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Pale,I did the routine Darden described in his book, "Living Longer Stronger, Your Second Middle Age". Very effective. I got ripped inmy forties, much more so thanwhen Iwas paying basketball in college and lifting.

The key seemed to be this lifting to absolute failure deal, one set, no rest -heart rate up the entire time.

I have the time now to do it , again, post divorce and will look into Mentzers deal, as well. Thanks.

I wish I had words to make you fall out-of-love with your lady. Your reply posts strike me aa man who is still in love, and no doubt you are. Damn the pain, damn the anger, damn the cheating, damn it all.

She has no respect for you. It appears she is pushing you to the brink to see just how far she can degrade you.

I am sorry, but she is full of bull$**t. You have blinders on. For your sake you really need time off to see who she is.

I agree with "areyouserious"'s post.

And it is your decision to make.

EDITTED TO ADD:

It's been such a long time and it's not getting better for me. I can't sleep, and I'm even on medication. Here's what happened[/UNQUOTE]

You wrote that 2 days ago, then you wrote this yesterday. Something to think about.

What my wife did was horrible, and she does feel bad now. But, she doesn't know what I'm going through

*Enchantress Hugs YOU!*

[This message edited by Enchantress at 5:33 PM, April 14th (Thursday)]

t/j

reggie,

Mentzer is the same:absolute failure, no rest, one set. Not a lot of difference between Darden and Mentzer, but I think Darden advocated slow lifting in that book. Also, very effective way to train.

L.O.

Another blog that I find really enlightening is called "Dalrock." Also about what they call "married game."

I have to add one more comment to this:

We are not all posting out of anger. We can see you flip-flopping from post to post. We can Clearly see her part in all of this.

The comment:

She slept with at least 10 men (yes she did, you can deny it, but its clear, its AT LEAST).

How many diseases do those guys have? Lets say 4 out of 10? How many partners have they slept with? Free sex on craigslist, right? Lets say 3 each (low end)

thats 4 x 3 = 12 so far

How many wives have been infected? Lets say ALL 12.

Now of the 12 of those men infected, how many of those women slept with other men?

Lets say ... 4 (probably low still)

12 x 4 = 48..of those 48 how many partners..etc.

You sleep with one cow, you sleep with the whole herd.

She could easily have caught a disease that is capable of infecting your daughter.

If you have both types of Herpes (just 1 type of STD), you can easily pass it on to your daughter if you have a Herpes simplex (1?) cold sore.

If that don't make you stand up and smell the BS, what will?

She didn't care or think of you or your daughter or the 48 x 96 x x x ......

Nevermind the divorce, she should go to jail or hell.

Sorry for the post, but craigslist affairs are one of the worst and cheapest and whorish. Men and Women.

squiffle - I agree with the quote, I just need to know what action. Is divorce the action? Was your xwh serial? Did he stop or was he continuing? I am operating under the assumption that she has and will stop, but I want to see continued improvements in her, and I want her to love me more than she does, and help me though this, which she is not doing. So, I'm touching the fence, but not on it again yet. Do you have kids?

atsenaotie - what your FWW said was horrible. I feel your pain. My wife met the first guy at a hotel, telling me she was going to a job interview. I told her how great she looked before she left. I stayed home with the kids. Unbelievable. She had the same thing with all these guys as your wife did - just the romanticized parts.

(What does FOO and SAb mean? I looked it up and can't find it. I'm the worst at these things!)

Easier to forgive you for being such an ass???!!! Wow. Insensitive bitch. That's like cutting off someone's head for squinting in the sunlight, a major discrepancy. Mine did the same thing, obviously, because what is so horrible as to deserve fucking another man (or 2) as revenge? Nothing.

I hear you on your last statement, too. Even if I had bought her something she wouldn't even remember it, and would continue the lie that I would forget her birthday (which I most certainly did not!).

sadbunny - trying to find that strength. Haven't found it yet... but thank you for the support.

reggie - I hear what you're saying. The problem is I actually got to the point where I didn't want anyone else. I would even look at a picture of her and feel it. Now I kind of wish I had someone else, but I don't really want to do that. Plus my belief system would make me feel really bad, because I'm responsible for myself and believe I will answer for that. Besides, where would I even go to look? Craigslist? Have you seen the kind of women that list ads there? Disgusting.

Regarding the workouts, is Darden and Mentzers effective? I've lost about 20 lbs since D-Day. The Lexapro is making me lazy but I'm still trying to force myself to the gym. The Inderal is holding me back, too. Can't wait to get off these.

Enchantress - Did you see a contradiction in my posts? It's like this - first when she was caught and was in the "fog," she was not sorry. She blamed me. She was a sadistic bitch as areyouserious posted. I was going to divorce. Then she was sorry and came clean, but said a lot of horrible things because she was still in the fog, but as a result of all that she finally came out of the fog and felt horrible herself. We're trying to R, but she's not doing her part in helping me heal because she feels too much guilt about what she did. I have tried to give her the time she needs before she's ready to help me, but it's killing me. I still can't cope.

palerider - so what's better, Darden or Mentzer?

Will check out Dalrock / married game. It all sounds sick and screwed up, but what have I got to lose by being a dick?

Enchantress - Re the apparent flip-flopping; the first post was more about what I'm dealing with, so that would be mostly negative. She has done some good things, but not enough, but those good things are not what I'm having issues dealing with.

I know it wasn't 10 men, but it could have been if I didn't catch her when I did. She was on a downward spiral and it was getting worse real fast.

Yes, craigslist is the worst. Totally disgusting.

telling me she was going to a job interview. I told her how great she looked before she left. I stayed home with the kids. Unbelievable.

...whoa...

..that is so awful..there are no words for how horrible that is. OMG.

If it makes you feel any better...

my fwh used to make me fix his hair before going to work because "he felt his best when he looked his best"

Even today, when I think about how he made me help him look good for OW makes me want to hurt him..

Gentle 2x4 here...

Craigslist? Have you seen the kind of women that list ads there? Disgusting.

Your wife is one of those women.

I'm so sorry, but that really says all you need to know.

Go with your gut and it appears your gut is disgusted.

Best of luck to you, so sorry you're dealing with this.

forever.haunted - yeah, that is incredibly bad someone could do that.

Dearlord - yes, indeed, I am disgusted!!! If you looked at a million women posting on craigslist, you would not find one that looks like my wife. I'm not saying looks are everything. On the inside, yes, she is, but on the outside, no, she's not. She didn't belong there, and she was a special treat for these ass maggots. That she was so stupid for even posting there in the first place with all the others is shocking. The men she met with would even tell her, "wow, you're way better than what you find on craigslist." You'd think that would have made her stop to think!

Yes, still disgusted.

Looks really don't matter.

I've known beautiful women that were the filthiest pigs you've ever seen.

For instance I was once at a party in high school and there was this gigantic mob of boys around this pick up truck. Being nosy and thinking there might be a fight I elbowed my way to the center, only to find this woman layed out, spread eagle hanging off the edge of the tailgate, with the boys taking turns.

There were at least 50 of them. At LEAST.

Now me being me was appalled. I forced my way in thinking this woman was being raped. Pulled the current occupant off her and tried covering her with my sweater.... She got PISSED.

Seriously, and honestly angry that I stopped her.

It was HER idea!

And this was seriously one of the most gorgeous women I've ever seen in my life.

I have a friend that if you're being kind you could call extremely homely. She waited till she got married and she didn't get married till she was 34.

Looks mean nothing, it's all about what's inside and what's inside your wife to do the things she's done is ugly indeed.

as my grandmother used to say...

"Pretty is as pretty does"

Proverbs 31:10-31 (King James Version)

10Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Dearlord - all I can say is, Dear Lord! That is gross. Her and all 50 of those guys. I knew people in high school who did gross things similar to that, too, and I had nothing to do with it. Because it was gross.

My wife was supposed to be beautiful on the inside, too. But she wasn't.

forever.haunted - she sure wasn't virtuous and she sure did me evil. (But this, from a guy with hundreds of wives and hundreds of concubines. I know, he was still wise and it's still true.)

palerider - so what's better, Darden or Mentzer?

Either one will work. Both are styles of what is called "high intensity training." You can train solo on machines with either, or if you have a lifting partner you can use barbells. The part most people don't get is that one must go to absolute failure and no rest between sets.

Don't discuss your training program or goals with you wife, just do it. I know you're out of work, but you need to change your appearance, update it to what a professional 30 year old would wear. With your new body, you'll be able to pull it off. Change your hairstyle and your facial hair. Change it all. Don't discuss it with your wife, just let her notice or not on her own.

Will check out Dalrock / married game. It all sounds sick and screwed up, but what have I got to lose by being a dick?

Married game is quite a bit different from PUA game, which really is dickery (look up Roissy or Solomon II for that). Married game is about taking charge of yourself and things at home through displaying a mix of alpha and beta traits.

Guys....

