Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: recoveringTTer

Just Found Out :
Honey, they always affair down

This Topic is Archived
default

flo rida ( new member #26441) posted at 5:47 PM on Sunday, December 6th, 2009

Girl, I stayed home from church today and received the best sermon from you I have ever heard. Thank you and God bless you.

posts: 1   ·   registered: Dec. 6th, 2009
id 4271147
default

Thinking hurts ( member #20902) posted at 5:56 PM on Sunday, December 6th, 2009

Thanks for the post and thanks for the bump. I have been feeling down lately and don't really know why, just consumed by thoughts of the OW even though things are going great with my FWH. I will keep this and reread it often. It really does fit our situation and I need to remind myself of that. I am the one he chose and he really did throw her under the bus. This post is also helpful for those of us who are still trying to R after a year. Thanks so much.

Me: BS 56, FWH 54
M: 16 years
1 child - 12 y.o boy
DDay: 08/04/08
2nd DDay: 08/15/08 (our anniversary!)
3rd DDay: 9/12/08
In R and steadily getting better.


Happiness is found along the way, not at the end of the road.

posts: 338   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2008   ·   location: Co
id 4271156
default

Edie ( member #26133) posted at 9:30 PM on Sunday, December 6th, 2009

So what happens when we catch him with her? Most often he leaves her where he found her, at the end of the row, at the back of the pack – even weaker and more injured than when he found her. She’s worse for the wear. Trust me, it is her self-esteem that is eroded, not ours. After all, she wasn't able to keep him ..how pathetic that she's given the answer to the test, gave it her all, and she still failed? Self-esteem erosion 101.

I find it sad that I am relishing a further loss of esteem in another woman. But I do - she imagined herself so special that she could make up for loss of me, his children, his friends, his life. I cannot fathom the dichotomous lack of self-esteem, and arrogance in being a predatory OW; but I can imagine the come-uppance of the rejection, and the fighting off of reality with fantastical and desperate self- delusion, the indignity of fishing trips...it's really sad ...

BUT

And it's grand. Just grand.

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6398   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 4271372
default

JustKeepSwimmig ( member #19269) posted at 9:46 PM on Sunday, December 6th, 2009

Thank you for you post DB! Of course I wish I had read that when I first arrived here. But it is just as good now.

Mr. JKS - EA/PA
DDay - April 2008

posts: 2144   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 4271387
default

Thinking hurts ( member #20902) posted at 3:31 AM on Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

I love your wording Edie. It is a quotable quote.

Me: BS 56, FWH 54
M: 16 years
1 child - 12 y.o boy
DDay: 08/04/08
2nd DDay: 08/15/08 (our anniversary!)
3rd DDay: 9/12/08
In R and steadily getting better.


Happiness is found along the way, not at the end of the road.

posts: 338   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2008   ·   location: Co
id 4275965
default

NeverForget ( member #26311) posted at 4:26 AM on Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

Thank You!!!

I Love This

BUMP

BS, Me, 43
WH, 43
Married 14yrs, Together 19yrs
D-day #1 May 25, 2009
D-day #2 June 21, 2009
11 yr old Son
23 yr old Step Daughter
In Recovery

posts: 235   ·   registered: Nov. 25th, 2009   ·   location: The South
id 4276065
default

million tears ( member #24416) posted at 4:27 AM on Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

I read this almost every day. I so appreciate the poster.

posts: 1677   ·   registered: Jun. 15th, 2009
id 4276066
default

4honeys ( new member #26452) posted at 4:52 AM on Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

THANK YOU!!! Incredible, you hit it straight on. Every newbie needs to read right away. Should be the home page!!!!! Imediately made me feel better.

Thanks for the HELL YAH!

There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.
- Elie Wiesel

BS-35
WS-37
4 kids: 2,3,7 and 14
D-Day 12-05-09

beginning R

posts: 15   ·   registered: Dec. 7th, 2009   ·   location: Arizona
id 4276099
default

Hurting_Truth ( member #23587) posted at 4:58 AM on Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

Ive seen this throughout the years. My uncle, my brother.

I was very young when my uncle left his wonderful wife for a much younger women. But that women wasnt a fraction of his first wife. I was a child and could see the difference.

It is an allusion something like dumbing down on school testing and saying everyone has gotten smarter at test time. Base acceptance standards are lowered so a person can "feel good" about recieving something less than the best.

I watched my brother go through four wives. The first was the best and the last was the worst.

[This message edited by Hurting_Truth at 11:02 PM, December 8th (Tuesday)]

Freedom is just another word for - Nothing Left to Lose..borrowed from yewtree
mstbx has already given everything away there is nothing left for me to lose.

posts: 278   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2009   ·   location: Midwest
id 4276104
default

beajus ( member #21386) posted at 6:21 AM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

Bump for the new people

me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

posts: 1396   ·   registered: Oct. 26th, 2008   ·   location: NE iowa
id 4287949
frustrated

Jen ( member #26584) posted at 7:31 AM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

That is a wonderful statment .. right up tp the part where he chooses me instead of her.

What happens what do you say when he chooses her ... not me ?

