Newest Member: loyaltylost

Just Found Out :
Before You Say Reconcile...

Topic is Sleeping.
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 10:57 PM on Sunday, January 14th, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26263   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8070871
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minusone ( member #50175) posted at 2:28 AM on Thursday, February 8th, 2018

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8356   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8089139
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Skan ( member #35812) posted at 12:18 AM on Saturday, February 10th, 2018

bump

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 8090789
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 3:03 PM on Wednesday, February 21st, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26263   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8100309
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:48 PM on Saturday, March 3rd, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26263   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8108042
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sassylee ( member #45766) posted at 6:39 PM on Monday, March 12th, 2018

Bumped for DWF

My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor

posts: 11459   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2014   ·   location: 🇨🇦
id 8113999
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squid ( member #57624) posted at 8:38 PM on Thursday, March 15th, 2018

bump

BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18

This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.

posts: 2582   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Central Florida
id 8116620
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minusone ( member #50175) posted at 2:13 AM on Tuesday, April 24th, 2018

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8356   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8148630
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:31 PM on Sunday, May 13th, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26263   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8163986
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Tesoro321 ( member #63500) posted at 5:00 PM on Monday, May 14th, 2018

This is so helpful. Thank you for posting! (& bumping)

posts: 53   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2018   ·   location: Northeast, USA
id 8164545
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 7:44 PM on Saturday, May 26th, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26263   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8173306
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heartbroken_kk ( member #22722) posted at 6:58 PM on Friday, June 15th, 2018

bump

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8187372
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 11:42 PM on Thursday, June 28th, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26263   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8196449
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Skan ( member #35812) posted at 7:42 PM on Wednesday, July 4th, 2018

bump

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 8200005
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Phoenix1 ( Moderator #38928) posted at 5:38 PM on Saturday, July 14th, 2018

Bump

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9011   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 8206593
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:51 PM on Tuesday, July 24th, 2018

again

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26263   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8214048
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 7:15 PM on Monday, August 6th, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26263   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8223328
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:03 PM on Thursday, August 23rd, 2018

Bump

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA
Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4277   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8234802
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Aoife620 ( member #63480) posted at 3:54 PM on Friday, August 24th, 2018

I have a question about this...

After doing a lot more reading here, it seems remorse is not a usual immediate occurrence after DDay.

After reading the four pillars here in comparison to rug-sweeping I was afraid that my WH is more inbetween the two or even more leaning towards rug-sweeping.

I had him just read those 4 things last night and before I could even ask him, he said, "I'm more like the rug-sweeping"

So...I'm concerned. But then I think, he's aware of it at least. And again, we're only a few months out. Years of pent up angry feelings he is now finally trying to work through and I'm also working through my anger for the A.

So, should there be concern in this situation? I recently read here where it was 8-9 months out before the WS really became remorseful. So, it seems real remorse comes later rather than earlier? Just would like some opinions.

And thanks for posting this again or bumping it! It's very informative and helpful.

Me: BS
Him: WS
Separated
Headed towards D
Many D-Days....
Married 10 years on DDay#1.

posts: 151   ·   registered: Apr. 18th, 2018   ·   location: NYC
id 8235405
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sassylee ( member #45766) posted at 5:04 PM on Friday, August 24th, 2018

Aowife- excellent questions. My concern is that this thread is no longer used much for discussion - it is bumped for the clarity of the initial post. I don’t know how much traffic your questions will get here on the last page of this bullseyed thread.

I suggest you ask this in general or JFO or even reconciliation (your choice) and mention you’ve read this thread and ask your questions again.

My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor

posts: 11459   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2014   ·   location: 🇨🇦
id 8235456
Topic is Sleeping.
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