Okay BSPheonix - it's getting really real now.
Anybody tells you that you should not demand a timeline done to your satisfaction, STD tests, DNA tests, a polygraph, No contact, quit a job whatever you need to have the information you need to make your decision, tell them that you don't care what they think!
This is your marriage and they can fuck right off! Tell them that too if they persist.
If they keep on persisting, if you are at their place say this is what it is and leave, there is no negotiating, or if they are at your place you throw their ass out.
You must be a rock, totally unyielding, or your wife will not respect you and she will weasel out of telling the truth.
The timeline is her "statement of truth". She will be quizzed against it on the polygraph.
You see what is going on. I would get her alone, and without telling her about the VAR, just let her know that telling people lies about you, telling people lies about her behavior, trying to recruit a bunch of people and line them up against you - NONE OF THESE WILL SAVE HER FROM THE DIVORCE HAMMER.
Let her know what divorce will look like, how you will insist on getting the maximum amount of time you can with your kids, you will only support her to the extent the court mandates
Tell her that all the people she is running to can be her new husband - see how that works out.
Let her know that you will not keep any secrets for her about her being a lying cheater, not from the children, mutual friends - nobody! She will be exposed.
Then tell her to sit her ass down and start writing the timeline, taking STD tests, etc.
Scare the shit out of her. Learn what you need to. Make the decision you need to.
None of these other people matter. She is running to them but they can't do anything to you. You have the power now. She has lies, and their power is diminishing.
P.S. I would also tell her you will Polygraph her about telling other people lies about you and her relationship. When it is time for her to make amends, she will need to admit to lying to these people about you, with you present.