That is my story I fought and am still fighting best I can without being desperate and needy, but he still claims love for her ...

Me former Booger Bear ...
https://youtu.be/1TcLw3TOIN8
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
https://youtu.be/iFdOAyyn76M
Love Falls by HellYeah

posts: 19991   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Where's the fucking rainbow ???
id 4288000
default

tornandtormented ( new member #26660) posted at 8:10 AM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

Thank you so much that is exactly the pick me up I needed. Maybe I will get a few hours of sleep tonight after all... the betrayal is only 2 week sold & I am by no means out of the woods yet. Thank you for you insight.

me: BW (35)
him:WH (35)

married 13 years
D-Day: dec 2009

posts: 21   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2009
id 4288021
default

lemony.2008 ( member #20125) posted at 8:48 AM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

Thanks so much DBB!

The insecure WH, wanting to feel strong and powerful, scans the herd for the easiest to kill. The self assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as those women want nothing to do with a married man. Our wayward husbands, needy and looking for someone to boost his ego, must look for someone beneath them, someone who will look up to him, someone who will make him feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch?

Yup...couldn't possibly agree more. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us!

Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron

posts: 2243   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 4288030
default

Inaturmoil ( member #22526) posted at 11:28 AM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

I never forget th day i contacted her and the first thing she said to me was "It was him he contacted me" As if she had nothing to do with it!

Stepping down to a weak blameshifter is true in my case.

I thank you for this post as i have used over a year trying to figure out why WH's stay with their BS.

This is definately a good reason, they know that if they go then the chances of returning are reduced. They don't dare take that chance.

You are so right these WS's do have an element of weakness. Thinking it was so brave to betray gave them a kick, watching the BS in pain gave them power. Their conscience gave them hell.

Put them into reconcilliation which for many can only be described as purgatory.

Yes, we win but we also have to clean up the mess they left behind. That takes true strength and a whole bucket full of real love.

posts: 362   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 4288084
default

Inaturmoil ( member #22526) posted at 11:28 AM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

I never forget th day i contacted her and the first thing she said to me was "It was him he contacted me" As if she had nothing to do with it!

Stepping down to a weak blameshifter is true in my case.

I thank you for this post as i have used over a year trying to figure out why WH's stay with their BS.

This is definately a good reason, they know that if they go then the chances of returning are reduced. They don't dare take that chance.

You are so right these WS's do have an element of weakness. Thinking it was so brave to betray gave them a kick, watching the BS in pain gave them power. Their conscience gave them hell.

Put them into reconcilliation which for many can only be described as purgatory.

Yes, we win but we also have to clean up the mess they left behind. That takes true strength and a whole bucket full of real love.

posts: 362   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 4288085
default

moonchild53 ( member #26620) posted at 11:47 AM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

Wow, this is so true! The woman my SO fooled around with is trashy, not even pretty, I found her on Facebook and on another website she created, she's horrible! I asked him why would he even allow such a woman to touch him and he couldn't answer. I also insisted he get tested for stds right away, because judging from her website she gets around!

I suppose there is comfort in the fact that we are all the stronger, more beautiful/handsome ones! It still hurts though!

posts: 187   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2009
id 4288096
default

Postpartum Pain ( member #26524) posted at 2:06 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

Just wanted to say thank you to DBB. I'm only 5 days post DDay and while this made me sob, I needed to hear it. Thank you. Also, I *LOVE* your siggy

BW-33(me) WH-37(him)
3 amazing children- 15yoDS, 10yoDS, 7yoDD
Together 18Y; Married 12Y
DDay#1- 12/10/09- 3 month EA/PA with our banker.
DDay#2 1/4/10- earlier 3 month EA OW#2
Possible DD#3- 12/24/14 Random letter from some unknown mistress
R

posts: 173   ·   registered: Dec. 13th, 2009   ·   location: State of Confusion
id 4288236
default

lookslikeaduck ( member #12103) posted at 4:18 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

bump

BS oct 2009 ..... never make someone your priority if they only make you a option

posts: 374   ·   registered: Sep. 20th, 2006
id 4288557
default

beajus ( member #21386) posted at 4:06 AM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

Bump :)

me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

posts: 1396   ·   registered: Oct. 26th, 2008   ·   location: NE iowa
id 4333353
default

btrayedbyhim ( member #26941) posted at 4:20 AM on Thursday, January 7th, 2010

You know...I wondered why my WH went for a fat (she weighs 100 pounds more than me according to her BH), lazy (she does nothing all day but ignore her children and post on FB, etc.), psycho (she lives in internet fantasy land), ambitiousless (she never had a job-I have my own company) skanky MOW. I actually worried "what does she have that I don't"?

NOTHING!

GREAT POST! Almost makes you feel sorry for her...NOT!!!!!!!!!!!

As of Dec 2009:
Me: BS46
Him: FWH39 - NPD
Married: 20+ years
Kids: 3
D-Day: 9-28-09
Spent 4 yrs trying. He blew it.
Arrested for DV: 9-6-13
Fuck Him

posts: 397   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2009   ·   location: an island at the beach (aka heaven)
id 4333380
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20220428 2002-2022 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy