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My male neighbor and I were at the local watering hole this weekend, having a couple of beers and watching football. My wife of 21 years has been mentioning having breast augmentation (she is upper 40’s, breast fed 2 kids that are now teens, etc). I didn’t mention this to my neighbor but instead asked “what do you think of breast augmentation”? His response was “on other women, it is great….if your wife wants it, kiss your marriage goodbye.” His reasoning was that if she got them, it would lead to adultery based on the increased attention, low self esteem to begin with, etc (this included his first wife that I never met and isn’t part of the below). So we did a quick survey of our common friends:

• 9 woman with implants. 2 were cancer related so we dismissed them as they were elective.

• Of the 7 left, 5 got divorced after the surgery.

• Of those 5, 4 were infidelity related (that we knew of) by the W. The lone leftover got her implants as part of her divorce settlement (that is the story…her H cheated)

• Then we broadened it to gastric bypass. 3 people we know had them. However, these were all done over health related issues. But all three of their marriages ended with infidelity (2 woman and 1 man).

So, is there any scientific research done about linking breast augmentation/gastric bypass/cosmetic surgery to infidelity? My neighbor couldn’t sight any, just his ‘observation’. Our little barstool analysis seemed way too high to me. I had read that during the preop gastric bypass surgery that the patient is oftentimes counseled about this very thing but dont know if that is true or if that is part of cosmetic surgery too.

So I thought I would ask everyone here.

With out exception. Every single woman I have known or known of who got breast augmentation cheated and left they H.

I guess the added attention was to much for them.

Now I am sure and positive there ARE women out there who got this surgery and did NOT cheat. I just dont know them.

Razor

My experience mirrors Razor's...

My WW and her two closest friends all had implants in their late 30s. All three had affairs in their 40th or 41st year. Three for three here.

At first I started to laugh at your question (sorry!) but then I started thinking about a former coworker - got implants during her second marriage, then cheated on her husband (demonizing him all the while - it was his fault!) with two married guys, then divorced him and proceeded to wear the most ridiculous clothes here in the office you've ever seen, all the while complaining about how everyone was always staring at her chest.

Now I have to say, watchdog, as a breastfeeding mom, I don't think there's anything terrible about getting a little lift. Pregnancy/BF really takes a toll on your body. Before BFing my daughter I would have NEVER considered getting a boob job. I'm not much worse for the wear so to speak, but if I BF again and it takes a toll I'd consider it. And I can tell you that I would never cheat on my husband, even after what he did.

Hi

I am the BS, I have implants, I have no intentions of having an A.

(edited to add) I have had them for 10 years.

I get attention because of them, but I have no intentions of following up on the attention.

[This message edited by imagoodwitch at 1:26 PM, September 20th (Monday)]

I am a BW. I have a consult scheduled with a plastic surgeon.

I have no intention of cheating on my husband; I planned the surgery well before I learned of his most recent affair. I've had three pregnancies, extendedly nursed two children, and have lost a huge amount of weight.

I want to feel good about myself. My desire for changes has absolutely nothing to do with pleasing anyone of the opposite gender; it is the completion of a personal journey, and it's for me. I am not sure I will be able to afford it (though WH says he'll pay, even if we D), or whether I will ultimately decide the operative risks are too high. But I am definitely going to explore the possibility with the very best surgeon I can find.

I would never cheat on my husband---never. It's simply not in my makeup, no matter what the circumstances.

But then, I'm not planning surgery to make myself more attractive to anyone but myself. Chances are, the only person seeing the new body will be ME.

(I don't think augmentation is part of the plan, though; I want a lift and, I guess if a tiny augmentation would restore me to my former glory, I'd consider it. I am more interested in having all my toys put back where they belong )

[This message edited by BetsyBG at 1:20 PM, September 20th (Monday)]

Thanks Jana. Yeah, I have no problem with my wife doing the same for the same reasons.

Betsy, good luck with yours.

Actually, the gastric bypass one was the one that really threw me. Maybe because I dont see that procedure as common and that it seems more for health reasons than cosmetic. But in our survey, it was 3 for 3.

