SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks Edie. It's been a tough night. WH called me at 3 am my time (4am for him) to tell me that he was thinking about me and wanted me to know he loved me. That was good. And your responding is very good. Thank you.

Used Up, so glad your husband 'woke' you up for that reason.

needed this now - thank you

Then: OM is 9 years younger than me and skinnier. I was told by his GF that I was more attractive. OM drank quite a bit. I threatened to beat him down once. He was being verbally abusive to girlfriend. My XW knew that he was abusive. She and girlfriend were friends. We both owned farms, I lost mine. OM and I were friends and he kept all of our associated friends. Tells you what a great group I was running with.

Now: I dropped 50lbs in the first year after DD. I have maintained the weight loss for two yaers. I have younger women asking me out and hitting on me. I have more "real" friends than I have ever had. I have an open calender and get to do a lot of fun things. My daughter lives with me. I don't miss my farm and enjoy my life. OM gained at least 30lbs. His farm lost 100K last year. He got WW knocked up and had shot gun wedding. They can't afford a decent car. XW used to drive new Ram PU(mine). Now a 92 sentra that smells like crap. His drinking has gotten worse. His extended family has fallen away from one another. Best part; he is married to another man's wife (mine). She is miserable and in the back of his mind he knows he can't trust her. They have built a castle in the sand and the tide is rising.

bump...this is a GOOD one! Enjoy!!!

I am a total mess. Found out my husband had been having an affair for 6months. The woman was our realtor! We spent months w/her! My husband used 2 say negative things about her appearance. It bothered me that he noticed n the 1st place. Well I guess he was full of crap and found her flat butt very appealing. She is 45. He is 32. I am 33. I am so jealous of this whore even though I know I'm a better person than her and a 100x's more attractive. What makes me jealous is that she had my husband a screwed him for 3mo. And that my husband wanted her! I hate it! He says she wasn't better than me in anyway that he didn't love her. That he was just hiding from all our problems! We have been married for 13yrs! 2gether for 16yrs.! I have only been w/him! All during his affair he kept telling me he loved me and I was the only one! Bull shit! I feel so betrayed!his whore wasn't younger than me or more attractive! She was a whore and would do things I wouldn't and her old skanky a%# stroked his ego! It kills me becz she new me my children! My H says she was jealous of me! I would have been more than jealous if I had known he was screwing the whore!I confronted her. Sttod face to face. Looking her up and down. I know she enjoyed the fact that he had chosen her over me even for a moment! Even though he used her like a toilet. A quickie n a parking lot and came home to me. He never took her to a movie or dinner just screwed her in his car or hers. Its killing me though! His guilt got to him! His conscience he ended it w/her! Reminded her in her jealous anger that she was still screwing her husband too! He told her he couldn't keep doing it that it was over. For a month she tried 2 get him! That's how I found out! Saw a text on cell saying I knew u were never going 2 leave(my name)! When I confronted her she told me she has been in marriage counceling her husband had cheated on her! Like it was supposed 2 make me feel better! She turned around and did it to me! Tried to still my husband! He gave him self to her! In the end she was old and used up and had nothing he wanted or that was worth leaving me for! I have known for 6weeks and everday feels worse! Seeing pix on his cell of him and her kissing repays in my mind daily! Its killing my self esteem that he would do it and do it w/ a woman older and less attractive!

bump

sunflowergirl30,

Welcome. If you start your own thread in JFO you will get the support you need.

Just go down to the bottom of the page and click "post new topic"

Yes, sunflower girl, post a thread so you can get more help. Sundays are slow.

It does sound like your husband really affaired down, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Sounds like he is willing to do things to help you recover. That is good. But it will still take a long time to get over his betrayal.

Does he give you are reason he thought it was okay to betray his vows and take a chance on losing his family?

I am not sure how I feel about this thread. Yes, anyone who cheats is broken in some way and not a good candidate, single or married, but I don't know if would say affair down in other aspects. My FIL divorced my MIL 30 some years ago. He married his OW. He just died a few days ago and the testimonials were all about how much he and OW meant to each other all these years and how happy they were together. My MIL on the other hand, remarried 3 times, is grouchy and self centered and a hard person to be around. Of course, he should have left the marriage, then pursued her, absolutely, but did he affair down? That is the question, I guess. I had a friend years ago who left her H for the OM. She was not happy and her husband, while an attractive man, was not a great person. He was controlling and mean to her. She has been living happily married to him for 25 years.

