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Newest Member: Isabel121

Just Found Out :
Honey, they always affair down

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fumotheroftwo ( member #25815) posted at 2:48 PM on Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

Because this deserves to be on the very top and first page.....

Me BS : 46 yrs old
Him WS: 47 yrs old
Married: 20 yrs
2 children ages 16 & 12
D Day 8/29/2009
Currently on R but struggling.

posts: 95   ·   registered: Oct. 12th, 2009
id 4344211
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ladystyx41 ( new member #27066) posted at 3:14 PM on Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

This is my first post & after reading your post, deathbybetrayal you have made my day! This is soooo true. The OW in my situation tried to make me feel like the low esteem, heartless, manipulative, (insert any negative adjective you can imagine)person. In the past year she has lost custody of her child over this, lost her rented house (that both her & WS signed lease on), tried to commit suicide 3 times, has done everything in her power to make me look & feel horrible. Ironically after reading your post I honestly believe she was feeling this way about herself & used me as the scapegoat for the horrible feelings she felt about herself! Yuk one messed up scanky, broad!

[This message edited by ladystyx41 at 9:34 AM, January 12th (Tuesday)]

BS 47
WS 49
married 25 years
EA 1998(WS doesnt admit it was A)
EMA 2004 or 2005 to ?
possible other A
Actual D-day Dec. 2008
Still confused on what to do!

posts: 34   ·   registered: Jan. 5th, 2010   ·   location: missouri
id 4344273
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WheredoIgonow ( member #27130) posted at 4:21 PM on Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

You are right own. It was devasting when I found out. My usual high self esteem was shattered.

The more I found out - the more I see what you said. She was on her third divorce when she sunk her claws in desparation into my WH - and he ate it up. She was pressuring him to move in with her after just 4 months. He almost did.

What kind of person would pressure a married man of 25 years with young children - after just 4 months?? Oh yeah, the low end of the weak minded. A broken thrice-divorced woman. Wow.

He's learning now too - that maybe she wasn't so great.

Thank you.

Me; BS (60)
Him: WS (62)
Married 35 years
DD-32, DS-30, DS-22, DS-20
OW#1 - PA - 2 1/2 years.
OW#2 - EA/PA - 7 months - then he got caught.

posts: 689   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2010
id 4344466
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Illinoisgirl ( member #25686) posted at 12:07 PM on Thursday, January 14th, 2010

bump

Married 12 years, together 18
WH - Recovering alcoholic
Me - Recovering wife
Reconciling?
D-Day 9-27-09
3 great kids - 12, 10 & 8

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

posts: 339   ·   registered: Sep. 30th, 2009
id 4348695
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StunnedNShocked ( member #26987) posted at 2:11 PM on Thursday, January 14th, 2010

bumped again

BS (me) 40
WS 38
DDay 11/27/09
Wading deep into the R waters and feeling relieved the roller coaster seems to have evened out some.

posts: 492   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2009
id 4348857
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acalsup ( member #26748) posted at 3:46 PM on Thursday, January 14th, 2010

Married OM was 18 years older than me. WW wasn't physically attracted, but he fed her ego and she let him. she had a PA in hopes finding the physical attraction, she was addicted to the EA and thought if the EA was so good, the PA would be too. WW traded down many levels, like so many others on this board.

Me (H, BS) 39
W 38
Together 20 years
Married 15 years
D 10 yrs
EA started 12/07
EA firm 9/08
PA 11/08 – 12/08
D-Day 2/15/09
Second D-day on untruths 8/15/09

posts: 62   ·   registered: Dec. 16th, 2009
id 4349112
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Tryin2010 ( member #27216) posted at 6:55 AM on Sunday, January 17th, 2010

