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[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:38 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

Does your church know that they are paying for an IC that is encouraging adultery? If you've informed the staff, maybe it's time to inform the church body. I know I would resent my tithe going towards enabling an adulterer to justify her actions and tear apart her family.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 1:14 PM, August 27th (Friday)]

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:39 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

I'm curious to find out what your pastor will say. Mine was ok w/ stbxh when he was remorseful, but when pastor found out he ahd another A- he was furious-still is. I hate the hypocrosy of some people! How they can justify what they do and still think it's ok w/God. Truly amazing

TCMM,

I don't need to remind you not to engage with her. ( You can't reason with stupid). Lord knows that I am the queen of trying to get in the last word..... but.....I hate to see you waste your energy on her. (She is a black hole who is more than happy to add your attention to the self absorption she already possesses .)

However, I am a firm believer in CYA when it comes to joint funds. If it were me I would create a spread sheet showing money in and listing current debt/debtors and schedule of payments due. (include addresses and contact info for each debtor). I would note the exact balance of any and all accounts. I would then forward it to her and CC your atty. Attach an email that says "Per your request to discuss budget I am available to meet (or talk etc)...give her three dates and times so she can choose one that works. We will be discussing the attached document. I look forward to your response". If she declines you have a paper trail. If she meets and you can save atty fees and get a signed agreement to how funds will be spent you will be money ahead. If she signs and then doesn't follow you will have a paper trail.

I think it is best to attempt to cooperate on financial issues. It continues to show that you are the responsible party in this proceeding.

Aside from financial....ignore the garbage she texts you.. Infact I would only communicate with her through email. You are no longer at her beck and call.

I guess I didn't word it properly. What I meant was disengage from her.

She asked you about printer cartridges. All that needed to be said was "I'm sorry, I didn't remove them and I don't know where they are." If she continues to badger about it, repeat it. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I do think you need to CYA where finanaces are concerned as well, and I think iseetriple's solution is a great one.

"Per your request to discuss budget I am available to meet (or talk etc)...give her three dates and times so she can choose one that works. We will be discussing the attached document. I look forward to your response".

Say this. If she continues to badger through email or text, repeat it.

I really think she's purposely trying to push your buttons. To get a rise out of you, to make you "slip up" on something she believes you're hiding, I don't know. I think that engaging her is validating whatever need she has. Cut her off from it.

Edited, cause apparently I can't speak English

[This message edited by bluelady at 4:04 PM, August 27th (Friday)]

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:39 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

I think you should send her a thank you for helping you get overer to the point that her bangingOM no longer bothers you the way it used to. Tell her how many sleeps until you are gone from her sickness. It is almost over friend.

I really struggle with the fact that she finds her relationship with God...these people are so lost...they believe in their own minds...that what they are doing is right...amazing...I would put verse quotes all over the house..to reflect on what the bible has to say about what she is doing!

My STBXH is the same way...both him and the OW believe that this is ordained by God...friggin amazing!!!!!!!!

TCMM,

I agree that your WS is trying to provoke you into a reaction. The other thing to consider is that the closer you get to the divorce being a reality, the more outrageously she will try to provoke you.

It's important to keep your cool.

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:39 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

I am so sorry for you and the children. Truly. Stay strong. Document, document, document. Consider it another nail in her coffin.

But I know it is hard to watch your children hurt and not want to rip her head off. She will call today sometime, maybe. But she will blame it on you...just don't get pulled in.

TCMM,

I'm sorry your kids are hurting. I can't believe a mom would put her F***Buddy ahead of her kids. She is one selfish, sick person.

All you can do is be there for your kids. She is basically writing herself out of their lives. One day, she will be alone and hated by her kids and the sad this is she did it all herself. What a disgusting woman.

My WW just moved into her trailer. It's very impressive how their grand plans in fantasy land actually pan out. I'm going to go take pictures of the trailer today, frame them, and take copies to my lawyer who will show them to the judge.

instead of confronting her they opted to help pay for Christian counselor.

Probably thinking they can "save" her through counseling.

“My relationship with God is important”

That's hilarious. She truely is an oximoron.

I will be talking directly with the pastor on Sunday.

Dying to hear what he says.

The output of that as far as I can tell is the list of affirmations that I found. It is a list of 12 vapid items that she likes about herself such as “People like my smile”, “Ex-husband says I’m a good mom” (I didn’t know I was her ex yet, and that must have been a long time ago I said that), “I like my long legs”, and last but not least . The God affirmation was last on the list behind the legs comment. Doesn’t she know that adultery makes baby Jesus cry and God pissed off enough to give you venereal disease?

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:40 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

I'm so sorry TCMM. I wish this support group was closer than online. It would be nice, at times, to find support and comfort in person. Just keep holding on, don't let go of that rope. ((hugs))

{{{{{{[hugs}}}}}}}}

Hang in there TCMM. You are really getting it from all sides. I wish I could take some of the load off for you. That really sucks. Hopefully the trust lawyer can help you understand that end of things quickly.

I am so sorry TCM.

I would say keep your plans with your kids. That would be the best therapy for you.

Why just let her swoop in again and do what she wants. You already had something planned. Stick to that.

Baby steps TCM.. Baby steps..

I agree with the others. Tell her you have plans with the kids already this weekend so she can move her impromptu trip to next weekend. Does she have email? I would start emailing her your plans, especially those with the kids, so you have dated correspondence of your communication with her. Also, in the email, ask her to email you any plans she wants to make. If she doesn't, it will show her unwillingness to communicate and co-parent reasonably. If she does, you will have a record of WHEN she tells you.

As much as possible, try to keep all communication in dated writing between you. I think stupidstupidme did this with Bunt and her X when things got contentious. IM her and ask for details.