SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Turns out she told him i called her twice and he apologized to her and told her never to answer the phone to me. He wanted to protect her so her feelings wouldn't be hurt.

HOW do you know this? You say he barely speaks to you, so how and why would he be confiding the details of their conversation to you?

This seems like a very strange situation.

Sorry, i might not have explained properly,

When i originally confronted him about the amount of text messages he had sent her, he came home ranting and raving because i had called the phone number (which i later discovered was hers) twice that morning before i had confronted him.

He yelled at me and told me that she had told him during their lunch break that i had called her phone twice that morning, he was pissed off at me that he had to go and apologize to her because i had called. And he told me that he has told her to not answer if i try to call her again. And that i need to keep her out of this because according to him she has nothing to do with our break up

[This message edited by threepunkins at 5:25 AM, March 23rd (Tuesday)]

Fuck him and his whore...she has EVERYTHING to do with your breakup.

See the lawyer asap. Tell their employer about their affair, and change your locks. Cut him out.

You are far more powerful than you realize so get to it! We are all here for you, you are not alone.

One other thing, make a call to her ex-fiance to be sure they broke up. My fwh told me his whore was "divorced" and then the story became "separated"...I later learned she was still married and living with her husband!

So, call their work, her ex and the lawyer. Time to rock his world and hers.

I am so mad that you are going through this too. Damn - it could be me. I was also pregnant throughout their affair. Asshole told me I was imagining it and was "hormonal". First person he told about the birth was his whore. Please please please look after that precoius unborn baby of yours. Get a lawyer and take no more crap. I am so angry on your behalf!

Pumpkin,

You have been given great advise here and you are doing the right things.

This is an emotional affair and it is also probably sexual. Even if it is not, it is still infidelity. Call it what it is. Never back down from calling it an affair. Tell all of your family and friends. Break the magic spell of the secret world that your WH has built in his mind. He sees her as his princess and is blind to his own family. Lots of exposure and a hard line from you might help to break the magic spell. It also helps if you can break the magic spell where it was cast - at work. Out them to all.

You will be okay with or without him. He is a stranger now. He is caught up in his own world of lies and fucked up thinking. He has lost all of his character and integrity. He may or may not find it again but what matters the most is that you are going to be okay. You are not going to live under his web of lies and deceit any more.

Good luck. We are all so proud of you.

make a call to her ex-fiance to be sure they broke up. My fwh told me his whore was "divorced"

Indeed! Do that at once.

When I asked my H how come he never, ever bumps into the OW even though he goes to watch the weekly neighborhood softball game held right on her block in their old neighborhood, he told me she "moved out of state and was living with some guy". It was all horseshit to throw me off the scent because I was becoming suspicious.

In actuality, she was still living there - alone - on the same block they grew up on, throughout their entire A.

They were together once a week for years while I played the asshole wife at home. But never again!

Punkin, do not sit by idly. Take a pro-active stance and do what you have to do to get to the bottom of his lies and to feel better.

[This message edited by LongTermSurvivor at 1:13 PM, March 23rd (Tuesday)]

I've been in the same situation. My WH has been in an emotional affair with a fellow coworker of ours for the past 10 years and I found out 2 years ago and have been fighting with him ever since to maintain NC.

I got the "its all in your head", "you are making too much of it", "she's nothing to me", "just a really good friend" and all that stuff.

I stood my ground. I confronted the OW, I outed them to all our coworkers, I kicked him out the house (unfortunately that only lasted about a month and he came back home).

All this made me a stronger woman than I ever thought I could be. It made me see that I can take charge of my family all by myself. That I'm not weak or needy.

Now that he sees that I don't need him, he knows now that I won't take any of this mess ever again. He knows if NC is broken again, I will let him know that NC was broken and will not say another word to him. I will present divorce papers to him.

Your WH is a total asshole and is "smelling himself" a lot. A good kick in the wallet might put things in a different perspective. Once he sees what kind of money he will net each payday, and already knowing what OW will expect from him, he might think differently about what he's doing.

Wouldnt it be funny if he comes back for R, you will have lost interest by then?

I did a couple of things to help me deal with my situation:

1) envision life with just you and your children on a daily basis.

2) think of the things you can have or places you'd like to go that he was not in agreement with;

3) imagine being in a new relationship with an imaginary man of your dreams;

4) move your furniture around in the house the way you want it, not the way he had it;

5) encourage his parents to spend time with the kids so you can start having time for yourself, that way if you divorce him, you will have some time to date others;

6) Dont think of him as your husband right now. Its not about love anymore. Its all about money, your security. Thats it. You owe him no conversation except about money and the kids and when you talk to him, bring someone along with you. Do not talk to him alone until you are emotionally stronger.

Sometimes they come back. Sometimes it can be too late.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do!!!

(((Three)))

He is a liar, a cheat, and does not have you or your children's best interests in mind/heart.

You deserve better and you will find it. Your kids deserve better and they will get it. Your life will be better without him. He will regret this - one day (most likely too late for him) he will realize what he lost and you will see it in his eyes. Believe it. Know it.

Contact a lawyer to protect you and your children's interests.

Sweetie, don't give him ANY furniture whatsoever. I love Bigger's advice to have your father, brother, grandpa, or a trusted family member in your life meet with him for his little discussion about "practicalities". I'm sure when Dad sits across the table from him, glaring, WH won't ask for a damn thing.