Thank you so much for this - I printed it, and all the replies to date. You have no idea how much this post helped me! And yes, she is younger, but no where nicer looking about 75lbs more than me, extremely needy, a slut (she meets men in parking lots off of the internet - where she found my H) and all in all trash. And yes, he admitted it was an ego boost to him, but how much of an ego boost can it be or has he just not realized that he chose the bottom of the heap? I hope he will come to realize it soon, he is back here, and has had NC even though she's been trying all kinds of ways - and even through his family. He says he tries to think of the 'bad stuff' but he wishes he would have left at a low point instead of things going 'fine' how could they have been going fine? He lived with her 3 months, complained that she wasn't smart, had no mind of her own, would even say when they went out to eat, she'd always have what ever he was having, watched stupid tv shows that bored him to tears and in those 3 months, walked out on her 4 times and threatened more than that. So why is he so defensive about her? He says because he takes it as an insult that "HIS CHOICE" was not a good one. He didn't even ask her to move in with him, she tossed her kids, pets and home and just did it. The same way she abandoned her life to drive an hour to take her clothes off and 'do' him at the drop of a hat or less several times a week. I don't get it. And with all she is putting me through with tampering with things to drive me crazy, and keep in touch with his relatives, he trys to tell me 'try to understand' she's probably hurt and not real smart.... UGH!! Makes me crazy!!!!!!!!! And he wishes under different circumstances we all could have been friends!!???? OH PULEEEEEZEE

Mom of 5 - yours mine and ours
Together 16 years
His A 9 months before I found out on 5/09 and locked him out
Reconciliation 9/09
Still 'Tryin' to move on
Therapy weekly!

posts: 113   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2010   ·   location: New York
id 4354930
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Ketta ( member #26744) posted at 7:05 AM on Sunday, January 17th, 2010

That was beautiful DB!

Thank you, for making one of those bad days, not feel so bad.

BS=Me (27)
WS=Him (25)
M 3 yrs, 2 kids
Multiple EA's
1 known PA??
D Day 9/13/09
Working on R, but still not sure.

posts: 100   ·   registered: Dec. 16th, 2009   ·   location: The South
id 4354939
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wiserinsocal ( member #18487) posted at 7:20 AM on Sunday, January 17th, 2010

Please add to this thread one very simple thought...It happens to be the WW who fits this bill as well...many a BH here who feel very much the same way when turned around.

Peace to ALL here who seek it.

W

"It's the intangibles that are fragile"- WiserinSoCal

"The Main things are the plain things, and the Plain things are the main things" - Alistair Begg

Every one needs to believe in something, or they will fall for anything...

posts: 1804   ·   registered: Mar. 6th, 2008
id 4354945
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 deathbybetrayal (original poster member #22478) posted at 5:47 PM on Sunday, January 17th, 2010

Oh wiser - I know it's so often true with either sex.

There are just so many BW's here - guess I tend to relate a little more to their pain. But, it has to be just as disgusting and disheartening for a BH to see how low their WW will go in order to make themselves "feel better."

Courage and strength to all BSs today!

DBB

Married 10 years at DDay
Me: 53 Him: 52 - Desperately trying to unfuck the donkey.
DDay: July 16, 2008
FWH Epiphany: Aug.23, 2008 NC: Aug. 28, 2008

posts: 5624   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2009
id 4355323
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quirkina ( member #22119) posted at 4:56 AM on Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

Agree....My IC said "well water finds its own level--and maybe he has found his.

OW is a "dancer" who gives her phone number out to married men with KISA issues and then has to listen to them whine to her 24/7 while she pumps up their pathetic egos. My fantasy is to watch my WH face when he finds out that he is not her only.

posts: 402   ·   registered: Dec. 21st, 2008
id 4358309
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Plum ( new member #27283) posted at 10:21 AM on Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

This is my first post. I read this and I dont feel any better.

Reason: Why should be have to belittle the OW when we should never have been cheated on...

[This message edited by Plum at 9:05 AM, January 20th (Wednesday)]

BS: Me (33)
WS: Him (33)
M: 7 years, 3 kids
EA: 2006 - 2010
DDay: 7 January 2010
OW: Whore co-worker
Reconciling: 22 Jan '10

posts: 33   ·   registered: Jan. 19th, 2010   ·   location: South Africa
id 4358492
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newyear ( member #22713) posted at 1:59 PM on Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

deathbybetrayal:

Thanks for that post. That makes me feel better.

My FWH used the same prostitute during his overseas business trips. A 30 year younger person than me. That really hurts.

I still wonder why WS would do such things to the ones they love??

Have a beautiful day.

