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Just Found Out :
Honey, they always affair down

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philly172 ( member #19024) posted at 5:32 AM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

Wow! just wow! so very powerful & so true in my situation..

thanks for posting

"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

posts: 4874   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2008   ·   location: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
id 4333445

messedup12/1 ( new member #26850) posted at 9:20 AM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

Thank you that was a great post!

I felt that way in the beginning as well-for a minute- but she is not as pretty, not nearly as smart and has nothing to offer my wh besides 3 kids that are not his. I had met her and talked to her and quickly decided she was trashy before any of this happened. Now i know it...and I can easily go on without WH if i choose. I will lose nothing, not my home, not my lifestyle, nothing besides him. Both of them are such broken people IMHO.

posts: 22   ·   registered: Dec. 19th, 2009
id 4333527

Illinoisgirl ( member #25686) posted at 12:19 PM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

Shortly after d-day I went to OW's work to see what she looked like. She was alright looking but nothing special. I could never quite understand why he would be willing to risk it all for her.

Now reading your post, it makes much more sense. It could have been anyone, she was just convenient. It wasn't really about her, it was something broken within him.

I'm definitely adding this one to my journal...Thank you dbb!

Married 12 years, together 18
WH - Recovering alcoholic
Me - Recovering wife
D-Day 9-27-09
3 great kids - 12, 10 & 8

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

posts: 339   ·   registered: Sep. 30th, 2009
id 4333577

loststar2500 ( member #26420) posted at 12:43 PM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

inspiring, thank you

The sun should not set upon our anger; neither should he rise upon our confidence. We should forgive freely, but forget rarely. I will not be revenged, and this I owe to my enemy; but I will remember, and this I owe to myself. - Charles Caleb Colton

posts: 88   ·   registered: Dec. 4th, 2009   ·   location: Canada
id 4333599

renee21 ( member #27088) posted at 2:01 PM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

Thank you...we all need to hear that....and yes my WH picked the desperate party girl/single mom (average looks and not the type that he could bring home to mom), the desperate somewhat chunky career girl and the younger airhead with no self esteem or backbone...none of these women were super I can attest to they don't go for the prize, they go for whoever is stupid enough to participate.....I am assuming my role at the front of the pack because I know I am a rare gem as far as a wife is concerned....Thank you again for that post....

BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.

posts: 1327   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2010   ·   location: Florida
id 4333678

Gofigure ( new member #27085) posted at 2:33 PM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

That is exactly what I told my WH. OW was someone from his job. I know her. I know that she is nothing but trash. She had no problem letting that be known. I can not tell you how many work functions that we went to (before A started), where she brought the guy that she picked up from the bar the night before. At one function her stellar date was sitting next to me, and started blowing in MY ear!! TRASH, TRASH, TRASH! WH eventually admitted that was probably why he sought her out. He knew she was easy.

I know that on my worst day, I am 1000x's better than her on her best.

Above else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

posts: 12   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2010
id 4333745

sad&scared ( member #23401) posted at 2:38 PM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

After all, she wasn't able to keep him even considering he was in a "loveless, sexless" marriage to a "cold-hearten woman."

This is just what I needed today...true my sneaky H kept sneaking back but he is still here (for now)!

posts: 654   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2009
id 4333752

ohsolost ( member #10330) posted at 2:45 PM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

This is very good, and I wish I had read it after the first DDay. Later I found out that OW1 preyed on married men, she was older and not very attractive. But she had been "abused" and it was x's responsibility to save her.

Enter OW2, she was also "abused" and weak. xWH even cheated on HER, but they are still together, because she didn't let him go, and he probably looks at her as being the brave one who rode through his'll happen again...and I don't have to worry about it!

BS-me 41 WH-him 45
Married 20 yrs, together 22 yrs
3 beautiful kids 16, 13, 9
DDay 4/5/06
DDay#2 12/3/07(OW#2)
Filed D 6/1/09
D final 11/3/09
9/10/11 Dating and enjoying life
4/7/12 Been with Fireman 7 months and going strong :~)

posts: 2861   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2006   ·   location: Idaho
id 4333772

BigTexN ( member #24414) posted at 2:56 PM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

The point of this thread is something that you do not get. That many, if not all betrayed spouses (although this was in support of betrayed wives) take such a hit to their self esteem, as they question if their husband would have not strayed if they had only been prettier, thinner, sexier, smarter, taller, bigger boobs, whatever. We wrestle with those thoughts almost to the point of self destruction.

DB, as a BH, I can tell you that I experienced some of these same insecurities myself but from a male standpoint.

I questioned my looks but, most of all, I questioned my status as a good provider to my family. If my business hadn't turned down, would she have wandered? If I had so much money in reserve that we weren't hurt when she lost her job, might she have stayed true?

But, the truth that I discovered about each of the OM in my situation was that they were worse off financially than me. A couple of them were mortgage brokers for Countrywide...the mortgage company that was a catalyst for the crisis we are in.

BW and BH have the same types of questions about themselves...just from different core gender perspectives.

BS(me) - 42
WS(her) - 37
A - Over 9mos, 20 OM total
M - 4.5 yrs May 5th
OM - 20 men over 9mos 3 are married. 8 were old HS friends, 1 a friend of her ex-husband, 10 former coworkers and 1 she met in a bar
D-day - May 18, 2009
Children - 1 w

posts: 66   ·   registered: Jun. 15th, 2009   ·   location: The Woodlands, TX
id 4333800

Caston ( member #26175) posted at 3:14 PM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

I absolutely love this....I have loved it since the first time I read it and printed it out. It is more than accurate in my situation with all four ow. I have even thought about mailing to the other women just to make sure they knew where they stood, but I think they already know.