No way in hell is he taking furniture, even if it's a broken down futon the kids jump on in the family room! HE has already moved out and devastated his children--he's NOT going to run off with items from THEIR house that have been there all their life! They are going through enough changes as it is. Keep the house 100% intact until a judge decides the settlement...and give your stupid WH a Rent-A-Center flyer. You need furniture for your bachelor pad? Have at it, buddy!

He has so far acted completly irrationally and is constantly saying i am the one who needs to grow up, and i need to act like and adult and i am being immature.

He's an ass. What does he expect you to do? Be happy for him as he moves on with someone else and abandons you and the kids?

My thoughts? He and OW have been planning this for awhile. His affair turned into an exit affair. He had himself convinced that divorce was the best option for BOTH of you, and now that reality is hitting him in the face, he's mad at YOU for not reacting the way he hoped you would.

Where is he living? I'm willing to bet money that she's over at his place staying the night. Only teenagers and people newly "in lurrrve" have 700 texts and hundreds of hours on the phone.

((( threepunkins )))

What can I say that nobody else has said. Go read my profile. You do have one thing going for you- you found S.I. and now you know the 'Truth'.

If you do want your WH back I agree with everyone else. Out the little sl-t!

She (it) (wh-re) has everything to do with your M breaking up. Your WH is still deep in the fog but once his 'fantasyland' is shattered he'll defog right quick!!

Sorry you are going through this but you're in good company. S.I. has been my rock!

Take care and many prayers & hugs to you and your little ones.

If you are lucky enough to live in a state where having an affair is a felony (it is in my state) you can really nail his ass. Here it has a 10K price tag and or 3.5 year cell stay. That prison time can go up if the cheater has been caught before or you can prove more then one affair.

Get on the phone with a lawyer. It sucks yes but it needs to be done to protect you and the kids.

It is my opinion that you have nothing else to lose at this point, so why not go for broke.

1. Get a lawyer

2. Expose, expose, expose

3. Don't let him recast this as anything other than an AFFAIR to everyone you know.

There is a saying, if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.

Tears, logic, kindness, calmness, none of this has worked here. He is so far up his ass all he can see is colon, and of course, his own shit.

He is expecting you to be crushed, heartbroken and to take this all lying down. He is being an abusive SOB.

I think the only way you are going to get him out of his fog at this point is to get tough. I know it is scary, and you may be afraid it might keep him from ever wanting to come back. But he is already out the door. So what is left to lose?

Time to rock his world, and rock it hard. Just my two cents.

Sending you major mental hugs.

Thank you. I have the phone number of her ex fiance (i was contracted to photograph their wedding before the shit hit the fan and they broke up, so i have all his contact details along with hers).

I will call him this afternoon and question him about their relationship and if he is aware of her goings on. I would also like to find out exactly what he read and saw in the emails he busted her sending my WS 8 months ago. I never got any information out of WS at the time because he convinced me into thinking her fiance was a psycho who didn't know what he was talking about.

You go, punkins!!

Oh, the times, the times, the OW has claimed psycho fiance! Or anyway, the WS has claimed the OW has a psycho fiance or husband.

I bet he is psycho just like all us BSs are.

Please don't enter into any agreements with him regarding your personal belongings until you speak to a lawyer.

I'm so sorry you are in this situation. ((HUGS))

punkins,

I just read through your post and please listen to the previous posters. You are being "played". Doesn't that make you angry? Do not agree to anything, I do mean anything without a lawyer.

Remember that "gut feeling" you had to begin with? Go with it. Your "gut" won't lie.

wis

The best way to hurt him as well as knock him out of his fantasy is by financial means. Hopefully by the time he sees what your lawyer will do to him, he'll be lucky if he can afford air. Don't give him any furniture, let him sleep in a box. What kind of man leaves his wife who is six weeks from giving birth, as well as his other small children, a real dirt bag, thats who. Lawyer up, let him see that until your children are done schooling, he will pay and pay and pay. Reality will eventually set in. It's ok to get angry, just make sure it doesn't cloud your thinking, do whats best for you and your children.

My stbxh did EXACTLY the same thing as your's is doing to you. I was not pregnant...I was almost 50...

You go to a lawyer...don't give him a thing. I doubt a judge would order a pregnant woman with 2 children to give a man who deserted his family to the silverware and the living room furniture. He may live out of a storage unit...they won't care. The kids needs will come first. He is in for a very rude awakening.

When he visits...have someone there.

Change the locks as soon as you know you legally can.

Get a custody order in place. Get child support orders in place asap and get retroactive child support asap...if you have to get his wages garnished.

Contact the OW's partner asap...you can be sure he will not be happy about this...

Get tested for std's...you will be fine in that respect...but it will give you peace of mind.

Remember...you may be entitled to spousal support/alimony...so look into that too.

Take care of yourself. Get support from friends, family, your pastor...wherever you can. You need it right now.

You are doing the right things.

I know all about this...it is shocking how they can lie like this and turn around and become cold and calculating...but they do.

However he has planned this but not really considered the consequences for himself. He thought with his dick...not his brain. Now he will have to pay.

Best of luck.

(((hugs)))

[This message edited by betterdaysahead at 6:15 PM, March 23rd (Tuesday)]

So the crazy ex boyfriend card has been laid on the table. The ex is always psycho. It is their way of discrediting them. So when he tells his tale of her cheating on him, she can simply call him the name and act as though he is making it all up.