WH 62--hired the same prostitute during his overseas business trips to Shanghai, China in 6/08 & 12/08
BW 59
M 38 yr
2 daughters 29 & 27--Both are M
DDay 7/08--Took him 6 months to defogged and admitted the A
12/08 --Working very hard on the R

posts: 1555   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: Midwest
id 4358650
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courage17 ( new member #27171) posted at 2:19 PM on Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

OH MY! wow! this is brilliant. OW here is oh my gosh - low. deals drugs- gave my H pills- looks? im not a beauty queen but next to her- i am. OW is how i found out. he threatened to turn her in to police for tellin. i needed this too! thank you!

WH 38
BW 34
M 3 yrs together 6
Dday EA Aug 12 2009
Dday PA Nov 7 2009
If the one that loves you is not supportive of who you are, what you need, and helping you heal from damage they did, then where is the love?

posts: 46   ·   registered: Jan. 12th, 2010   ·   location: TN
id 4358697
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courage17 ( new member #27171) posted at 2:20 PM on Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

OH MY! wow! this is brilliant. OW here is oh my gosh - low. deals drugs- gave my H pills- looks? im not a beauty queen but next to her- i am. OW is how i found out. he threatened to turn her in to police for tellin. i needed this too! thank you!

WH 38
BW 34
M 3 yrs together 6
Dday EA Aug 12 2009
Dday PA Nov 7 2009
If the one that loves you is not supportive of who you are, what you need, and helping you heal from damage they did, then where is the love?

posts: 46   ·   registered: Jan. 12th, 2010   ·   location: TN
id 4358699
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Amandilla ( member #20347) posted at 3:07 PM on Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

Thanks! I copied that to a word to save for my files! Im considering sending it to OW!

Me: BW:47
HIM:WS:39 in treatment for SA
Married 16 years
several ONS
internet flirting
1 year long distance E/PA
1 beautiful son
DD1 7/14/08 False R
DD2 8/9/08 OW exposed False R which ended A. Thanks Jen!
Our new love story in progress

posts: 503   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2008   ·   location: East Coast
id 4358813
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timewilltellUK ( member #21760) posted at 2:18 PM on Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Bumping this one up for painpaingoaway!

Me - BS 36
Him - WS 35
D-Day 23rd October 2008
Together 7 years
DD 1 - 12
DD 2 - 5



The Truth Hurts and Lies Worse
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much. I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay. - James Morrison

posts: 228   ·   registered: Nov. 23rd, 2008   ·   location: timewilltellUK
id 4361281
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TwistedUp ( member #27294) posted at 2:38 PM on Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

I needed to read/hear this desperately.

Thank you very much for taking the time to break it down. Though I know you are right, it's tough to remember.

Love & Light to all.

Me: 37
fWH: 39- Almost a ONS, but I caught him red-handed.
D-Day: July 2009.
In active and so far successful R.

posts: 114   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2010
id 4361321
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appleofmyeyes ( member #25708) posted at 9:23 PM on Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Thank you....better then my IC, gosh I guess I need a new one

One was more successful and younger then me, one was better at sex then me, one was prettier then me.

He is still here with his tail between his legs.

posts: 74   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2009   ·   location: OC
id 4362264
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sullymeishadomi ( member #16305) posted at 9:32 PM on Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

You know....even tho my wh is finished with her (I think I finally have that confirmation), I truely want to take Deathbybetrayal's original post and a)send it to his xwhore and b) publish it in the local paper dedicated to all involved (to give strength to bs's; explain to ow what their realities are; ws...you're damd lucky to have us....

My husband....well, he says the stupidest crap sometimes. Or he will try and compliment me and it comes out like pure crap, but he said the other night (and a few times before) that if she is so much better than I, then why is he here? Like DBB wrote, she might be thinner and have a better body (I turned into Orca...ooopps here comes the fisher man with his harpoon ....sorry, if I can't laugh at myself, then life is too sour) but she couldn't keep him. NOt with her money, her illicet photos and videos (which she did out of luv ), her fake generosity (bbf's mom even warned me it was fake)...she just couldn't keep him. Or if it was she who dumped him, she couldn't have him all to herself. Either way, she wasn't woman enough.

Time to be my own bff.

posts: 9311   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2007   ·   location: NJ
id 4362281
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