I think I just need to get this out there.
I don’t post much. I read a lot here and usually dwell in the JUST FOUND OUT section. I am pretty sure I need to be here just to feel that I am not alone and that how I am dealing with the aftermath is very similar to others out there.
It is such a weird situation to live in life after infidelity. It has changed my worldview. I suspect it is the same for everyone of us who have been cheated and betrayed.
What I feel the need to get out of my system is that I felt great JOY in finding out that one of the OW is still hurting.
Late last year I was using my husbands phone to answer a messenger text to one of our daughters. My phone was on charge so he told me to use his. I answered the daughter then I noticed he had a text that he had not read and it was from someone called ‘Facebook user’. Neither of us use Facebook but we have an account so we can use messenger to communicate with our kids.
So of course I open the message and read it. I realise it is from his great ‘love’ the whore OW that he was with for 8 years.
She was a widow when he met her. She came to sit at his table at a coffee shop and started to flirt with him. He of course loved that someone was interested in him so he took it further and further and within a few weeks they were in a full blown PA. At the same time he was in an affair with another woman that had been going on for two years. I call this affair ‘A’ Coffee shop whore is affair ‘B’.
Affair A was in a bit of a stale mode at this point because A was actually dating another man and about to get married she had very little time for my husband but he was ok with that. So when B appears he has plenty of time for her. Theirs was a much easier affair as she had her own place so they had their little love nest. They met every day for breakfast. They had lunch together then after work he would go with her to her place and then he would come home to me after that. He would be so stressed and seemed so overworked when he came home telling me all about the deadlines he had to meet and the long long hours he worked. Omg I felt so sorry for the poor man. So on Friday nights when he would tell me he would go for after work drinks with his mate I thought it was justified. He would come home late. Of course he was out with whore B. It was their night out. They had dinner and drinks then he went back to hers and then he would come home late to me telling me what a boring night he had with his mate but what a relief it was for him after such a stressful week at work.
He would have to travel quite a bit for work. Sometimes he would leave earlier than he had to and spent time with B. Then she would accompany him on the trips. He would come back and spend time at her house for a few nights before coming back to me. They had a perfectly working affair...did they not?
Until....she wanted more.
She wanted him full time. She told him they had been together now six years and she wanted more in her life. She started to resent him having holidays with me and the family. She started to resent not having him at Christmas. She started to realise that he was actually quite happily married. She would tell him she wanted more and then they would start to argue. He did the old....I am only staying in the marriage for the kids routine...she would get shirty with him. They would go a week of not speaking etc.....
Then she decides that he is never going to leave his wife so she starts internet dating. He is pretty happy for her to do that. He even meets with her and her dates on occasion. He is happy that she is no longer nagging him about leaving but he still wants to have the connection...the talks...the love...the sex...
She is happy to do this but then she actiually meets a man that she really likes so she decides to stop the PA of her relationship with my husband and tells him it will only be an EA. Husband is pretty pissy but agrees. He still has whore A in the picture but she is pretty busy being married but they still hook up when they can. That relationship lasted ten years.
Meanwhile husband is on the constant look out for more. He is attempting to flirt with any female that crosses his path. It is sad and pathetic and when I saw his phone contacts of all the women he had listed I made him go through each and every one of them and tell me the story. It really was quite disgusting.
So when DDay happens in 2014 he writes a letter to each and every PA whore and each EA and spills his whole story...every disgusting lecherous detail.
Whore A calls him and tells him not to worry...let the dust settle and they can continue their relationship in a little while. She loves him too much to lose him.
Whore B is furious because she has been cheated on.....
She wants answers. She wants to meet him and have him explain why he cheated on her. She said she was even happy if I came with him to the meeting...lol wtf.
After a few months of her trying to contact him he sends her a very cutting email telling her to stop contacting me (his wife ) and that he had never loved her and that he had just been using her for sex and for his own selfish needs and to never contact him again. He then......
Closed off the email account. Deleted his LinkedIn ..closed off FB. Got a new phone number.
I actually have moments where I feel a bit sorry for her.
Anyway so she writes him a messenger text late last year.......Telling him she still loves him. She hopes he is happy. She told him she has never felt so loved and wanted before in her life even though she knows now that it was possibly false. She tells him he was the best thing to have ever happened to her and that he will remain close in her heart forever. She told him she is struggling.
I read the text...I told my husband he had a text from her and he told me he did not want to read it and for me to delete it.
I deleted it.
Sooo......here is my problem.....I feel bad about feeling joy that she is struggling. I do feel joy. It makes me secretly happy.
I am not this person. I hate to find fun in others misfortunes.
I know that all the women involved with my husband are flawed and not that bright and have the moral code of a stick of wood and I do actually feel sorry for them living lives of lies and dishonesty and deceit.
Husband always had a front of integrity but this secret debauched life he had he felt he needed it to be happy. He has worked hard for the past five years and he is now the man he made out he always was. He is so much happier living without lies and selfishness. He is still working every day on being a better man. He is learning what real empathy is. He hates who he was. He will,drop everything to talk to me if I need it. I am first and foremost in everything he does. He has done everything he can think of to look at himself and to work out the why, the how and to become intellectually mature. He hates his past but he does not hide it away.
Our relationship and reconciliation will always be a work in progress but it is a positive journey and it slowly keeps getting better.
Will it survive?
Who really knows?
Is it bad of me to feel joy?
I really do not know......