I haven't read all the posts and the different perceptives on this on this posts, so forgive me if I say I am not sure I agree wholeheartedly with this concept. Affairing down maybe in respect to actions that there is not excuse for in breaking vows, devastating others lives, etc. but physical appearance and other qualities? Not sure I can say that.

I needed to hear this. Boy did I ever. I'm not sure I'll hear this from my husband, I wonder if that's how he thinks. I've flat out said, I am a better person than her, and he agreed, but I wonder if he truly thinks that. I'm afraid to ask.

But, *I* know that I am a better person. I KNOW it. She's nothing... never will be.

(((DBB))) many thanks.

My PA DDay was just yesterday. This describes Skankopotamus to a T. Going to send it or read it to WH. He has already told me some of those things.

One of the reasons that up until this point I have not wanted to see what OW looks like. I at least know I sound much better on the phone than she does. LOL.

I'm 100% positive he did affair down but that's my situation only. I would tend to agree that not all do.

I live in a large house in a nice neighbourhood - she lives in a one room appartment with STBXWH - they have to sleep on the couch.

I went to college - she dropped out of High School.

I work for Government - she works evenings cooking fries in a roadside "Shack"

She can barely speak any language that STBXWH speaks...maybe when that improves and she can make out what he is saying she will understand what a load of junk he talks...

It's been awhile since I read this thread and I go back every so often for a pick me up... mainly when I start doubting my value as a person.

It's true, maybe ones own WS doesn't always affair down... but SOMEBODY usually does. The him or the her in the relationship is willing to trash another person's life for their own "benefit"...

While we each truly do have to seek a life we can be happy in, when a person can knowingly, willingly, deliberately hurt someone they once "loved"... and have an affair; continue an affair; choose an affair...

They are affairing THEMSELVES DOWN.

There are exceptions, of course. Some affair couples may build an admirable life together, but I would tend to think they were wronged long before they were attracted to anyone else.

In the end, the true nature of each individual will come out, for better or for worse.

my h said it was the fact that she was available. that she wanted him...that he felt like i didnt want him..i didnt want him when he was being a jerk! DUH! he was being selfish and self absorbed but she did want him and was willing to take that f'd up side of hime i would not.! i was available to him but i wouldnt accept his bull shit and she would! she would becuz they only lived in their fantasy world. she didnt really know him! u cant really know someone through texts or emails or hooking up for a quickie in a car. they spent hours talking and siting in cars talking but they lied to each-other about themselves about their lives about their true intentions!she is a whore who cheated on her h with my h! who thru tantrums becuz i would not disapear. becuz she new my H was full of crap but she thought if she kept screwing him he would stop caring for me and be with her!though i love my H he is a liar and a pig! she wanted my H was jealous of me.she couldnt have handled being in a real relationship with my H though! this woman who knew me and claimed she would never do anything with my husband. she is like 12 to 13 years older than my husband and myself! heavier than me her skin is aged from tanning. the only thing she has that i dont is large breast. she looks ever bit of her 45yrs.she is not ugly. but standing toe to toe face to face w/her i know i am more attractive. i have a better figure. my H ended w/her not bcuz of looks but becuz he didnt want to spend his life w/her wasnt in love w/her.couldnt see himself w/ someone who would lie and cheat. even though he knows he is a liar and a cheater.he tells me he is w/me not her and thats whats important but to me the fact that he could and was with her at all eats at me. once the damage is done....its like this open sore festering. no she wasnt better than me in anyway infact less than me becuz she has no self respect. when i told her she is a whore she looked me in the eye and said yes i am and i'm sorry. at that moment she was so pathetic to me. to think when i met her i had looked up to her. she wanted my H and envied me. sick! its sick! they are sick! i will never understand it.

Hi

I haven't read all of this topic so maybe someone has already said this but it's probly worth repeating. They ALWAYS affair down because the person our WSs are with is less than us. We are faithful and trying to make our marriages work. They are theives and totally lacking in morals. They have no integrity or dignity. It's not what they look like that counts but the types of people they are. Which is TRASH

bump for newbies

I cannot believe I have been here at SI for so long and am just now seeing this thread. CRAZY.

I struggle because I do not know any of the OW. I don't know how I 'stack' up in the looks department or personality department or career success department. I can only imagine--and, of course, I am thinking Cindy Crawford-Meg Whitman hybrid here...but all the external really doesn't matter. If these women were low enough to do it with a married man, I AM BETTER. No matter how much I weigh or how many wrinkles I have.