BS (me) - 33
WH (him) - 31
Married 11 Years
1S and 1D
DDay - 8/31/09

posts: 59   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2009   ·   location: AZ
id 4333849

wewillsurvive ( member #26778) posted at 3:36 PM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

Thank you. I really needed this today. It has made my day brighter seeing it worded this way

Him FWH-31
Married 9yrs together 11
3 beautiful girls
D-Day 4-29-09
Ring since 4-30-2009

Sometimes I don't think we realize what we have in life till its gone, almost gone, or someone tries to take it from us.

posts: 70   ·   registered: Dec. 16th, 2009   ·   location: CO
id 4333906

m334455 ( member #26893) posted at 5:21 PM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

Yep, I noticed this too. I know OW and I also know I'm the better pick. In fact, me and two of my friends keep saying it would serve him right to get stuck with her.

My WH OW is married to, and I'd say my WH is "affairing down" for her too. Her husband is awesome. Believe me, I wish feelings and love didn't work quite the way they do, because her BH and I would probably be better off if we all just played musical spouses, LOL.

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

posts: 4034   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2009
id 4334250

ichoose2live ( member #10479) posted at 7:15 PM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

WOW! You are spot on with everything you said dbb! I think we all need to print this out and read it when we start to doubt ourselves and have self esteem issues. Thank you for your great insights.

"Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear." unknown

posts: 437   ·   registered: Apr. 22nd, 2006   ·   location: Paradise Lost!
id 4334583

italianfireball ( member #25432) posted at 7:23 PM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

I'm bookmarking this post!

Thank you!

You made me feel like the beautiful, awesome, strong, empowered woman that I knew I was before this affair

BS/(me) 39
WH/(alphadon1) 42
Dday 8/18/09
DD 18,13
DS 10
I have 2 adult sons from a previous M.

together 15 married 11
‎"Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see the pain someone feels

posts: 311   ·   registered: Sep. 5th, 2009   ·   location: Jacksonville FL
id 4334609

jdptx ( member #26395) posted at 8:02 PM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

This is the 2nd time I've read this and it's like reading it for the first time. I definitely need to read this more often.

But why do I feel the urge to send it to OW? I won't, of course, but it would be nice for me to let her know what she really is! Thanks for bumping!

BW - 38
WH - 43
D Day 11/25/09
Together 5 Married 2
Lord be with me, Trying to R
Beautiful Baby Girl with H
Amazing 15 year old boy

"Not every saint is a fool." - Poe

posts: 85   ·   registered: Dec. 2nd, 2009   ·   location: Texas
id 4334732

Jen ( member #26584) posted at 12:00 AM on Saturday, January 9th, 2010


Me former Booger Bear ...
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
Love Falls by HellYeah

posts: 19991   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Where's the fucking rainbow ???
id 4337702

Jen ( member #26584) posted at 7:09 PM on Saturday, January 9th, 2010


Me former Booger Bear ...
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
Love Falls by HellYeah

posts: 19991   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Where's the fucking rainbow ???
id 4338988

foreverchangedwi ( member #15368) posted at 3:46 PM on Sunday, January 10th, 2010

yeah but what if they don't leave her, and they leave you....what does that say about the BW.

No one deserves to be cheated on. That is NOT how you handle issues or how to end a relationship. That said, people don't always do the right thing, behave the right way.

Some WS's leave because they feel so ashamed and KNOW they don't deserve us. Some leave because they are too lazy (hence the cheating) to work on the marriage, and sadly, some leave because they fall in love with someone else.

As bad as it hurts, who would want someone that wasn't committed to them! I know I wouldn't.

If your WS/SO leaves you for the OW/OM, know that they will never trust each other completely. And that's something to about.


The measure of a person is not based upon the words that they speak, but upon the choices that they make- {Borrowed from lieshurt}

posts: 1557   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2007   ·   location: Florida
id 4340203

loststar2500 ( member #26420) posted at 10:54 PM on Sunday, January 10th, 2010

so true on every level. I read everyday and copied it to my journal. A great pick me up when you are feeling down. In my case also it was a very trashy woman. The act happened in the back of a vehicle with my H and ow, he should have just paid her. Only whores or hookers work from the back of a vehicle. I also feel sorry for this OW. I mean how low can your self esteem be to go after a married man and then screw him in the back of a vehicle. I now know after many weeks of being heartbroken about this that on my worst days I am a million times better than that piece of trash.

The sun should not set upon our anger; neither should he rise upon our confidence. We should forgive freely, but forget rarely. I will not be revenged, and this I owe to my enemy; but I will remember, and this I owe to myself. - Charles Caleb Colton

posts: 88   ·   registered: Dec. 4th, 2009   ·   location: Canada
id 4340718

devastatedmomof2 ( member #27119) posted at 10:59 PM on Sunday, January 10th, 2010

Wow! Is this ever powerful. Thank you for this much needed wake up call. Every word of it is true!

Me - BS - 40
Him - WH - 43
Married 17 yrs.
2 sons - 8 and 4
Dday#1 - 06/03/06 - EA and PA with coworker
D-week#2(TT) - 12/28/09-01/01/10 -A2 with same coworker
Dday#3 2/16/10 - found out about EA/kisses with different coworker in 2001

posts: 192   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2010   ·   location: North Carolina
id 4340722
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