? My husband says it's a trick question: he says, you can't say yes because then you're an asshole and you can't say no because then you're a liar. I ask him here and there even though I'm fairly fit and petite, but certain pants look better than others, you know.

deena04, nowadays if my wife asks that sort of question, I give her a straightforward honest answer. Of course, I no longer try to read her mind, avoid conflict, etc.

I hope she extends me the same courtesy.

I am also opposed to faking orgasms, and no longer fake mine.

I wouldn't answer the 'butt look big?' question. I'd answer questions like:

Do I look OK in this?

Should I wear something different?

Do I look better in this or that?

Of course, my W may ask my opinion on clothes, but she often ignores it.... I'm very grateful for that.