Look into "Body For Life".....Bill Phillips....

serious stuff....i was the only one to use that program while I competed...and it works.....pretty simplistic stuff

Hi there one point I wanted to ask about given your WW not being there for you (due to guilt as you say):

No answer needed if you don't want to of course but:

What was your WW reaction when she got diagnosed with both types of herpies? When you were diagnosed?

Was she also checked for HIV etc?

PS IMHO I think it is more likely that she had unprotected full sex.

Sorry to say/ask, but are you sure she hasn't cheated before?

Have you considered a possible DNA test for your child?

The only reason I ask is that as others have pointed out: 0 to craigslist trolling is a very big leap.

PR

0 to craigslist trolling is a very big leap.

My thoughts exactly

Whatever you decide or what happens, you will get through this. It takes a lot of time and talking here will likely be a big part of it. One day you will be able to look back and wonder who this hurt, betrayed, angry person was. It will get better, it really will.

palerider - I feel like I need to shake the depression and get off these meds first, but I want to do that. I was getting back into shape before I got on the meds, so now I'm just trying to maintain and not let these things make me gain back. And I need to get work now. I can tell change is coming, but who knows what right now. I may even lose my house if I don't find something. I'm actually concerned about whether or not I will be able to maintain satisfactory job performance in my present state.

Running In Place - will look into that, too. Thanks! Man, your sig - so fresh. How are you handling it?

PhoenixReborn - I'll answer anything here - no one knows who I am! She went to get tested (for everything you could possibly be tested for) and we waited until the day they called with the results. They didn't give her the results over the phone and asked her to come in. When she returned, she looked really guilty and then she broke the news to me. They told her she has a strain that didn't show, so there would be no way to tell that she had it by looking at her, and there's also no way to tell when she got it. She could have had it the entire time I've known her. I don't know for sure if I have it or not, but have had some blistering before but didn't know what it was. I think I know what it is now. She apologized and felt really bad. She told me what they said to her to make her not feel so bad and how common it is, bla bla bla. That it was permanent and how to deal with it, etc.

At the time, this news, it was almost funny to me, that I had to have this too, in addition to all the shit I'm going through. I just wonder what the hell I have ever done to deserve this kind of fucked up shit. I chose the wrong woman? How can I say that when we made two incredibly amazing girls?

But this, I can say has been the easiest thing to deal with out of everything I am dealing with. I can put it out of my mind, and I haven't had any "flair ups" or whatever they're called since, and I rarely see anything so it doesn't affect me. And when it does, at least I know what it is so I can treat it. Fine. What else can life throw at me?! Bring it!

But I wasn't tested. I can't have anything she didn't test positive for, right? I've never been with anyone else.

She would have told me the truth about the condoms. I had actually assumed it was unprotected at first, and I asked her if they came inside or withdrew or what, but her response was, "they wore a condom!" Unless it was oral, and they didn't.

She hasn't cheated on me before, unless you count the few partners she had a few years before we met. I kind of do, but that's my belief system. She should have waited for her future husband. But she had a messed up childhood. Part of her problem.

There is no way I need to have a DNA test for my girls. They are obviously mine, without a doubt, they are mine. They each have distinct features from me. The DNA test could be visually performed by anyone.

0 to craigslist - it is a very big leap. I am NOT defending her here, but just thinking logically... Where else would you go? When you think of trying to hook up with someone, and going to a bar is too obvious, and you're a stay at home/work at home mom, what else do you do? It was the path of least resistance for her, with easily accessibility on her iPhone and she could go to the gym and access it there, or sneak looks in bed, or whatever. It's easy there. She had placed an ad to sell something and happened upon that part of the site and the idea grew until she took the plunge. I don't think there was even another option in her mind. Yeah, it's the skankiest option, but to be honest I don't even know another option. A dating site? AshleyMadison? (She actually didn't even know about that one until after I caught her, when I asked her about it.) And are those types of sites any less skanky? She was obviously stupid, and she will even admit that now. She didn't even know how bad the reputation was! It wasn't until I told her about it that we kept seeing references popping up all over the place about how disgusting it was, like on TV shows and people talking about the ugly women posting there.

SoDisappointed - thanks for the encouragement. I hope it does get better.

A friend married her one and only.

Her husband was a carrier, he carried it in his body, and passed it along yet still to this day tests negative for the disease himself.

That was how she found out about his cheating, a routine check up where something nasty showed up and she knew there was only one possible place she could of gotten it from.

She confronted him, he admitted to cheating, went to get tested himself and surprisingly enough tested negative himself.

So please, PLEASE get yourself tested... and then get yourself tested, and retested at 6 month and 1 year intervals because some things don't show up right away.

Wow, that sucks. Okay then, I better get tested...