SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

k41,

can you post this in the healing library????

Just re-reading but this hands down is the best advice on this board!

I had a similar experience. I found some very strong "tell tale" evidence, really got in their faces, etc.

They acted like it had ended while still not even admitting to anything. Basically they cooled their jets for a short time. Things seemed to be getting better so I decided f*ck it and went on my life in bliss...that was in March.

Come August she skips an event "to rest" and my kids wanted to leave the event early so we arrived home sooner than expected. The hood of her car was hot enough to fry eggs and she claims she had been home for over three hours....stupid me, I had let my guard down on the GPS angle.

I should have not said anything and just had her ass served right then in August, but instead like a dumb ass I continued to play their cat and mouse game for a good while after that wasting the better part of a year of my life.

great post..

makes sense...

and i feel like i am not alone...after dday i was scared of making H upset...who cares..that should be least of my concerns...!

I have read this several times. In my head I know this is brilliant, but I haven't been strong enough to follow it- YET. I know I am being used. I know he thinks he can have both of us. I just have to find my strength. I know it is in me somewhere.

Also one thing I know I would have done differently is gather more information before I confronted him. I found some text messages on his cell and just knew there must be a good explanation for them because I have never not trusted him. Of course the explanation was "We're just friends"

Bump for newbies.

I am sad there are newbies.

J

But J.,

Be glad that God put us here and now to help them......

"Sometimes you chose your trials; sometimes our trials chose us."

k9

H is out of town on business and the doubts are pouring in.

Re-reading 20/20 Hindsight to keep focussed.

Thanks K41!

^^^

katherine41

Thanks for sharing. And so true!

-t2g

bump

6. Never reveal your sources

Listen to me. Never reveal your sources. An unremorseful or foggy WS will lie to the bitter end. They will swear on their children, their parents, on the Bible, etc. Just believe in yourself and your evidence. If you are confronting the WS, don't reveal the way you got your info. If they lie, just keep repeating, "You are lying and I know it."

I like this one. That is what I did the last time I caught him in a bunch of lies. He still asks me,"How did you find out?" He's convinced I hired a private investigator. It's kind of sad that I am so good at this now. Too tiring!

SuspiciousMinds put in a VERY important one for BSs in the fog:

If you walk out, then you you need to get a place for kids to visit you, since you will not be hanging around this house evenings and weekends, pretending to yourself that hanging around on a Saturday afternoon and mowing the lawn makes up for the fact you looked for a replacement for your spouse and found one.

My STBX WH DB is STILL saying< "i can mow the lawn... put in the air conditioners... blah blah blah"

NO YOU CAN'T - I'd rather die in a pile of sweaty weeds than have you work to alleviate your guilt and spend time pretending this is still your home.

I wanted - OH SO WANTED - to believe he was doing this because he.. gasp.. cared.

NO - do NOT let yourself be suckered into this one! It's a BIGGIE!

Then, if WS had not de-fogged or was breaking NC with OP after two months, I wish I had proceeded to . . .

9. NC

I did this immediately after FWH left to live with his sister (and carry on his AP and co-worker). At this point, I still thought it was an EA. Well, one week after NC, he confessed to everything. After another 3 weeks of me not answering his calls, texts, etc, he went PSYCHO, quit his job, ended contact with OW and has been repentant and remorseful ever since. I can't and won't tolerate anything less. He's already made a fool of me by even having the A. I refuse to be a fool after knowing the whole truth.

NC either:

a) Unclouds the fog QUICK and makes WS' realize what their losing with their dicking around

b) Nothing and the WS' had never planned to change their ways anyway.

bumping for newbies (again)

Healing Library nominee!!!

... and again.

Healing Library is a MUST for this post.

One of the best I have read!!!!

Really defines what all BS's feel.

Hindsight is definitely 20/20, I wish I had this on D-day from someone who knows how it feels!!!

Great post -- just found it but I'm so glad I had been following this "plan" all along. I wouldn't take anything less than quick action to my demands (quit working with OW, and absolutely NC) and consistent remorse. He still to this day is the one that brings up our frequent long talks about the A and how sorry he is. Don't settle for anything less for yourselves!!! You are worth happiness.

misto...

I wish I could say that of my H. I still don't know if the EA became PA (as most here will attest to that is what happens and there was opportunity). And he never initiates any conversation of the affair (DDay Feb 07).

Thank you for taking time to do this for us. I am hanging on your every word before I screw up my life even worse and trust too soon...

WS seems remorseful and has agreed to be an open book so far (a few days)...are you saying that if things go well for a solid month or longer..remorse, nc, honesty etc...you would not

Out the OP to their spouse, their job, their friends, etc?

Timing is huge and I am trying to figure it out. We are working towards R, but nothing is in stone of course.