My sister's friend cheated on her H after her gastric bypass. I know of another woman who also cheated after her breat augmentation.

Does surgery = cheating? Hell no. But it's interesting to read other people's takes here and the 2 people I know of that had procedures did cheat too.

Both women were also "mid-life crisis" age and had both been married a long time to same man, so were those factors too? Was it all balled up together?

My neighbor's adult married daughter had gastric by-pass and after she discovered her new body had an A and left her H with the kids.

I was talking to a woman who said she had been a receptionist for a plastic surgeon for almost three years, and in that time every single woman that she knew about had cheated and divorced after their boob job.

To be clear, she wasn't privy to such information about all the boob-job clients the surgeon had, but all the ones where she did know about them had the same story.

Interesting.

Never thought about it, but:

My WW had the breast implant appointment scheduled right before the A started!

Right now she is putting it off, but its not out of her mind.

Keeping my paranoid eye on this one now!

I don't want to limit the discussion to breast augmentation.

What I have noticed is that when people go through a dramatic life change after their developmental years - i.e. extreme weight loss (surgery or otherwise), breast augmentation, 'buff up,' removal of an especially visible birthmark, etc it has had a dramatic and significant impact on their sense of self in terms of how they related to others. This is both men and women. It almost seems like they go through a second adolescence in terms of a newfound interaction with the opposite sex - they have a new awakening of how their body makes the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on your persuasions). It's like being 14 years old again and realizing that you have a new power over people and the attention feels good.

This is not everyone, mind you... However, it is one of the reasons why qualified surgeons for weight-loss surgery require that their patients' as well as the patient's family attend counseling sessions.

The OW in my case got the implants recently - probably a gift from stbxh. I would love if I can prove that in court. By the way I'm natural - but still nice looking.

I have implants and I would never cheat. (I didn't have implants when he cheated...not that that matters....)

I think if a woman is going to cheat, she is going to cheat regardless of the implants.

I think a woman who would cheat would do so if someone gave her any type of attention, whether or not she had implants.

Didn't see the gastric bypass part.

The divorce rate post-bariatric surgery is very high--there is abundant research to back this up. Most bariatric surgeons warn their patients that it is a risk (and pre-surgery psych clearances explore marital relationship dynamics a bit).

The high divorce rate is NOT directly related to infidelity (or at least, any more than divorce ever is---and when it is, either spouse may be the WS). But because a profound change in one partner's weight creates a profound change in marital dynamics.

Often, a previously obese spouse gains a "voice" after years of feeling less-than. S/he becomes less invisible---not just to the opposite gender, but to him- or herself. Increased confidence can result in demands for appropriate treatment within a relationship.

If the person is in a healthy marriage before the surgery, chances are, the marriage will weather the changes.

If the marriage was unbalanced--if the obese individual was marginalized, mistreated, or even (as sometimes occurs) "kept fat" to somehow meet the needs of his/her spouse---or was in a marriage in which s/he was cheated on---dramatic weight loss can amplify already-existing problems.

hmmm I'm not sure. But like watchdog 12 i would like to hear some imput too. I dont know anyone with implants, but I myself would like to get them and am interested on what people think on this subject.

I think maybe looking at it another way.. There are women who have/would have breast augmentation simply to feel better about themselves ..they would never cheat..

There are woman who have breast augmentation mainly to recieve attention and admiration from others in order to feel better about themselves.. so low self esteem in those cases are the "reasons" for both the surgery AND the cheating.

IMHO

WH said MOW got boob implants after her first divorce

Now I'm the one with the low self-esteem...

Then we broadened it to gastric bypass. 3 people we know had them. However, these were all done over health related issues. But all three of their marriages ended with infidelity (2 woman and 1 man).

OW had gastric bypass surgery five years into FWH's LTEA with her. (she D right before the EA started) She was a D BW whose WH had an OC & he left for OW. FWH's EA went PA shen they hooked up after she had lost all the weight.